(Closed) After party for non invited friends?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I would not go.  If I wasn’t close enough to the couple to be invited to either the ceremony or the reception, I certainly wouldn’t bother to attend the after party. 

Post # 4
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I think tacky too, and no I wouldnt attend, under any circumstances.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Seems weird to me, but I’ve never seen an after party… most weddings here go until 1 or 2 am! so an afterparty would indeed be a party, lol!

I do find it very rude and tacky when guests are invited to only the dance portion of the reception. Inviting guests only to an after-party seems to be along the same lines… 

 

Post # 6
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

ummmm yeeeaaahhhh – i’ve never heard of that – i’ve heard of an after party -where ALL the guests (or the ones who want to go) from the wedding and reception keep the party going club-hopping or back in the hotel suite – but honestly, if i rec’d an invite for the "after party" but not the wedding and dinner/dance reception, i’d be completely put-off and not even go…

Post # 7
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I”ve heard of guests being invited to the dance portion of the night, but not the dinner before – but never to an after party.

I suppose the only whay this would really work is if you were having a super tiny wedding/reception with only family and such.

But I have to admit ITA with Anti-zilla and I wouldn’t go. You don’t want me at the wedding, but you want me to stay up waiting to show up at a bar for yo after 11 pm for you? Probably not. 

I’ve at least never heard of it happening here in MN, maybe elsewhere. 

Post # 8
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I think its acceptable to invite people to the reception portion of your wedding but not the actual ceremony.  This happens often due to religious restraints (IE Mormon weddings).  Because the reception portion is the part where you actually wine and dine your guests, I believe this is why its socially acceptable to invite a larger portion of your guests to the reception and not ceremony.  But this is a different matter alltogether.

Post # 9
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I probably wouldn’t go.  I do think its okay to invite people to the reception but not the wedding, particularly if you have a very small church or a religeous restriction.

Where I live its also okay to have an open house type of reception a few days or weeks after the actual event, especially if you had space or religeous restrictions.  But that is like a less fancy reception, in the afternoon or evening, and you are expected to wine and dine people and have another cake.

Actually I so don’t get the "after party" for another reason – don’t you want to get to your nice suite with your new husband?  Really, you want to stay out another 3 hours and drink with your friends?  Really?  We are leaving town at the end of the reception and not coming back for two days (just a mini-moon, but still).  A wedding night, you know?

Post # 10
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

We are going out with our friends after the wedding for a few drinks, and were staying in the same hotel as our guests…they came a long way to spend the day with us and I think its nice to spend as much time as you can with those who love you and traveled far and wide to be with you.  We’ll have plenty of time alone on the honeymoon and for the rest of our lives 🙂

Post # 11
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

yeah, I wouldn’t want to go to the afterparty.  But I don’t understand why there would be people that you’d want to not invite to the reception but to an after party? 

Post # 12
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

I agree with most everyone – it would be odd to be invited only to an after party on the same day as all the other wedding stuff. If it were a separate party/reception on another day, that would be different. I mean, I understand guest list issues, and that not everyone can be invited to the main event. But yeah, asking those not invited to stay up and hang out with you at the end of the day would be a bit off-putting.

As for afterparties in general (with guests who were invited to the wedding), I’m all for them! I agree with Penguin – a lot of our family and friends are traveling quite a ways to be there with us, so we want to spend as much time with them as possible. Our venue kicks us out at midnight, so hopefully we will find another venue to party at. Perhaps it is different for couples who are "waiting" till the wedding night, or are just more romantic than we are :), but for us, we’re all about hanging out with everyone as much as possible that night and for the couple of days after. That is one of the reasons we’re only going on a minimoon after the wedding, and postponing a real honeymoon till later.

Post # 13
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

i think this would work if you were having a really small wedding for like family only, say 50 ppl, due to venue restrictions, budget constraints, etc…then i think it’s ok to throw an after party.  If i knew that to be the circumstances of your wedding, then I would def come to the after party.

Post # 14
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i think it’s a little bit tacky, i wouldn’t attend if i were a friend invited to the "afterparty" only.  i would also wonder if this was just a way for the bride and groom to weasel more gifts out of their friends without having to incur the cost of inviting them to the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

This is a No-No in my book, and an easy way to end up with some hurt friends… which is the last thing you’d want on your wedding day.  I’ve never been in this situation as a guest, and doubt I’d go to the after-party, I’d feel like an after thought.

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