- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
….my parents relationship really needs to end.
I’ve stated in a couple of my past posts that my parents have had a very rocky relationship. My dad has had so, so many physical health issues and for the last 10 years and my mom has been by his bedside. But my dad has also developed bipolar disorder. For years he would be verbally abusive to my mom, and nearly ruined their finances with his excessive spending. My mom has put up with more than I have know anyone to give to another human being, and my dad just doesn’t respect her for it. After years of this, my mom decided to separate from my dad, which was the day after my wedding.
My dad changed medication, and was doing better. I thought he was ok, and that maybe there might be a way to put our family back together somehow, if only he could give my mom the space to figure things out, compromise, and learn to be a decent husband. Instead, my dad refused to see my mom as an equal part of the relationship and tried to manipulate every situation when they were together. For example, travel is a huge hot button in their relationship. My dad came to France manic – twice – and my mom was at his mercy each time. My mom does not ever want to travel again with him, yet because she has stated he can’t do something, that is all he wants to do because he has control issues. During the holidays, at least once during the conversation he would try to convince my mom to make some travel arrangements (she is going to a conference overseas, and he kept pushing the issue when they were around other people).
After years of being the primary care taker for my dad, my mom went on a 3 week trip to volunteer in a developing country. I think it was one of the best things she could have done for herself. She did tell my dad before she left that she wanted to try to work out their marriage and she was planning on moving back once she got home.
I find out, from my dad, that he has started online dating. I thought it was a one time thing that happened while my mom was on her trip – just dinner and then he would break it off with my mom in person. But I guess this has been going on for a few weeks. My mom found the paperwork for the subscription to the dating sites before she left, and asked him not to do that while they were in marriage counseling trying to work things out. In fact, before she left she set up an appointment with my dad at their house to go over things and spend some time together, and she was waiting for 8 hours because he was on a date with another woman. He swears that nothing has happened besides dinner.
I have full rights to speak with his doctors, and I guess his medications need to be adjusted because he has become more manic the past two months. He is also in the hospital right now with phenomia, because there was construction in their house and the dust got into his lungs and he just has weak immunity. He should be ok in a week, but I just don’t even have it in me to call him to see how he is doing, I’m so hurt by what he is doing to our family. My mom just got back from her trip and found out that he is still online (get this – she asked him why, and he said he already paid for a 3 month commitment to the website…what kind of BS is that?!?!). She still wants to go visit him in the hospital, which I think is a bad idea considering he emotionally cheated on her (at best….).
I’m angry. I am hurt that my mom who has been a saint is being treated so poorly, and anytime she tries to take her life back my dad throws something at her. She didn’t work because my dad has really been a full time job the last 10 years, so she doesn’t have a ton of money to fall back on. It’s just hard to watch your parents fall out of love in their late 50s, and watch them just hurt each other so badly. I’ve told my mom that while it isn’t my place to say anything, she really needs a divorce. She has just been beaten down with everything and been through so much, and my dad is just mentally ill and not capable of being a good husband. It’s just sad, the whole thing is just sad.