Post # 1
My whole venue is going to have to change after FI and I went down to celebrate our engagement with his family, and although we just got engage a couple weeks ago we have been planning the wedding since this summer.
We really wanted a garden wedding, and since his family all own summer houses next door to each other in a ring around a field we figure the field would be the perfect place. We had decided on a marquee tent, booked it and made a ton of plans for decorating it. We wanted to have a really down home feel to the wedding since my new family means a lot to me and his family is so close, thats why we were doing the ceremony in the garden.
BUT when his family found out about the ceremony part…well they just could not see it. They thought it was the worst idea, that it wouldn’t really carry the importance of the ceremony etc. They thought the tent idea was cute (after we made a powerpoint presentation showing them what we meant to do with the marquee haha). I realy hated the idea of having the ceremony somewhere and then carting everyone to a second location. (Just because I have this deep-rooted hate of “excursions” stemming from me being an only child, which I suppose is a story for another day haha.) I was so sad and really felt like they should know me better after 4 years of dating their son and spending time with them, that I have a decent taste level and the whole thing would be..well…tasteful. Nope.
So I started looking into ceremony venues, and it’s less than 6 months away!! A lot of venues are booked, or just not what I am going for. Also, keep in mind we have bought things to decorate the maquee, so I want to be able to still use those things even if we don’t use the marquee. Since we are getting married on an island in Sweden (we both have family there), it gets super complicated going to look at venues. Well I relentlessly Googled and I think I found my dream venue!! They aren’t booked that particular day (by some sort of miracle since pretty much every weekend besides my weekend was!!) I am really falling for this venue, and I should be able to go visit it around Christmas.
For reference I really want the feel of the wedding to be rustic chic, kind of a down home and southern feel. Its going to be small 50-60 people. The look I am going for is the town of Spectre in Big Fish 🙂
What do you guys think? I am really scared to tell his parents about this venue, because I don’t want them to say something negatve that is just their knee jerk reaction. They really are the sweetest people, but maybe not wildly creative. They kind of like a ready made package whereas I see potential. When they see the venue on the day of I know they will love it. How do I get a tougher shell?
Post # 3
To be perfectly honest, I would go with what you really want to do. My in-laws had absolutely no experience at all with garden weddings or weddings during the day (both of which we’re doing), and they took ages to come around to it because it “had never been done before, except by insane radicals.” In the end, we just told them “This is what we’re doing. These are our reasons why…” and they came around (or resigned themselves to our crazy, hippy wedding plans).
Just go with what you want – it sounds as though they have a ‘vision’ of what your wedding should look like, and if it’s very different to yours, they will most likely keep trying to talk you out of it.
Post # 4
@LadyElva: Well it would be in their garden, which makes me feel like I can’t really force them. So now it would be in the garden at the venue I posted with the dinner being in the renovated barn. I am really coming around to this and seeing the upsides, since now we wouldn’t have to pitch the tent and could be able to spend more time on decorating the venue itself instead of constructing it. I just want to be clear that they are now playing more of a guest role than a planning role, since it just hurt my feelings hearing their knee-jerk opinions.
“Just go with what you want – it sounds as though they have a ‘vision’ of what your wedding should look like, and if it’s very different to yours, they will most likely keep trying to talk you out of it.”
This is exactly what it is, his cousin got married two years ago and it was a nice event for them but to me it was soooo not what I wanted. They had a pretty religious ceremony, really cheesy emotional music, and a cliche venue for around here. I mean it worked for them and was super lovely, but for me just felt like it wouldn’t ring true for us at all. Both my FI and I said at the time that we wanted something the polar opposite from that. But of course my FFIL thought that was like the pinnacle of weddings and ours should be a carbon copy of it. I was really dumb and gave several things from their wedding as examples of things I don’t want (which although true, was really unnecessary for me to say to them and I feel really bad for saying it to FIs parents. It’s just at that point I was getting really frustrated).
I guess at this point I have found a venue that in my mind should make everyone happy, I get the rustic feel and a beautiful garden, and they don’t have to have it in their garden. I just want to be able to plan without getting discouraged again.
Post # 5
Are the photos you posted from the venue you are thinking of booking? It looks gorgeous and I can’t imagine they would have anything unkind to say about the place. If so, tell them your dream was to have a quiet garden wedding but that didn’t seem to suit them and this is your other choice. I really love the stone work and exposed beams. Either way – go with what YOU want because it is YOUR day!
Post # 6
I can understand it being difficult having a wedding in their field without their help. I think that venue is gorgeous! If you’re worried that they’re going to rain on your parade, I would probably not say anything to them about it until it’s booked.
Post # 7
@shifterlobster: yeah, that is the venue. I think it is really sweet and there is a lot of potential! I have started to decorate the venue in my mind and can really see us there.
@alwayssunny: thanks! I think that is the way to go, just let some time pass.