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Yeah, etiquette says you do and you prob should as you never know things can change.
@tksjewelry: Does it make any difference that this is a DW in Jamaica in 6 months? In other words, if they don't have the funds/vacation time now, I doubt they will get it together in 6 months.
So far it looks like people think I should still send an invite. Any particular reason why or is it just proper "etiquette"?
@VegasSukie: Yep. Send an invitation because Etiquette rules say so. People generally do not RSVP to a STD, they will get an opportunity to RSVP to your invitaiton.
I would think that because they already RSVP'd no - sending an invite would be weird. Just thinking of it from the invitees end: If I received a STD and RSVP'd no but then got an invite after that I would think that the bride and groom either didn't receive my RSVP or ignored it completely. Don't waste your money!
Of course if they invitee didn't reply at all to the STD - absolutely send the formal invite!
Did they think the STD was the invite? Why did they RSVP to the STD because that usually isnt the case.
@AllRosesandSunshine: I see your point, but people don't and aren't suppose to RSVP to STDs. An STD is not an invitation.
@OP: Just judge it by how well you know the person. Yes it's etiquette to send an invite still, but if I was close to you and told you I couldn't go; I would not want you to waste your money on me.
I think the etiquette rule of sending an invite for every STD assumes that people won't RSVP to STDs because they normally don't. But I don't see any purpose in sending an invite to someone who already told you they won't be able to make it. I just can't see anyone saying "She is so rude, she didn't send an invite after I told her I wasn't coming."
I don't think anyone would be offended if you didn't send an invite after they said no even though proper etiquette says you should. The frugal side of me votes "no" and save money- weddings are expensive enough.
@MissGreen: I was pointing out the fact that someone did in fact reply to a STD. And if they did - why send an invite when you already know their answer.
I wouldn't waste the postage. One of my friends who was actually supposed to be my photographer for my wedding, told me that he wouldn't be able to make it because he was going to another wedding on the same day. I don't plan on sending him a save the date or anything else related to the wedding. The same would apply if I had sent out save the dates and someone told me that they wouldn't be able to make it. I wouldn't bother sending a formal invitation, just to get a 'NO' back in the mail.
I didn't even think of it as being seen as gift graby but yeah now that pp mentions it, it would seem IF you did send an invite it would only be to have them send a gift...but personally I do not see the point in sending an invite if they saw the date and let you know they wouldn't be able to make it...but I really don't get ettiquite. If that is what ettiquite says I guess you should follow it...
@bells: I'm assuming they RSVP'd early because they initially said they were coming and then I guess circumstances changed and they now know they definitely will not be coming.
Like AllRosesandSUnshine said, I would think it would be weird to receive an invitation after I already spoke to the bride/groom after receiving the STD and told them I would not be attending but oh well, I guess "etiquette" knows best.
are these people you know? can't you just call them and ask? maybe i'm making a wrong assumption here, but if they're people you invited to your wedding, you should be somewhat friendly with them. there are certainly ways to ask these types of questions without offending.
for the record, i think all these "etiquette" rules are bs. i agree that there are some things that you "should" do, but i don't think anyone should be boxed in by some rules that are likely from a bygone era.
I'm a fan of common sense over antiquated rules. It might seem a bit like you're harassing them by sending an invite when they've already said they won't be able to make it... I can picture someone thinking "jeez how many times do I say no?!" lol. If I were the guest, I'd also feel guilty about being reminded that I'm not attending.
I wouldn't risk offending them (since you would be the one doing the wrong thing, and wouldn't have an etiquette leg to stand on) over 44 cents.
An STD implies that an invitation will follow. Sending one is the proper thing to do. And things do change, and they may in the end be able to make it, yes even to a DW. I would hate to not invite them and have them think poorly of me in the future to save a buck. (Thousands of bucks maybe worth it, but not for literally under a dollar)
@VegasSukie: etiquette dictates yes you should, but I think its an extremely dumb rule. However, I do think there can be some sort of exception. Example: FI's grandmother cannot attend our DW for health reasons but we still intend to give her an invite so she can have it as a memento and to feel included. FI's aunt refuses to fly (chooses not to but could) but we are still expected to send her one which I find idiotic.
Unless this person is someone your pretty close to, I don't think sending one is necessary, you already got your answer.
My sister actually told me no, longgg story. But I still love her and I am still going to send her an invite! I'm not gonna be the bad guy and defy my Parents like that, so I'll take the high road! But if it's just a friend that said no, I really wouldn't worry about sending one! Especially if it takes more time an effort! : )
Using proper ettiquette in social situations is merely a guideline, not the LAW. If it doesn't make any sense to follow it (and it doesn't under these circumstances), why bother to send an invtation? I'd get more offended at being badgered when I already gave my regrets.
If those who have told you they won't be able to attend have a change of heart in the future, I'm sure they are perfectly capable of contacting you to make arrangements for themselves.
I think it is silly to send an invite if someone has already told you they won't be coming. I too had a DW and after I sent out STDs, if people told me they wouldn't be coming, I didn't send them an invite. The only exceptions to that rule were like a PP said: close older relatives that I knew couldn't come due to health concerns but stil wanted to include them.
I think it also depends on the generation of the guest. My grandmother was invited to her great nephew's wedding (my third cousin, AKA my mom's cousin's son). Due to guest list restrictions, my mom and aunts were not invited. My grandma doesn't really drive anymore, so if my mom and aunts were invited, then she wasn't going to the wedding. But let me tell you, she still wanted that invitation sooooo bad, even though she told her neice long ago she wouldn't come.
But as PPs said, I think if it was a closer friend/family member, and you talked to them, they may not mind.
I wouldn't send it- but that is just me... makes no sense if they already said no.
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So I think I know the answer to this already but I figured I'd ask just to be sure. If someone who received your STD tells you that they already know they cannot attend your wedding, do you still have to send them an actual invitation (which was way more expensive than the STD)?