Post # 1
I am completely thrilled and am looking forward to my wedding day until I think of the one detail that brings me excitement to a sudden halt…my weight. I have spent the last four years battling my weight and through diet and exercise, have succeeded to lose, thus far, 105 pounds. To most, this is quite an accomplishment and is something I should be proud of. I, however, can never manage to be happy with myself. I’m currently hovering around the 160 mark and at 5’6”, according to the BMI chart, am still considered overweight. And trust me, I feel overweight. I peruse different boards and blogs on this site and see so many beautiful, flawless brides, and never quite feel like I’ll measure up to any of these women. I was never meant to be a size 6, and it’s difficult coming to terms with that. Additionally, when you lose as much weight as I have, your body doesn’t necessarily ‘snap’ back to normal. (I have a lot of loose, extra skin). Let’s just say I will NEVER be able to wear a bikini.
I am so completely blessed that my FH is amazing and tells me multiple times daily that I am beautiful, but I feel he is biased because he loves me. He works daily with me to accept my flaws and celebrate the positive things about my looks. It’s difficult, however, to accept the fact that I will never be thin. Consequently, I feel like I won’t be a beautiful bride…and this absolutely terrifies me. I am literally in tears over this once or twice a week.
This post was very difficult for me to write, but I am seeking advice from women who are facing a similar situation or have overcome an issue like this. How is it possible to feel beautiful when I feel like the biggest person in the room? I’ve attached an engagement photo to give you an idea of my size. Please let me make it clear that I am NOT fishing for compliments; I’m genuinely looking for advice to get over this issue.
Post # 3
@Link1965: You are so, so pretty! You’ve got a gorgeous smile, and you and your FI look so happy together. I honestly would never have pegged your weight at 160 (I probably would have guessed closer to 140ish, but granted, I’m terrible at estimating these things). I know that weight is such a touchy issue and it’s easy to obsess over it, but if it’s causing issues in your life (with your relationships, your happiness), a counselling session or two with a therapist who specializes in body image might help.
Post # 4
does you FI love you and want to marry you? are you happy? then i don’t know what the problem is.
there are many skinny women out there who are unhappy
and many skinny women who are in the 30’s/40’s who are still single.
Post # 5
You are gorgeous. I would love to be as skinny as you. I’ll tell you what my FMIL tells me. There is no such thing as an ugly baby or an ugly bride. Lol. She’s right.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@Link1965: For what it’s worth, I am a size 6 and let me tell you, losing weight does not neccesarily make you happy. I thought it would but it doesn’t.
You are beautiful. Gorgeous jawline, NICE butt (no one likes a flat butt!!). You should be so proud of yourself!! If I saw you in the street I wouldn’t even think you were chunky.
It’s very hard to be happy with ourselves when society tells us we’re overweight. Try to ignore that pervasive influence and stay positive!
Post # 7
Look at the smiles on your faces, look at the smile on his face, and then realise that you are utterly completely beautiful to him. Big hugs, lots of luv and congratulations on your upcoming wedding 😀
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@Link1965: I am the same height and weight as you, and I have to say I’m suffering from the same issues. I feel like if I can drop a stone, then maybe, maybe I’ll look okay. I got a bit disheartened when someone posted this app on here where you could put in your current weight, and your desired weight, and it would show two ‘dolls’ to demonstrate the weight loss, and to my eyes my target-weight doll still looked chunky.
Unlike me though, you seem to not have the problem of double-chinning in photos – you look so lovely in that photograph, and very slim around the face (I have red cheeks, which are round, which doesn’t help), and you have lovely slim arms (another body part I’m pretty sensitive about).
You look really beautiful in that picture.
