afraid of my Mom's visit

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hi there! I’m in a bit of a similar situation myself. I’m about 14 weeks pregnant and my parents do want to come out as I live in Europe and they are in the USA. It is a bit of a tricky situation as my parents are in the process of getting a divorce. My dad is clinically bipolar, and there is no way he can come. I can’t handle taking care of him and a newborn. He brings it up every chance he can and I am just punting on that for a bit before I tell him. I’m hoping the divorce will go through before I have to sit him down and really have this conversation. I know he’ll be pissed, but it is really the best thing for his health and the baby’s well-being. He will have to wait until my kid is old enough to fly, and even then there will be a alot of super vision on my part as my dad is not very responsible…. 

My mom is wonderful and perfect. She is the perfect house guest and very supportive. Even with her though, I don’t want her to come out right away. It is important for me to take at least 2 to 4 weeks to get used to my new child and build up my confidence as a mom. It is important that I have time just me and my husband to adjust. I told my mom and it wasn’t a problem – I mean, she is coming out to help and support me and is ok with what I want. 

I think it is just about being honest and drawing boundaries. You are the mom now, you get to decide what is be for your child and how you can be a mom to the best of your abilities. Good luck.

Post # 3
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Honestly, if you don’t want her to visit and it’s only going to cause more anxiety and pressure, tell them not to come. Honestly, your mom sounds like my mom. My mom is a classic narcissist and I don’t want her at my home after the birth of my son in July. I told her she’s not allowed in the delivery room, either. You  mention your mom would criticize you about how you boil a pot of water. I used to get hit for washing the dishes wrong. She also criticizes everything I do and has nothing nice to say to me, ever.

The fact that you can laugh and brush it off amazes me. I am envious that you can handle it that way. I am far too defensive and “bitchy” but it’s because I have to stand my ground with her. She infantilizes me and still verbally abuses me. I am constantly being gaslighted (she denies every terrible thing she ever did or said and claims that I must not be remembering correctly or that I am flat out wrong or lying). She doesn’t like me because I don’t fuel her narcissistic supply. I don’t cater to her ego. I stand up to her and so, I am the black sheep. I would never allow her to stay in my home after the birth of my child no matter how far away she lives.

It is YOUR choice to let her stay. Think about how you want to experience those first days or weeks after the birth of your child. Do you want them with someone who is going to be a constant source of negativity and pressure? Someone you have to walk on eggshells around? Someone who might make you feel pressured to be more “with it” after the birth of a child? I don’t want that kind of pain or pressure. I want a relaxed atmosphere with my husband and my baby. My mother can visit for a few hours but then she HAS to go. It’s YOUR choice. She will get over it if you tell her not to come and that you want time to yourself to experience being a mother BY YOURSELF for the first few days or weeks. If she wants to see her grandchild, she’ll suck it up and get over it. She can visit when you’ve got things more under control. THat’s my 2 cents.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  jennyinstereo.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  jennyinstereo.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  jennyinstereo.
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