(Closed) Advive please! Walking down the aisle…

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If you want a compromise, what about walking in with her partway and then you would go alone the rest of the way?  My parents are going to walk me as far as the front row of chairs and then I’ll go the rest of the way by myself. 

Walk all the way by yourself if you want to, just think long and hard about whether that’s a decision you would regret further down the road. 

Post # 4
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

These decisions she’s made that you don’t agree with, will you still feel as strongly years from now? Will not letting your Mom walk you down the aisle affect you years from now?  

It’s a hard decision.  I think I would still want my Mom there, though.

Post # 5
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s hard to give advice, not knowing what type of decisions your mom has made.  Are they ones affecting her personal life, your life as a married woman ???  If they were not harming to you or your FI, and not harming to your mother/daughter relationship, then I say give her the honor of walking you down the aisle.  I would think it would be damaging to take it back, at this point.  

Post # 7
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Is is really worth it to upset someone over this?  I personally think that it will really hurt your mom if you told her you didn’t want her to walk you down the aisle.  I’d say just suck it up because YOUR GETTING MARRIED.  You have so much other stuff going on that your gunna forget about the walk anyway, but if you dont have her walk you she won’t forget about it anytime soon.  Whatever you decide, give it time because in a few years you might regret not letting her walk you down the aisle. 

Post # 8
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

In the end, you plan on only getting married once in your life.  I understand that she may have done things that you don’t necessarily agree with, but I am sure that you’ve made decisions in your life that she didn’t agree with either.  From what you’re telling me, it doesn’t seem like she has written you off totally because of your decisions, so I would cut her some slack on this one and let her walk you down the aisle. 

I say this because my parents are gone and my brother just died.  I would give my right arm to have them there and trust me, there were MANY decisions that my parents made that I still don’t agree with, but I’ve learned to let them go.  There are, however, certain instances that I would write her off like if she did something horrific like kill someone or torture an animal (I know I’m going to extremes, but I needed an example) but one day when she is gone, you’re more than likely going to be happy you made the decision to have her walk you down the aisle when you’re looking at the pictures of your wedding with your grandchildren.

Good luck with your decision!

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I was going to suggest that you should see whether she would be bothered by a change of plans, but from your second post it seems like she would be bothered.

I agree that you should try to stick with your plan to have her walk with you, or at least a compromised version of it, if you can handle that. Then, if she’s drawing attention to herself later, you can remind her it’s your turn and that you are including her where appropriate.

I think it’s a fine idea to walk the aisle by yourself, but if you’re two weeks from your wedding and your mom is counting on this, that sounds like a different story.

Post # 10
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m sorry but I totally disagree here. It’s your wedding and your moment.  You should not feel obliged to have your mother walk you down the aisle.  This is coming from someone who too has always been independent and is walking herself down the aisle.  Some feel that families are exempt from how you expect people to treat you in your life. “Oh it’s your mother” It doesn’t always work that way.  You are not disinviting your mother; you are deciding how you want to be given away. Is your mother that person? Is what is happening with your mother just related to the wedding or ongoing?

Picture yourself walking down the aisle. What makes you feel calm? What feels right? Your BMs will be there.  I think there are beautiful ways of doing this. PM me if you want to chat.

Post # 11
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

Do you think it might be something you look back on with regret if you don’t have her walk you down the aisle? Or are you fairly confident that you will look back on walking yourself/having someone else walk you down the aisle and be happy with your decision, 5, 10 years from now? I often butt heads with my mom, but in the end, would regret not having her by my side in the big moments in my life. This is a very personal decision, and one that you shouldn’t take lightly… in the end, if it means a lot to you to walk yourself/have someone else walk you… then I would follow your heart.

Post # 12
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m sorry. I also meant to say what Penguin said. It is a deeply personal decision.  either way it is yours to make, and yours to cherish.  having your mother walk you down the aisle is equally as special as walking yourself down the aisle.  it’s what is right for you.

Post # 13
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

(are you me? I feel like you’re writing about my mother!)

I’m in a similar situation. My dad died a few years ago. I will be walking myself down the aisle, and I told my mom that I will have a locket with a picture of my dad attached to my bouquet, so she feels that my dad is ‘sort of’ walking me down the aisle. That seemed to calm her down.

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