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Hiya ladies!! The 30+ thread got me thinking, as an African American Bride do you think you face challenges that other brides of different nationalities and cultures don't? For example does your family not get the whole big extravagant wedding thing, or does your family think they can plan everything for you decor-wise and not get why you're hiring professionals?
Personally, I think when it's time my family will just kind of roll with the punches. My mom has made the statement that my aunts BETTER help because she helped with my two cousins' weddings. Ummm is it wrong that I don't want any of them to help because our tastes are different?
I think that's actually something that all brides, regardless or race and/or culture have to deal with.
There are unique things that we all have to deal with... and some families will think one thing and we may be thinking another! I would just know what you want, how you want to acknowledge your family/cultural customs and then as soon as plans are announced, announce your expectations. I.e. Mom- we're hiring a wedding planner because we want for you and the aunties to enjoy this process with us and not stress out :-)
I haven't experienced any particularly special-to-me challenges for our upcoming wedding as a black woman. My mother is actually the one who suggested a wedding planner and insisted on a professional designer for our reception space. We're embracing both "cultures" (FI's Irish-American) by jumping a broom and recessing to bagpipes, but the only time I can think of that it's actually even come up was that I'll have to get two different hairdressers for updo's for the ladies in my party since our hair is different.
@maestro: how cool!! i don't really want to do the broom jump because i'm afraid i will fall (totally my craziness) but i'll definitely do the tasting of the elements.
@klp: i think they are issues that all brides have to go through definitely, but i was wondering if any African Americans felt there were issues that they went through and felt it was simply because they were AA (this sounds very ackward to me the way I am stating it, but I hope you know what I mean)...
My SIL is AA and our family is Asian American. They did the broom jump at the wedding, and it was really nice because one of the BMs explained the significance of the tradition. And plus it was funny to see the Asian side of the family sit and watch while the other side of the family had a grand ol' time dancing!
@cocolove: that does sound really funny!! I think i will put a blurb in the program about the tasting of the elements... i really love the concept behind it!!
i get what youre saying...
its like, since so many of my family and friends are unmarried black women, they dont get why its such a big deal. i think this is less something intrinsic to our culture and more along the lines of the way things have always gone. black women are less likely to be married or get married. 70% of black children are born outside of marriage.
for me, the issue was really my friends and not my family. more specifically, hubby's friends. relationships were literally severed over our decision to get married. his uncle wrote "i'll be at the next one" on the reply card. seriously. i think for some black men, especially in LA, the notion of marriage is completely taboo. i have a friend that has been living with a guy for years and they have multiple children, but still no marriage. but really, the issue is so much deeper than what i can write of WB. its about black women demanding more and expecting more, and black men having role models and guidance...but i digress...
basically, i feel you...the 'big fantasy wedding' is still not mainstream in many black families...
I have only experienced issues when deciding what to do with my hair (it's natural) and finding a makeup consultant who understood AA skin tones. My FI and I are doing a DW and that didn't go over that well at first b/c I have a HUGE family and they wanted a shindig. After they realized it was what would make us happy they just want a little "viewing party" to look at wedding photos and video.
@crebre80: To answer your question, YES I feel that we do face different cultural challenges. Not only within our families/communities but also in the bridal industry at large.
In response to the overall question about the boards, in general I think that an "extra" or different board is needed to accomodate groups that aren't already addressed by the mainstream. This applies to age but also to sexuality, religion, cultural heritage, etc. It's a shame that we have to keep defending this issue over and over.
Also @crebre80: I'm serious about my plans to step over the broom! I don't want to fall in my heels either. :)
@futuremrsmorgan: EXACTLY what I was asking... I think it is very unexpected for AAs to have more than a passing shindig that is very homegrown. Although there is nothing wrong with that, I'd hate to think that those of us that want more are out of the norm. I honestly think we are very normal. However, most of my family and friends are married, but most didn't do a very extravagant affair. M thinks we can do it all on a 1500 budget in two weeks (yeah not in this lifetime).
@jabride: have you seen the webcams where your guests can view your wedding on line? ustream isn't what i am thinking of, but i believe someone chatted about it in the destination wedding segment.. http://www.ustream.tv/
@mitla: i think wb does a good job to make sure we can all go and discuss our plans with those that have similar ideas etc. i am not saying that anyone that isn't aa has no ideas about our challenges, because i am sure they do. and lmbo about jumping the broom.... thank goodness m doesn't want it either... whew!
