- 2 years ago
Going anon for this post…I am not yet engaged, however I have been with my SO for 5 years. We are both in our mid 20’s. I love him, but he’s had some problems with substance abuse in the past. First it was alcohol, then marijuana, now he’s “vaping” behind my back (which I know isn’t a substance, but it’s still a problem for me).
He gets very aggressive and mean when he drinks, which he has gotten under control a little bit. He’s been arrested a couple times for misdemeanor possession of marijuana and ended up on probation. I feel that we got along the best while he was on probation because he wasn’t smoking it anymore. I asked him last fall to quit smoking weed and he claims he did (after lots of arguing between us). Sadly, I don’t think he really did. I know he’s an addict but he just doesn’t see it. Unfortunately, he follows his friend’s lead and does what they think is “cool”.
A few months ago he expressed interest in buying a vaporizer to smoke flavored oil. I wasn’t happy about this at all because:
1. I think it’s trashy (no offense to anyone on here who uses it or has used it to quit smoking, where I live it’s synonymous with trashy people)
2. I think it’s going to cause him to fall back into the habit of smoking weed and/or cigarettes (which he also claims he quit for me, although I’ve caught him SEVERAL times with them)
3. He’s not using it as a “stop smoking” aid, he’s doing it just to do it. He heard about it from a friend so of course he wanted to do it.
There’s no reason to pick up a bad habit for no reason. But I can’t seem to get him to see this from my point of view. He still claims to this day that he doesn’t have a vaporizer, however I have found the bottles of liquid flavoring, a bag of “parts” for the vaporizer, the rechargeable batteries for it, etc. I’m really mad and upset that he’s been lying to me. I’ve been considering breaking up with him for almost a year but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I love him and I just want him to consider how I feel.
The advice I see given most for a break up is “go out with your girlfriends to get your mind off things”. Problem is I have no girlfriends anymore or friends at all for that matter. My best friend since middle school moved 15 hours away a couple years ago, my good friend from work was killed in a car accident 3 years ago and my cousin that I used to hang out with all the time is a drug addict now. I am very close to my brother’s fiancé, however I consider her family and her work schedule is opposite of mine so I don’t see her as much as I would like. I feel isolated, alone and depressed. I have no idea how to make new girlfriends and if we break up I feel like I’ll never meet someone else. After all, I won’t meet a guy at home in front of the tv.
I’m meeting up with my bf tonight to try one more time to talk to him about this situation, I would love it if I could get some advice on how to go about getting him to see my point of view. Thanks bees.