Afraid to tell anyone we're trying?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lazybee123:  TTC is often a private matter and, therefore, people may react bizarrely because they are not used to be privy to this kind of information. If you want to share, that is totally your call. However, I encourage you to expect odd reactions along with a bit of excitement/joy. Smile

Post # 4
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lazybee123:  Why would you tell anyone you’re trying anyway? We didn’t. It’s an extremely personal thing to be sharing.

And I never really want to know if anyone else is. (Unless they’re struggling and need support).

So like you’re thinking, we just announced it to family once I was pregnant. (I think I told at 8-10 weeks, but these days they suggest 12).

Post # 5
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m not TTC. However, if I were I would probably not tell anyone except for those closest to me. It would be discouraging to hear other’s opinions or have others “check up” on you if it took longer than you were expecting.

Post # 6
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lazybee123:  To your question – yes! Exactly! Not quite for the same reason, though. Both our families let it be known that they were excited for grandkids, but I didn’t want the pressure/disappointment of people asking “Do you have any news?!” everytime we talked! It took us 5 loooooong months to get pregnant, and it was stressful enough without anybody prodding us about it. Not a single person (IRL) knew we were trying until we announced we were expecting, and that’s exactly how we’ll do it when we try for babe #2! If you’re not sure how they’ll react, don’t even bring them into the conversation – it’s a decision for you and your DH to make, nobody else need have a say!

Post # 7
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lazybee123:  while we weren’t offivilly trying for this one, we discussed that we would not be telling anyone when we started trying. We didn want the comments, questions, opinions, status checks, etc. it would be really upsetting for people to be asking about it if god forbid we couldn’t get pregnant or it took a while. 

Most people were surprised when we told them we were pregnant but not in a bad way. were adults so we don’t need anyone’s approval if they werent happy too bad! 

Post # 8
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not TTC but I wouldn’t ever tell anyone IRL if we were anyways. It’s a private matter and there are quite a few reasons for wanting to keep it to myself.

Post # 9
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lazybee123:  I totally sympathize. I really want to avoid any unwelcome advice, questions, or opinions, so why invite it? I’m also in academia where there is still a nasty belief going around that women who have kids can’t be as successful as those who don’t – nevermind that no one would bat an eye at a man becoming a father. I also know that trying to conceive can take time. For us it will happen when the time is right and I’d rather not have anyone else worried about how fast or slow it happens for us.

It is a bit lonely, but I really don’t feel comfortable telling anyone and I would probably wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone!

Post # 10
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lazybee123:  I agree with all the previous posters.  It never crossed my mind to tell people we were TTC.  I’ve never had anyone tell me this information, and it would be pretty awkward.  The only time I can see it making sense is if, like a PP mentioned, it’s been a long time and you feel like you need support from family.

It’s not information you can exactly take back.  Everyone would be watching you and possibly asking if you are pregnant yet.

I think that’s why these boards are helpful.  We can share the stresses and excitements of TTC with people who understand what we’re going through without telling anyone in real life.

Once you are actually pregnant, only the rudest people would say anything (to your face anyway) about it not being good timing.  

Post # 11
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@lazybee123:  I believe that TTC is VERY private. And will not tell anyone when we are trying. If you tell people, and then it ends up taking longer than you expected… it can lead to worrysome family members who mean well, but are just adding to the stress. Plus, I don’t want my family to know whats going on in our sex life/my vagina. My family will not know until we are around 10 weeks pregnant.

Post # 12
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@paula1248:  I’m not TTC or anything… but why is it suggested to wait so long to tell people (8-12 wks) once you get the BFP. Just curious. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sheepandbear:  The chance of a miscarriage are highest early in the pregnancy. So you want to avoid the situation where you tell the whole world you’re pregnant, and then have to tell the the sad news of a MC a week later 🙁 🙁

p.s. For one of my pregnancies I had no choice, because I was playing sport and had to drop out. Fortunately all went well.

Post # 14
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree that there’s no need to tell anyone you’re trying.  And then everytime you call, they’re always wondering if you’re calling to say you’re pregnant, people are thinking way too much about your sex life and overanalyzing things – just unnecessary I think.  We only told my parents, and it was only because they were trying to plan a family vacation and kept asking us about different dates months in the future, so I told them so they’d understand why we were so noncommittal.  I’m really glad we didn’t tell anyone else, because it prevented any extra stress, and then it was so exciting and fun to share our surprise.

Post # 15
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It’s nobody’s business when you TTC.  My best friend knows we’re trying soon, but that’s it (and just because she and I talk about pretty much everything).  If the timing is right for you and your husband, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  As long as you’re able to provide for a child, I say go for it and don’t care what anyone thinks!  

And just FYI, I wouldn’t tell most people until after we’re expecting – it’s your decision how and when you disclose that info, but for me, I just can’t imaging pretty much anyone knowing we’re trying for a baby, just in case it takes awhile.

Post # 16
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

Yup, I agree. No ones business, plus it eliminates that mental image lol! 

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