@crebre: I agree with you about Weddingbee, I think they do a great job which is why I hang out here all the time. (I was more referring to some of the negative posts I was reading.)
I also like the nature of the boards; everyone can see everything, so it's not like each separate group is posting off by themselves in a corner (which makes it even more valuable, imo)... I like it that everyone is free to comment on things or learn from different things, etc.
Your FH thinks you can do a whole wedding in two weeks on $1500? ?!
Well one challenge that I feel that I may face is finding natural hair styles to wear on my wedding day. I don't see too many hair styles for natural brides so I may have to make something up.
@Diva...we looked into that but I vetoed it b/c neither of our parents are computer savvy and we didn't want anybody seeing/commenting on our wedding without them seeing it first. It will literally be my fiance and myself attending our wedding =) The parents are fine with it...they understand our reasons...but I think they would be hurt if ANYBODY saw the ceremony before them.
You would think since it was the two of us it would be cheaper...according to my fiance who is planning the whole thing...not so much. He told me I BETTER be overwhelmed so I am thinking he went all out.
@trugem...I decided to get micros for my wedding to make it easier for me to style.
@mitla: remember i'm not engaged yet, still blissfully (yeah right) in waiting... and yeah i know exactly the posts you were reading... whateva (said in my brooklyn girl accent)... and yes m thinks everything can be done in two weeks on 1500. i am pretty sure he's trying to screw with my head though.. he's been very well dumb lately for lack of a better term and i think he's trying to throw me off or something.
@truegem: i wear a perm, but if i didn't, i'd definitely be tryin to rock jill scott's hair, i love her afro!!
@jabride: could you do a viewing party like at your church or something like that? i remember you saying that your fi's dad was a pastor, maybe someone could hook it up for them and then you could have like punch and a small cake there for those that were viewing? it's actually an option i may look into because most of my tn family won't be able to make it to la.. which in turns saves me moolah... it's so cute that he is planning the entire thing!! ummm i am a control freak and would go insnae.
@Diva...it's been interesting having him plan but he has excellent tastes and he REALLY wanted to do this for me...so I let him. I want to shake the details out of him sometimes but he would be absolutely crushed if I found anything out. He told my younger sister all of the details and she hasn't told me a peep...she just said that I was going to cry. I actually went through the entire wedding planning process when my fiance's stomach cancer came back...so he figured it was his turn to plan.
His parents are having a dinner for us after we come back and they want to show off the video and wedding photos then. I have a feeling this "dinner" will probably be more like a wedding reception but since our parents are being so understanding about us wanting our wedding to be the two of us, we are going along with whatever they want to do.
@jabride: sorry to hear about his stomach cancer ((HUGS)) yeah defintiely let him have it, it's what next month?! i think the dinner will be awesome!! have you chosen your dress yet?!
We are leaving for Jamaica on December 18th and I can't wait!! It's been hard to save that vacation b/c I sorely needed one earlier this year =)
I picked out my dress and jewelry...and I didn't tell him what they were b/c dagnabbit...that's the only thing I know...LOL...so he will have one thing he doesn't know about our wedding day. Oh...and I also picked out his ring w/o his input. So those will be his wedding day suprises.
IMG00117.jpg (139.1 KB, 84 downloads) 2 years old Davids_Bridal_-_My_Dress.jpg (20.2 KB, 96 downloads) 2 years old
eeee your jewelry and dress are so pretty!! now you know we want to see a pic of YOU in your dress!! lol!!! have you posted in the you versus the model thread?
It was a rough time for a while with the cancer. My FI was a trooper though. I am SO proud of him and the way that he handled himself. We both kind of shut out everybody except for our immediate family unit (us and the kids)...and sheltered the kids from the worst of it. It brought us closer together though and we came face to face with the very real possibility that he would die. It makes us so much more grateful now though. We both feel like if we can survive that and come out on the other side stronger and better than ever....we can make our marriage work.
I haven't posted there yet...I pick my dress up next Thursday and I will post some pictures then. I am ready to have my dress safely in MY closet...LOL. As a plus-sized bride I was ecstatic to find something that accentuated the positive while smothing over the not so positive =)
@jabride: girl, I am plus sized too, but ummm i will rock my curves!!! i loved when star jones married al reynolds... i cannot wait to see you in the dress, i am sure you are stunning!! are you getting like uber excited?