If you’re worried about loose skin, I think there are certain toning exercises you can do to help – I’ve been doing this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dQOBbLnk7o for my arms (and it hurts like hell so must be doing something!!), and I’m sure you can find some which can target other areas. Weight/resistance work may be useful, and also swimming. Toning up can help you look slimmer as well, without having to necessarily lose any more weight. My mother has spent my whole life telling me exactly how much toning up can help, and certainly when I’ve been in a regular exercise routine I’ve found areas toning even though I’m not losing weight. Pilates might also be another good route to try! (also, I vaguely understand that moisturising can help, but don’t understand the wheres, hows and whys of that)
I’m very impressed you have lost so much weight, you should be so proud of that (I’ve been trying to drop my weight for the last few years, but my self control is extremely poor and thus it hasn’t happened. It takes a lot of willpower and strength of character to accomplish what you’ve done! You’re clearly a very determined and focussed person, remember that if it gets you down.
Post # 9
You are beautifully perfect
Post # 10
@Link1965: First of all, GREAT JOB on the wieght loss! I am on the same journey, started at 178, currently 155 at a short 5’4′. And yes you are correct, I just like you, feel like I have lost weight but I sitll don’t feel like I am where I want to be. I consume over being hideous on my wedding day.
You look fabulous in the pic you posted. You and you FH look so happy together, and if he loves you the way you are that is a ++++++. I know it is hard to let go of the image we all have in our minds about how we should look (most of it based on comsuming over how we feel everyone else looks), but try as I do to just be happy in WHO YOU ARE, and the accomplishments to date. 100+ pounds is A LOT of weight to lose!! You are getting married to a wonderful man, and YOU WILL BE A STUNNING BRIDE!!!
No you are not fat!! No you are not ugly!! You are beautiful, and there is so much more to beauty than size or weight. I agree with PP there are many women who are smaller than both of us, who are terribly unhappy and alone!!
Post # 11
We all have body issues or see ourselves more harshly than others see us — We don’t like our ankles, or our noses… Our ears are uneven, or our eyes are too small… We are long wasited, we are short waisted, we are too tall, we are too short, we have big teeth, we have braces, we have a mole, we have scars… We are too hard on ourselves and we compare ourselfes to others who are looking right back at us comparing themselves to us! YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! You have worked hard to be HEALTIER and you have a wonderful man who LOVES YOU and wants to MARRY YOU! Just try to keep remembering those things, focus on you health and the happy life you are building with the man you love, because that is what is truely important!
Post # 12
@lealorali: @ajillity81: +1 Add me to the “unhappy-skinny-woman” list.
@Link1965: I do not care what anyone tells you, how pictures in magazines make you feel, what you read on here:
*There is no such thing as an ugly bride*
Post # 13
I am the same height and weight as you, but I am used to being a few sizes smaller. It’s only been in the last couple of years that my weight has creeped up. I have lost about 10 lbs from my highest weight, but I was hoping to lose more before the wedding… however it’s just not coming off. So, I do know where you’re coming from.
However, I think you need to focus on your accomplishments so far – that is an incredible thing to lose so much weight already! Also, I think that on your wedding day, when you have the dress on and your hair and make-up done, that will help you feel pretty. It has helped me to look at pictures of other brides who are about my size and see how great they looked – I just hope the same is true for me!
Post # 14
I feel the same way (not necessarily about my weight, but just my looks in general). Like, I’ll look at photographers blogs and the brides all look SOOO gorgeous. I’m so worried I’ll get my pictures back and I’ll just look like…me.
I just keep reminding myself that as long as I don’t have lipstick in my teeth and my dress fits decently well (I only say this because my cousin’s dress was too big and too long becase she didn’t think she’d need alterations – uh, what?), then I’ll look amazing.
Post # 15
This makes me sad. When I look at your picture, I see a beautiful confident woman. I don’t see any weight. It makes me sad that you don’t see yourself that way. 🙁
Post # 16
@Link1965: Looking at your figure, I can see you have similar weight distribution as I do, that is heavy on bottom. Go try on a dress with a natural waist and a poofy bottom. You’ll feel and look amazing. Personally, I never felt slimer than on my wedding day, all thanks to the right dress. Try someting with this shape: