Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Mr. Peng and I really are just nowhere ready for kids. We both talk about our future with kids, but mostly in a teasing way (like, “I’m going to be a way better dad than you’ll be a mom”) but overall, I’m just mostly terrified that the urge to procreate will never kick in and we’ll end up just doing it knowing that we’ll regret not having a child when we’re 50 years old. I only know people in 2 distinct boats: They’re dying to have kids, or they know they don’t want kids and they never will. I feel like we fall into the “We only want to have a kid so we don’t regret it later” boat, and that’s kind of a crappy boat to be in. I definitely am banking on my biological clock, and hope that one day I’ll just be DYING to have kids… in the meantime, I’m super thrilled for all the people I know who are procreating, and hope that being surrounded by people with kids will get our baby blood flowing.
My SIL is pregnant, and they basically decided to get pregnant because she was getting older, and figured it was “now or never” so they just… did it. I think it’s a huge bummer to be in that boat and I think it will be like that with us (apparently that’s how it is on our family!)
I guess I’m seeking people that are/were in the same boat: did the baby bug eventually kick in for you? Did being surrounded by friends that became parents help? I want us to get there. I WANT to want to have a baby eventually. It’s definitely the next step, and we’re not in a hurry by any means… but I don’t want to just eventually start trying because I’m getting borderline old.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2008 - Oceanfront lawn and tent
Everyone keeps telling me to “WAIT! until you just can’t wait anymore!” But I don’t know if I’ll ever quite get there…
Post # 4
if you aren’t already an aunt, maybe that will be telling…I was going through a ‘no kid’ phase when I first became and aunt (granted, in undergrad)…but, as soon as I saw my niece it was ON! I haven’t had doubts since then and now have a major baby bug. At least you have time to decide, and you could always adopt later, too!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I’m an only child!!! Boooo!!! Mr. Peng’s step sister is pregnant, but we only really see them at Christmas… not enough time to really get lots of baby time. I’m definitely all about adopting as well!
Post # 6
I was definitely queen of the “no kids” club until I got pregnant with my daughter. She is 12 now…but I still don’t really like the idea of her being an only child…plus…I LOVE babies. My FI and I want 1 or 2. Some people just don’t want kids and that’s OK. I have a good friend who got married and neither her or her husband have ANY desire to have kids…now or later…ain’t gonna happen for them. If you don’t have the bug…don’t worry about it…you have time and there’s always adoption or being a foster parent if the bug hits later on in life.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - Claxton Farm
Pengy- I’m with you. I love children, but I love giving them back to their parents. And, to be totally 100% honest, I find kids in singular numbers kinda…well…boring 🙂 I want a room full of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love to snuggle a cute wee one, but after 15 minutes, I’m kinda done…
I’m getting really close to 30, so with our impending nuptials, the parent inquiries about grandbabies have started…and I want to be sure I’m having kids because we want them and not b/c we want our parents to have the experience of being a grandparent.
It is tough!
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
Pengy, I’m in the boat with you, just call me the skipper!
Post # 9
DH and I definitely want kids (well, I’m not necessary thrilled about HAVING them in the physical sense, but neither of us has any doubt about wanting to raise one or two). But we’re in the same position of not knowing when to go for it. I’m just finishing up law school and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to actually be a lawyer…but I need to find some kind of job so we can move out of this holding pattern we’re in right now, find a house, pay off my loans, put some more money away, and then think about kids. No idea when that’s going to be, though, and I wish we could say “we’re going to start trying in two years” or something more definite like that. Especially now that one of my good friends/classmates is just pregnant with her second child, and I’m super happy for her but at the same time, it’s hit me harder than I ever thought it would…
Post # 10
It never kicked in for me and luckily FI feels the same way I do. I think I’m too old to have the clock suddenly kick in. I think I was born missing the “clock” gene! I know a ton of people who are not having kids so for us, it’s not strange.
Post # 11
I’m not sure fear of regret is a good reason to do anything (or not do anything)! We all make the best decisions we can for us at any one time and if later down the track you wish you’d had a baby, you’ll just have to remind yourself that it was the best decision at the time. It might suck but it would be better than regretting having a baby 🙂 My FH feels the same as you, we are not intending on babies for another few years yet. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, some people just don’t want to be parents and that is totally fine 🙂
Post # 12
We’re in a different boat. We want kids as soon as we’re financially able. I already feel like i’m getting too old to have kids when most of my friends and family had at least one child in their mid to late twenties and here i am in my thirties with no babies in the near future. i’m resigning myself to the fact that Mr. Contrary and I will be old parents (a mildly unpleasant thought) but i hope we won’t be that couple that people think… “i thought those were his/her grandparents!” ack.
Post # 13
I’m 38 and never felt the need to have kids. I am, however, kind of a thrill seeker and wanted to make sure I didn’t miss out on any of the experiences that life has open to me. For me, having the experience of having and raising a kid seems like one of those pinnacle experiences that I’d like to have. I’m sure being a pediatrician has something to do with my thoughts on that.
I don’t think there’s ever a right or wrong time, but whatever you guys decide is going to be the absolute right thing for you… Like if for example, an accident happened and you did just happen to get pregnant, then it would be the right time… not because of fate or anything, but because you’d make it work. And if you sincerely felt like there was just no way that you will ever be ready, and you wait forever, then that’s the absolute right decision for you.
I hope I’m making sense, because it makes perfect sense in my head.
Post # 14
Mr. Lab and I are in the boat where we both know we want kids but feel like we’ll never be ready financially or free-timely (if that’s a word???). I just can’t picture ever being at a point where we feel like we have the money and time to raise children. We’re both very selfish and know kids aren’t in the immediate future, but WHEN? Is there ever REALLY a right time? What if we have the money but feel at that time that it’s not enough? Lots of what ifs!
Post # 15
Thanks so much for writing this post, Pengy. I feel like this all the time. I know we both want to have kids someday, but I kinda wonder if I’ll ever get “Baby Fever” like some of my friends have experienced. I love children (as an early childhood teacher) and know on an intellectual level that I would love to be a mom someday. However, as much as I love everyone else’s kids, I’ve yet to have the “I want one of these” feeling. I wonder if I’m ever going to suddenly feel that urge, or if we’ll just get to a point where my age forces the issue and we just decide “if we’re going to do this then we should start now…” We’ve definitely gotten the full court press from family members–people started asking me AT OUR WEDDING RECEPTION when we were going to have a baby! Dude! Anyway, we’re not in a financial position to be ready for a baby anytime soon, so they’re just going to have to wait!
I guess I’m just going to wait and see how things go. I am interested to see if I actually ever get The Baby Fever or not.
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
Pengy, I’m in your WANT to want to have kids boat too!! My friends have always said that I am the “mothering/homemaker” type, so I always thought I would be a good mom someday… I just don’t know when that someday will be! I don’t feel as if I could be responsible for another FRAGILE human life at this point, and wonder when I’ll ever be. I think Mr. E is more ready for kids than I am at this point. Eeks…