- Big Truck
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Helloooooo hive! Need to vent here for a minute.
With the wedding just a few weeks away, I’m starting to stress out more and more, and I’m starting to take it out mostly on FI.
First of all, we never did engagement pictures, which I’d told FI I definitely wanted to do. He wasn’t agreeable at first, then he warmed up to the idea, then he wasn’t really fond of it, and on and on. We scheduled it, then it got cancelled due to weather, then we rescheduled, then we had to cancel cuz my work schedule changed… and we ended up never doing them. I am 100% sure I’ll regret this. I’m already upset about it, but what can I do? Our schedules don’t mesh, so I’ll just suck it up.
I’m not having a bachelorette party because I can’t get my bridesmaids together, again, due to our crazy schedules. We’re all nurses, two of us work 3-11, one works 7a-7p, one works nights…. I mean what can you do? We don’t have the same weekends off, either. I’m not TOO bummed about the lack of a bachelorette party. But I’m one of those people who puts everyone before myself, and for once, it’d be nice if the world revolved around me a minute. I know it will on the wedding day, but I’m not feeling super bridal or special at the moment.
I willingly accepted all of the wedding planning duties, as I don’t want to stress FI out or shove it down his throat and make him sick of hearing about it (like I am now). I did ask for his input regarding several KEY issues: menu, wedding playlist, vows, our first dance song. He has offered NO input, he’s so indifferent about it. “Whatever you want,” he says. Which is nice, but I want him to feel special about our first dance song, I want him to like our vows…. that’s important stuff, in my mind.
About a month ago, I offered him a suggestion for our first dance song (as we don’t have a song as a couple, really), and he said he hated the band the song is by. So I told him to find a song that HE likes, that he thinks would be nice to dance to, and he never got back to me. Our playlist is due in 3 days, so it’s crunch time. I asked him today and he said he had no suggestions and to just go with the one I picked. I asked him if he’d actually listened to any songs (he’s been on vacation all last week, so he’s had some down time to do this, and I’ve been reminding him), he said no. I asked if he’d listened to the song I picked, he said no.
So how do you know if you’re gonna like it or hate it? I want him to think it’s special and I’ve told him the songs mean a lot to me, and he didn’t even listen to the freakin song.
He wants no part in picking the menu. Not even the cake. Fine.
I asked him for songs he wants to hear at the reception, as I’m trying to finish the playlist today/tomorrow. He said he’ll get back to me later. I told him he’s got til tonight before I submit the playlist cuz I’m fuckin done with waiting for him. We’ve had 8 months to put it together, time to finish it.
I gave him TWO planning tasks to take care of: 1) arrange for limos, and 2) plan the honeymoon (using a travel agent friend of my family’s). So really, he just had to contact the travel agent, tell her when and where we want to go, and she’ll take care of the rest. I asked him to do that in May… he still hasn’t contacted her. We still haven’t picked a honeymoon location. He hasn’t called the limo companies like I asked him to…. Am I speaking Swahili? Are my demands too much for him to handle?
He works full time, 7-5. He has weekends off. He’s been on vacation the last 9 days. And still NOTHING has been accomplished. He goes out with his friends every night which is FINE, I know he needs some play time, but would it KILL him to just CALL the travel agent??
Meanwhile, I work off hours, 3-11 5 days a week PLUS weekends, I wake up at 8 every morning to do regular chores (laundry, banking, food shopping, etc) and plan the wedding/organize, etc, PLUS I’m moving out of my parent’s house and into FI’s house, so I’m constantly packing and unpacking. This past week, I haven’t gotten home from work before 1 in the morning, then it takes me about 2 hours before I fall asleep. I’m fucking EXHAUSTED, I’m putting so much work into this wedding, trying to make it nice for us, trying to make it special for both of us, and I’m now realizing that he’s not gonna notice and he’s not gonna give a shit.
We really should’ve just eloped. But I want a fucking wedding.
Not to mention the amount of money I’ve put into this thing….
On top of wedding related shit, the stress from my job, the lack of downtime and play time for ME, I’ve got a ton of emotional crap I’m dealing with. My cousin died unexpectedly in June, we had to put our dog down last week, I found some suspicious enlarged lymph nodes on FI and I’m panicking about those (I’m an oncology nurse, everything makes me paranoid… the fact that he doesn’t want to get them checked out just adds to the stress)… I’m trying to adjust to what our new lifestyle will be like…. I have a LOT on my plate, and I’m a STRONG woman, I can handle it… But I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point.
I’m asking for help from him, and he does nothing. Plus his birthday was last week, I planned a party, had his friends over, got balloons and presents and his favorite cake, and he was relatively unappreciative of it because he’s upset I didn’t throw him a big party last year (for his 30th)… I had to work! I couldn’t help it! I mean my God…. Appreciate what you have.
I dunno, I’m just so stressed and frazzled lately. I’m meeting with my venue tonight to go over some details and finalize the menu, and I asked FI if he wanted to come with. He said unless he has to, he doesn’t really want to. Fuckin fine, I’ll take care of it all AGAIN, by MYSELF. I honestly don’t even need him there, I’m just upset in general.
I know I sound like such a whiny bridezilla. I never thought I’d get this way. I had my shit together up until a few weeks ago when things started to get “real”…. Our rings came in, invites went out and RSVPs are coming in, dress fittings, hair trials, etc.
Thank God for xanax, is all I can say.
So that’s my vent for now. I gotta finish this playlist ugh. Sorry for my bitching.