Excited doesn't even describe it. My FI's best friend gave me a hint abt the resort we will be staying at. I am pretty sure we will be staying at Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios...I am trying not to get my hopes up though but I really, really hope that's where we will be staying. We were supposed to go a year ago but his oncologist vetoed that trip with the quickness =) A little less than 7 weeks and we will be on our way...yippeeee!!!
I'm not AA but my FI is, and I have found that at least in his family, there is a higher standard for weddings than in my family. His sisters both had very grand, formal, traditional weddings and my FI was reluctant at first to sign on to a less formal wedding. While there are unmarried couples / single mothers in his family, the weddings that have taken in place in his family have been big "to-do's", which is intimidating! I don't know if its a cultural thing or just his family but I thought I'd see if this is true for anyone else.
@danielle....it is like that in my family but that was too much for me =) I think it's cultural in that most AA tend to treat any event as a "family reunion" of sorts so the guest lists tend to be ginormous and you end up having to uphold the family honor by showing your family a good time.....and how good you have it...LOL. If you have never watched any of Tyler Perry's movies...you and the FI ,ay need to have a movie night and watch "Madea's Family Reunion"...of course a lot is exaggerated but the basic premise is true.
I can't say that I have personally experienced any challenges as an A/A bride, but I definitely feel what you are saying and know friends who have gone through it. Come to think of it- One thing I definitely have noticed is that the idea of parents paying for the whole wedding doesn't seem to be the norm in A/A culture. Not sure if I am generalizing on this, but I know my parents are helping (yay), but not picking up the whole thing. Good post...its nice to see some posts on this board :-)
It would be nice to see more A/A blogging brides too.
@CREBRE: I plan on rocking a natural hair style, but I want a updo. I just started going to a natural hair salon so they may have some suggestions for me. I may rock the Jill Scott fro in the engagement pics though!
@danielle I honestly think that just as in any culture, it honestly depends on the family. I'm with jamaicabride. I already know that our wedding is going to be like a family reunion at least for my side. My family has high standards, and even though they're all spread out, they use weddings and funerals as excuses to get everyone together. We're not expecting many regrets from my side, AND we know they expect to be treated to a stylish and good time.
I totally agree with the family reunion statement!! I remember years ago when I was engaged to my ex my grandmom saying, you need to invite your aunt x y z.... ummm grandma i can't afford that, oh they'll bring gifts you need to invite as many people as you can... well honey who's going to pay for it lol... and that's when i get the oh your aunt and i can do this, and you can use these flowers from dollar tree (nothing is wrong with that, but if i wasn't inviting 20,000 people i could use fresh florals) etc...
@msmojito: yeah i definitely don't think it's the norm to pay for everything. my stepdad paid a portion of both of my stepsister's weddings and i'm sure that my mom or stepdad will pay a portion of mine or at least for the dress, however i don't think they'll say, here's 20,000 go have fun with it....
btw, i have a blog!! do any of you? it's www.mochafrugalista.blogspot.com
@true gem: are you thinking of maybe a great afro puff? or something a la thelma in good times?
loving ledisi's hair too
I haven't noticed any differences. I haven't had any issues with family (mines or his) as far as planning because I am that person in the family and I'm very head strong with an uncanny ability to say "o hell naw". Lol.
I speak my mind....this is my day ans while I respect other ppls opinions, ultimately what i say goes.
@msmonicka: lol i feel you! i don't think i'll have any problems whenever i plan my wedding because well, um it's all about M, the kids and I, you know?
@Ms. Mojito. I agree it would be nice to see some more AA brides blogging for Weddingbee!
@mouse: ohhh i didn't realize you meant blogging in the bee section (DUH!) definitely apply!!! do you have a blog yet?
@crebre: I am watching Good Times now lol!
I haven't decided yet, it will depend on my dress and my vision for that day. Thanks for the ideas.
@trugem: no biggie!! do you have any ideas of your vision yet? i bet your hair will be gorgeous though...
@trugem...I posted some additional natural hair pics in the "natural hair" topic in this board.
@jabride: i followed your lead and posted more natural pix as well...
@crebre: not yet because I am not exactly sure which look I want to go for.
@jamaicabride: thanks I will check that out
I read Mrs. Swan's Au Natural blog on the site and I liked those. I am thinking about getting twist into a updo because I want to wear a tiara.
I'm not AA, but I think jumping the broom is one of the coolest ceremony traditions and I'm so glad to see people are doing it!!!
How freaking cool is this pic??? Love it! (Ah, poo. It didn't post. But trust me, it was cool!)
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