After how she acted, what do I do now? (LONG!)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The other girls seem to think that she just wanted attention and was being selfish because the attention was on me, not her, so she created all this drama out of nothing to make everything about her.

This seems accurate
Sorry.  I’d just try to move on and see how she behaves from now on. I don’t think it is worth having a row over.

Post # 4
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissCountryGirl727:  i would give her a chance to explain herself. i do *not* do drama and i have no space for this kind of behavior in my life, but i think even in your shoes i would ask her to dinner and tell her how hurt you are, your concerns about the wedding day, etc. if she makes excuses and continues to act crazy, she gets the axe. i have no time for women like this.

Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Let her explain herself and then offer to help her see things clearly. If she still does not then I wouldn’t waste my time inviting her out again. 

Post # 6
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

To be honest, the thinking everything about was about her is a very highschool/teenaged way to think. Teenagers think they are the center of the universe because their brains are still developing. It sounds to me like Jane has some maturing to do. She most likely did just want attention. I would let things cool down for a bit (if you have the time) and talk to her in about a week or so about behaving at the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Atalanta:  +1 If this is the vibe the other girls got from her, I would have to agree. I also would give her a chance to explain herself, but I wouldn’t make a big deal about it.

Her behavior is just really odd – I can’t believe she left your bachelorette party a day early without even telling you! Maybe something was going on with her husband/fiance or whatever and it was putting her in a mood, but she didn’t want to bring it up in front of everyone? Maybe being anti-social and dismissing herself from the events was her way to deal with it? I don’t know, it is really strange.

Post # 8
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

Sorry to say this but I’d re-think having her as my MOH… or even keeping her as a close friend, at this point!  Her behavior was just really odd & selfish, and it does sound like she just wants attention.  

Post # 9
Member
939 posts
Busy bee

the whole time I was reading your post it reminded me sooo much of my ex best friend! when we would go out alone or with our SO’s everything would be great, but as soon as any of my other friends were around it was drama. they weren;t nice to her, I/they were ignoring her, ect, ect. basically I figured out that she was super jealous when she didn’t have my undivided attention. This would happen when we went out with friends of mine that she has known for years and is very friendly with, everything would get worse if there was alcahol involved. for a long time I put up with it, but when I started dating my fiance shit really hit the fan, because they were really good friends. I think she was super jealous and felt excluded and she pulled some majorly uncool stuff and we are no longer friends because of it, which sucks because I love and miss her. I would reccomend having a serious talk with her about her feelings and telling her how her actions made you feel. with my friend I had a tendancy to just apologize or sweep it under the rug and that didn’t help. Maybe the fact that you are getting married and then seeing you with a bunch of friends she isn’t that close to made her feel like she is loosing you somehow? either way her bahavior was not okay and you should talk to her

Post # 10
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Out of curiousity, how old is Jane? This whole story is a little too reminiscent of high school days for me.

Post # 11
Member
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This story sounds so similar to what happened to one of my friends and her MOH at her bachelorette party. The MOH threw a tempur tantrum b/c she felt like the girls were talking about her, and that the bride was ignoring her, etc. It was ridiculous!

Since she is your friend I would sit her down and talk about it, but like another Bee said, if she is still insistent that everyone was talking about her, leaving her out, etc. you know the truth and I would honestly consider cutting off ties with her. I can’t stand women that act like this! Their poor attitude, and unwillingness to suck it up for a night for a good friend is so selfish. 

Post # 12
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think she wanted more of YOUR attention.  +1 to @Moonbear17:‘s post. 

Post # 14
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

@MissCountryGirl727:  “Jane, my MOH and I walked across the street to the beach store to buy a beach towel”

Oops I read this as Jane was your MOH.  Makes more sense now, thank you!  And I hope things work out!

Post # 15
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What the… this is soooo weird and immature, i would tell her to put her big girl panties. Geez…

Post # 16
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know one person like this, who likes to pay for things without prompting, make herself unavailable to be thanked properly and then brings up “how much I’ve done for you!” and calls everyone ungrateful. I don’t understand it and don’t try. Also, it seems she’s upset with YOU as you’re the only one she treated that funky. But it also seems she’s not mature enough to admit it and so she made up the whole I think everyone is secretly texting behind my back” shtick, 

I would give her ONE opportunity to make this right. I’d call her or talk with her in person and say simply and without fanfare, “your behavior at the bachelorette weekend was unusual” then list 3 or 4 things she did that were out of the ordinary. Then I’d continue, “I know you said you’re not upset, but frankly how you acted makes no sense to me and in case you’re upset with me and simply not saying so for whatever reason, I’d like to give you an opportunity to say whatever may really be on your mind.” If she is as immature as she seems, she will continue to deny that anything is wrong. That said, I’d conclude with “like I said [mention the 4 or 5 things again] was rude and not like you, and IMO not like your usual behavior. But if you say nothing’s wrong, I’ll accept that you were just having an off day. If you have a problem with me, I don’t want it to linger. I want you to tell me about it immediately so we can fix it. I’ll do the same with you.”

Then the next time she behaves like that (and she will), just say “hey, I already told you how I’d like us to handle conflict. I’m not sure why you’re behaving this way, but if you don’t want to talk about it, there’s nothing I can do to solve it. Let me know if you’d like to attend the wedding as a guest or if you’d rather keep your distance for now.”

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