(Closed) Advise – Children at our wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s totally fine to invite kids who are part of the family and not kids that aren’t. Here’s something to think about though, what is your FH’s relationship to the children in his family (if you want a child-free wedding)? I personally would have preferred to not have children at our wedding as they get bored easily and we’ll be at a pub/bar but FH is very close to all the kids in his family and lots of our friends’ children as well so there was no question on whether or not they’d be invited.

Post # 4
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@peggyh1023: Your scenario is EXACTLY like mine. We are inviting family kids and not inviting any others. I’m thinking some of my friends may be upset with us, but then again I’m not sure if they will. Maybe they WILL understand. All in all, it’s about what’s best for you two. I agree with littlemissmoo by saying I think it’s totally fine.

You won’t be able to please everyone in situations like this. Just address your invites accordingly for each household you invite. If your friends give you grief just let them know that you appreciate their support and hope that they will be able to join you both on one of the most special days of your lives. You don’t have to apologize for doing what is best for your situation.

Post # 4
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@peggyh1023: Your scenario is EXACTLY like mine. We are inviting family kids and not inviting any others. I’m thinking some of my friends may be upset with us, but then again I’m not sure if they will. Maybe they WILL understand. All in all, it’s about what’s best for you two. I agree with littlemissmoo by saying I think it’s totally fine.

You won’t be able to please everyone in situations like this. Just address your invites accordingly for each household you invite. If your friends give you grief just let them know that you appreciate their support and hope that they will be able to join you both on one of the most special days of your lives. You don’t have to apologize for doing what is best for your situation.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are ONLY inviting kids who are cousins since all of our family would be there (and any number of people want to see them and would also be able to watch/entertain them).

I don’t think you have to invite your friend’s kids (I think that would even be a little bit odd unless you had kids that played with their kids) – because if a lot of them have small children they’ll be too busy with them and wouldn’t be able to enjoy the event. Plus you’re not related to those children and probably don’t know most of them anyway.

Post # 6
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How close are these family kids?  Are these FI’s cousin’s kids?  Or more like his nephews or nieces?

If they are distant family kids – no invite.

If they are his nephews/nieces – then it’s understandable for them to be invited (as they’ll likely be in family photos, etc.)  The other guests will recognize this and you don’t have to worry about them feeling slighted they didn’t get to bring their kids (they will probably welcome a night off, anyway!)

Post # 7
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

In the beginning I really didn’t want children at our reception, but then I started looking at the guest list and realized just how many children Fi and I are related to.  So we drew an arbitrary line in the sand and decided that unless we share blood or they’re over 18 they aren’t getting an invite.  All the family kids are invited, but none of my friends’ kids are. 

One extra bit – I have a few friends who just had babies, so while I won’t put the infant on the invite I won’t be upset if they bring the baby. 

I think you’re fine to invite only related children.  I think the big issue when it comes to children is making a policy and then applying it fairly.  So whether that policy is only family children, no children, or only children over 7, as long as there are no exceptions you shouldn’t have too many guests with an issue.

Post # 9
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We did the following plus I put “___ of (number invited) attending” on their RSVPs

For family:
Mr. and Mrs. Family Member
Child Name & Child Name

RSVP said: “___ of 4 attending”

For friends:
Mr. and Mrs. Friend

RSVP said: “___ of 2 attending”

Post # 10
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it is totally legit to only invite family kids, but you have to draw the line and stick to it… by age, relation, etc.  I don’t think you can pick and choose kids.  But I wish I could.  :o) 

Also, you might be really surprised by MIl’s reaction.  Mine was annoyed that we chose to have kids at our wedding… I think it all depends on the mindset/background/experiences of the MIL.  Funny enough, most of our guests are not bringing their kids because “they want to have fun.”  The only people actually bringing their kids are the people I would have chosen to pick and choose… Ugh.

If you do chose NOT to have kids, here are a couple of things I have learned along the way:

STICK WITH YOUR DECISION

OFFER BABYSITTER INFO TO YOUR GUESTS WITH KIDS (even if it’s just a list of phone numbers – often hotels have great resources.  I think parents will feel much more comfortable with your decision if you offer alternatives than if you force them to find a babysitter on their own in an unfamiliar city.)

Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

We are having nieces/nephews only (this will be communicated personally) and our invites will read, “no children under 16 please”. We have a very few friends with breastfed infants who are welcome to bring their babies to the reception if they wish. I never enjoyed taking my children to weddings (especially evening ones) even if they were invited because you arent’ able to enjoy the reception if you’re worried about feeding them and making sure they are occupied, and of course there are those who don’t care whether they are occupied or not and allow them to run wild, this happened at my brothers wedding last year.

The topic ‘Advise – Children at our wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors