(Closed) Afraid to start planning

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m ambivalent about wedding planning too, but for a different reason. I am just not a fan of weddings really. I am happy to attend them for the sake of the people involved, but they aren’t really something I look forward to except as a chance to dress up. 

What can you do to make the wedding happy and exciting for yourself? Whatever it is just go ahead and do it and start planning it out first. We’re going to end up playing games at ours rather than dancing, because that is something that makes us happy.

We booked the venue first and we chose it because it’s already got a lot of character built right in so we won’t have to fuss with decorations, which neither of us are very keen on. I’ve seen it suggested before that you make a small list of the things that are most important to you and most important to your fiance and put the most effort into those items. Maybe you could start by doing something similar?

Post # 4
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally felt that way when I first got engaged! I had no idea where to start, and everything seemed so overwhelming (expecially after looking at those massive “to do” lists on the knot). After about 6 months of doing absolutely nothing, we started looking at venues (they book up fast in the small town we are getting married in, so had to book over a year in advance). After the venue was booked, everything started to fall into place. I got the “wedding planning fever” and booked the photographer, dj, and officiant soon after.

I think booking the venue was the biggest push I needed to get my butt into gear. Once the venue was done, I had my “vision” of what the wedding would look like, and went from there with booking other vendors. I still have TONS to do, but the big things are out of the way, and I can focus on making my vision become reality.

I think once you start and get your venue, or something big out of the way, you will start to enjoy the planning process more. It’s great that FI wants to help!! It will make the planning that much more fun and special! Good luck and happy planning!

Post # 5
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Did I write this?

I am the same way! We got engaged in February. I have done no planning, neither has he. We get all anxious and scared when we talk about weddings, due to money and the fact that we dont’ want a big party focused on us. It’s daunting and scary to even consider starting.

All I’ve been doing is looking at magazines praying something will pop out at me and give me a vision that will jump start my planning. If it helps, I was told the first thing to do is begin a guest list, so you can decide how big of a venue and budget you need. Other than that, I’m just like you!

Post # 6
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You and I are sort of going through the same thing.  I’ve been engaged since December.  My wedding is July 2012, and I don’t have a single thing booked, deposited, payed for, etc.  Most of the women here getting married at the same time (or even after!) already have a venue, dress, cake ordered, etc.  Now that I know that I am very close to booking our venue, I am overwhelmed with nerves.  I am so scared of our wedding day (mainly I have anxiety about being up in front of others).  Right now, just talking about this, and reminding myself that in a month my venue will be reserved, my stomach is killing me (my stomach hurts when I get nervous).  I am far more nervous than excited, at the moment.  I hope and pray that my nerves calm down before my big day.

I was sort of hoping to go dress shopping with my FMIL this week.  She’s off today, but I’m too afraid to ask her to come with me because I am afraid to see myself in the dress. I know that will be the moment when reality really hits me.  Like I said, my stomach hurts really badly and abruptly when I’m nervous.  I’d hate to have to take a bathroom break when I’m all laced up in a huge gown!  Lol!

Post # 7
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about the timeline you’re working with right now (being that it is July and you are planning on a June 2012 wedding).  We just got married last month, June 18th, 2011 and we had just started looking at venues July 2010 but didn’t even book that until October 2010.  Once we booked the venue(which included catering/cake), it all seemed UPHILL from there!  I just wanted to get that done with, and once we booked it, I took a break from planning for a little.

My next step was to book a photographer, so I had looked online at a bunch of sites and emailed a bunch, deleted the emails/packages that were too much for us, and kept a few that I was interested in.  We booked the photographer in December, then met with a DJ and Florist in December and booked the first ones we met with as we really liked them.  I also picked out my dress in December.  After December, I took another long break of planning.  These little breaks in between each step really helped as I did not get stressed or feel overwhelmed – I knew I had time to do things I wanted to do.  Probably around March I ordered some table linens, decided to do donations for favors, and bought a few of the little accessories (ring pillow/flower girl basket, cake cutting set, etc. all at Hobby Lobby when they were 50% off – so a one shop trip for all that).  I wasn’t picky throughout the whole process which made it much less stressful and the day came out BEAUTIFULLY!  Everyone was impressed with everything I made (randomly when I was bored) and the day went smoothly. 

Once you get the first thing done (which should probably be the venue), you’ll feel better after that, you’ll be able to picture what the day/ballroom will look like and know more of what you want from there.  Just slowly start looking up venues, book one, and I’m sure things will feel a lot better after that!  If you have any questions, just ask! 

Post # 8
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

By the way, I noticed the last poster stating how nervous she was and I wanted to add that I was terrified of getting married even from before I was engaged!  I wasn’t scared of marrying him, but scared of being the center of attention and being in front of everyone.  We had a rehearsal the night before the wedding, and I was so nervous at it and not even all the guests were there!  I wasn’t feeling well, I felt shaky and a little nauseaus, so that night at rehearsal dinner I was telling a few people that I was soo scared for the next day at the wedding and I thought I would be so bad – turned out, I was FINE the whole wedding day and all the girls were asking “are you okay, are you okay?” in the limo on the way to church and I said “yes, I’m sure it’ll hit me as I’m walking into church and I’ll get bad” and it DIDN’T!  I got up on the altar with my husband and I was good to go!  It was so strange, but I guess I needed that rehearsal to get all the fear out.  Just wanted to give you some uplifting feedback from someone who was scared!!

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