- 5 years ago
SO and I talked again about marriage (not a fight at all, actually a really pleasant talk). We’re in our early-mid twenties, but we’ve been together for nearly 5 years so I feel like we should be engaged by now. He has told me:
1.) He feels like right now, we’re both too young (He also mentioned there being no rush, since we don’t want to have children for another 5-7 years anyway)
2.) He would like to be more stable financially, he mentioned rings being expensive.
3.) He would like us both to be more mature and settled- he mentioned we still drink a lot and party, and he thinks we should be more “adult” when we get married.
4.) He says he will definitely marry me someday, and he promises he’s not the kind of guy who puts marriage off for 10 years and then marries someone else (my fear)
5.) He promised that none of this has to do with a fear of commitment, or any second thoughts about me as a potential wife, just that he doesn’t think either of us is mature enough YET. He says a good timeline is 2 years from now.
I just don’t know what to do. Why are there SO many objections? If he’s so sure he’s going to marry me, why not just do it this year? I’m fine with the 2-year timeline he gave, but I just don’t believe he’ll stick to it. Several years ago he mentioned “a few years from now”. Well, it’s been a few years! When I asked him about that, he said he was just daydreaming back then, and it’s more “real” now–back then he was just throwing out numbers without really thinking about what they meant or where we would be at that time.
He’s turning 26 soon, so hopefully being in the 2nd half of his twenties will help him realize we’re not teenagers? I just don’t understand what “too young” means. Plenty of people our age are already married. This is just making me think he doesn’t want to marry ME. I told him that’s how I felt, and he just said “Well, I don’t think we’re ready now, but I definitely want to marry you. In two years, how abou that?”
It’s just…if he’s definitely sure about me, why not do it sooner? We already do everythign as though we were married- and we’ve been living together for two years now. I don’t get why he’s so tentative. He’s always had trouble making big decisions (including choosing an apartment, etc) so maybe it’s partially that…but I just don’t see why he isn’t trying to lock me down. Whenever his friends date women for long periods of time, he says they’re silly for not thinking about marriage, and that the woman might leave. Why isn’t he considering that possibility with me?
When i talk to my mom she says we’re “way too young” and we shouldn’t even be discussing it (absurd). I just want to get engaged and I’m so tired of waiting. I definitely am not going to leave SO because I love him more than I could ever love anyone else, but this waiting period has made me feel so unlovable and rejected. I don’t think he’s ever going to do it. At this point, I’m not even sure talking to him would make a change. What can I even do??
Again, I’m not even considering breaking up so please don’t suggest that.