Afraid to tell waiting friend you're engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you have any friends you were nervous to tell about the engagement?
    Yes, jealousy was an issue : (13 votes)
    23 %
    Yes, they didn't like my SO : (0 votes)
    Nope, they were all just happy for us : (22 votes)
    39 %
    Nope, I didn't care what they thought : (18 votes)
    32 %
    Other : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    559 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    If you think she’ll be jealous maybe announce it in a group setting so it doesn’t seem like…youre shoving it in her face(since she is likely to get jealous). Or maybe text a picture “this just happened! I’m so excited! Call you later!!” etc or whatever.lol.

    idk,I at least think this girl will pretend to be happy for you. Good luck

    Post # 5
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    Eeeeekkk.

    To be honest, if I knew someone was going to cry tears of sadness when I tell them I’m engaged, I wouldn’t tell them one to one. I’d just let them find out over Facebook or by telling her in a group. I’d become scarred to have a friend react like that towards my happy news. But mainly because I’ve spent more time being the friend waiting.

    I’ve had four people close to me become engaged since I started the ‘waiting’ phase a year ago, and I was over the moon happy tears and squeals for them. Yeah, after the initial happy buzz for them wore off, I felt sad, bummed, bitter and sometimes angry. But it was with myself and my situation, never them. And I kept it to myself and dealt with it privately. Or if I did talk to someone, it was my married friends because I felt it was more appropriate. I work very diligently to ensure that my problems don’t deter from another’s happiness. 

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It’s nice of you to think of her. As we can see here on the Bee jealousy gets the best of us sometimes. I don’t think there’s much you can do to help her feel better. You don’t want her to feel like you feel bad for her. I would try to be as normal as possible.

    Post # 8
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I just recently got engaged but had a friend in the EXACT same situation as your friend and about a month ago, my fiance and I got engaged. I was panicked about telling her and I casually had to drop it into a conversation and I tried to seem as unexcited as possible so she wouldn’t get too worked up. Her first response was “Well at least one of us got a ring,” and then rushed me off the phone. I know she was going through a lot but that comment really stung. I just decided to not make it an issue and a few days later she came to her senses and apologized. From that point forward she has been nothing but supportive.

    I think cutting your friend some slack when you make that announcment is the key. You certainly don’t want to magnify the inadequacies in her relationship and I am sure she doesn’t want you to feel like your engagment shouldn’t be special. I’d just take any less than ideal responses with a grain of salt.

    Post # 9
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    All of my friends were happy for me when I got engaged. Anyone who would be upset with me for having a good thing happen in my life isn’t someone I’d consider a real friend.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2247 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have one friend who will be jealous when I get engaged – she’s said as much – but she’s my friend and I know as much as it will hurt her, she would never publicly react in a less that happy way.

    To be honest, I would be really disappointed in her if she acted jealous towards me or was rude or snarky. She’s my friend and she should be happy for me!

    Obviously I’ll do my best not to ‘rub it in her face’ but it’s not going to be something I walk around on egg shells about.

    Post # 11
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’m actually in this position RIGHT NOW, only from the other end! I’ve been with my BF 5, almost 6, years. She’s been with her now fiance for just over 3, and she’s been acting all anxious and what not bc her fiance is a lot older than us. I would even get annoyed when she would get annoyed that they weren’t engaged, like HELLO! I KNOW i’ll be engaged soon, and I’m not worried that it’s not going to happen I just REALLY REALLY thought I’d be next and it bummed me out BAD. 

    I’m happy for my bff, and I would never ACT jealous, or make it seem like I was anything but happy for her, but I can’t pretend there aren’t pangs of jealousy here and there! Mostly I joke about how my bf is ruining our plans for a joint wedding 😛 I’m gonna be a bridesmaid and I’m super excited to do all the wedding stuff with her, and after about 10 mins and a little pep talk to myself about not being a shitty friend and snapping the f out of it, I was legit excited and ready to start planning stuff with her and gushing and getting the full scoop and everything.

    Now, there seem to be some differences, I have a great relationship with my man and the engagement is not something I’m wondering IF it’s coming, I’m wondering WHEN it’s coming, but we’re both on the same page. It sounds like if your friend is going to be jealous it’s because she’s already jealous of how great your relationship is! 

    Honestly, if she can’t hold back whatever feelings she happens to be feeling and just let herself feel happy for you, especially when you first tell her,  Or if she can’t at the very least be like oh my goooood I’M SUPER JELLY BUT I’M SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU!. then she’s being a bad friend! If roles were reversed I’m sure your happiness for your friend would outweigh any jealousy you might be feeling!

    Post # 12
    Member
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    @Yak:  Two if our best friends got engaged a week before us. I knew the day was approaching for us and didn’t want to see our friends until we were engaged too… So I can understand the hesitation. I wouldn’t worry about it until you have to, who knows maybe they’ll break up or maybe they’ll get engaged. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    568 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I had a friend stop talking to me after I got engaged. Her and her boyfriend were together for 5 years, she wanted a commitment but he wouldnt give her one (her was previously married), she wanted to live with him, he wouldnt live with her, he wanted to buy a house for them and they also both had kids so they could live like a family but he refused to let her be on the mortgage or the deed. She was my best friend, or so I thought. After my engagemet within about 2 weeks she delted me on facebook, block me, didnt return phone calls, or emails, nothing. We went from talking everysingle day to absolutely nothing. It was pretty sad. The fact that she would throw away a friendship over jealousy shows she wasnt a real friend to begin with so im kind of glad shes gone.

    If your friend is a true friend she will be by your side and support you no matter how jealous she may be on the inside. You can’t hold your life back because you are worried of a friend being jealous.

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