Afraid parents will ruin my day

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@fuentesbee:  as much as this sucks. Plan your day around them. Do NOT  let them them ruin your wedding. Just prepare your day the way you want it and leave them out. They are the one missing out in the end. Remember to focus on you and your FI, and all the other guests who are there to love and support you both. At this point you just have to let them go. They have made their decision and you can only control how you let it get to you from this point forward. I am really sorry they are acting this way. That is no way to treat family. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Wow, just tell them to stay home and save their money, it isn’t worth the hassle or drama they may cause.

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you. *Hugs*  My suggestion is to have your friends be your family for you wedding day – ask close friends to do toasts and help you get ready in the morning. If you want a special dance, do one with a supportive friend or even you FFIL, if you’re comfortable with him.

No matter what, the most important family of all – your FI – will be by your side for all those important moments. I know it hurts, but try to let him and the other guests who love and care for you both be your focus.

 

ETA – Are your FI’s parents interested in hosting a rehearsal dinner? If not, you can probably swing one yourself if you keep it light and casual – think a pizza party with the bridal party or even campfire with hotdogs and s’mores!

Post # 6
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

P.S. If you want to show off your dress to someone or just vent, I live in the dc area and am always up for meeting new friends. Smile

Post # 7
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@fuentesbee:  

My mother was not supportive when I was engaged. She said that I was too fat to look good in a wedding dress and she also refused to come dress shopping with me. She tried to force a huge wedding on my husband and I, so that people would think she was rich. When we told my mother that we wanted a small wedding, she said we were marrying like people with no immigration papers.

My husband and I eloped. Even though my parents stopped talking to us for a year afterwards, we sent a very clear message about who makes the decisions in our marriage. We also showed my mother that if she is going to be rude and unsupportive, she will be left out of our lives.

I would elope if my parents were acting like yours.

Post # 8
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

Agree with the other PPs, tell them to not bother to come. I’m so sorry your parents are acting this way :(. I’d be heartbroken if my dad was acting this way…but I think I’d ask him not to attend if he wasn’t going to be supportive. 

Post # 9
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I have similar issues with my mother. She never contacts me unless there is an occasion coming up where I am expected to buy her a gift.  She didn’t congratulate me when FH proposed. She didn’t ask if I wanted to go dress shopping. When I showed her a picture of my dress, she asked how much it cost and then her inly comment was that it was too expensive. And ever since then if I say we booked something else she asks how much we are paying and then complains about the price.

It should be noted she has not been asked to pay for anything, and isn’t contributing at all.

I’m not sure exactly WTF her problem is, and my solution is to just stop talking to her about it. To be honest, I don’t have any advice for you, I just wanted you to know you’re not the only one with jerk parent/s

Post # 11
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Bazinga:  +1 But I’m one of those people who has no problem cutting toxic people out. I did this with my own mother when I realized that she never gave a shit about me.

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fuentesbee:  A girls’ night out sounds like a fun way to celebrate before your wedding!

DH works near the Eisenhower Metro – we live in the Rose Hill area, outside the city.

Post # 15
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@fuentesbee:  I’m an only child, too. However, my mother made it very clear that she values her nasty boyfriend over her own child, so she made the decision for me.

Post # 16
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@fuentesbee:

Wow… that’s horrible.  I think you should just do whatever you want and not let them affect the day.  You could dance with your soon to be father in law or either one of yours or your fiance’s grandparents.

As someone who disowned her parents I understand the feeling of loss of family.  I’m not saying you should disown them, it’s a choice that you shouldn’t make with out thinking about it.  To atleast me though it really made me even closer to my fiance’s family.

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