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We all know how crazy expensive weddings are. Unfortunately DH and I had to pay for everything ourselves because our parents couldn't afford to help. DH made a comment that when we have children, he would like to start two savings. One when they are born to start saving for college. Then when they turn 16 he wants to start a "wedding funds" account so when the time comes, they will have money to put towards a wedding or a house. I thought that was super sweet! Would you put money away for your children for a wedding?
No, I would not. I will gladly put money aside for schooling. In my opinion, when a couple of adults decide to get married, paying for a wedding is their adult responsibility. When the time came, we would give a gift that could be used toward paying for a wedding, but I would not pay for the entire affair.
My plan is very, very similar to your DH's. When they're born, I want to open a savings account for each one. We will request that instead of gifts on Christmas and birthdays, from family members, they contribute to the child's savings account instead. We will also contribute an amount to each account every month, too.
My dad had a lot of stocks and bonds set up to pay for my college/first car/wedding. He got really bad into drugs and spent all of that on himself. I never saw a cent of the money, after years of him promising it to me and ensuring everything would be taken care of.
So, I definitely plan to make sure my kids are taken care of... and if my son (if I have one) gets married, we will also have money saved to contribute to his wedding, as well. I don't feel that only the bride's family should be responsible.
If I had enough money to put away from school, and money left over, i would put it into a savings account for a future wedding. However, I would not tell her that.
@Tswife4ever: I would definitely consider saving money for college and wedding early on, as my parents weren't able to help with either.
@Tswife4ever: No, I would not save for my child's wedding. I will likely send my child to private school, help with the undergrad college education and expenses if the grades/major are acceptable. Its not about the money to me, its about accountability. I will give my child all the tools I can for them to be successful in life, then he/she will be cut off and pushed out of the nest. If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay your own bills. I may pay for the wedding dress or the honeymoon and thats it.
I think I would if I could/had the resources, but in a specific order like my parents. My mom and dad saved up for an education fund for my sister and I first, then they both set aside a set amount to help us buy a car out of school and finally set aside a set amount as an "engagement gift". The money isn't a wedding fund, per se, but can be used for anything. My FI and I will likely spend half or so on our wedding, but a large portion will go to a downpayment on a house.
Yes, I would. I grew up fairly traditionally. My parents are paying for the wedding, because they see it as their responsibility. I'm helping because I want their money to go as far as it can. I will put most of my saving effort into schooling, of course, but I would like to put a little extra into my own account with the purpose of being able to at least pay for a small, simple wedding for her. No, I won't tell her about it, but I will not expect her to pay for it all on her own, and will *not* expect her fiance or his family to contribute (my FMIL is contributing a little, but she volunteered, and we very gratefully accepted), and she will probably grow up knowing that. It's just how I was raised, and I like to keep to tradition.
The money would be a gift, so if it doesn't get used for the wedding (she elopes or wants to pay on her own), they will get some to help with their house or to buy some furniture.
No way, mostly because I'll probably never afford to- and I know I had to pay for my wedding on my own. On the same token, I may not totally save for their schooling because I had to pay for college on my own as well, and it gave me ownership of my own life decisions. However, I hope that I will at least contribute to my daughter's wedding- I just don't want to set aside a special fund for it...
I don't know yet, but I can imagine us setting up a savings for our child to use for education, a down payment on a home, or a wedding. Just a nice little nest egg they could use if need be. Not everyone wants to get married, and not everyone wants to go to college.
No, we are paying for it ourselves with no problem, its not important to me to fund their party :)
(Not having kids but if I were)
A year or so ago I would have said no. But now that things have changed, and the future is so uncertain, honestly nothing would give me greater joy than to see my daughter grow up, fall in love, get married and have children of her own. I hope and pray every day that she will have a happy life and maybe someday a family of her own. So yes. If she ever gets married I will throw her the biggest party I can possibly afford.
Definitely. My parents saw it as their responsibility to put me through private school, college and pay for my wedding. I consider it a responsibility to do the same for my children. If I decide to bring a child in to this world, it's my responsibility to ensure that he or she has the best education and I want to host a celebration in honor of his or her transition in to starting a family of his or her own.
No.
I would save for their post-secondary education if I ever had a child (not in the plans, however), because that is a necessity.
An elaborate wedding, however, is not a necessity (impo).
We have three boys, so this would be a non-issue for us but after our wedding debacle, DH and I have talked alot about this. We have college covered for the two that will go and we have decided that we will offer each of them a set amount and they may do with it what they chose. Of course that would be seperate from covering the cost of the rehersal dinner, and that would also have spending limits on it.
I defin. plan on saving for my child's education to help him/her but as for the wedding when the time comes I'll help as much as I can. Our parents are helping us and every little bit counts. If I can afford to give 10,000 great if I can afford 1,000 well that's all I can give. But I would be like to contribute something
No. We are going to try to make sure we save on a regular basis and I hope that we will have money to put towards the wedding of any child we may have, but not specifically for a daughter and under very few circumstances would I say that we'd shoulder the entire cost.
We've had to work hard to save for our wedding and I feel that it has been a good lesson for us. I'd like to pass on that lesson to our children.
Nope. My extra money is going towards my retirement account. With Social Security and other entitlement programs in a state of flux, I'm not taking any chances. I don't want my children to throw me in a busted nursing home because there wasn't enough money for a nice place to live when I'm old and grey.
Unless i"m filthy stinking rich and can afford to pay for their wedding, that's a different story.
No. For school, yes. For a wedding, if I have cash to spare, then yes.. But I won't hinder my life or retirement plan for a wedding just as I did not allow our wedding to hinder ours either.
No, I wouldn't save for a wedding. I would for an education, because I consider it necessary.
DH and I had a small wedding that we paid for ourselves. Our hypothetical future daughter can pay for her own small (or large) wedding.
No. I'm of the mindset marriage is an adult decision and as an adult you should pay for the wedding style of your choice. DH and I chose to forgo the expensive wedding bc we wanted a house but if we chose otherwise we would have paid for it. Now I would consider paying for her dress as a gift if she wanted or put that money as their gift.
My girls are 23, 21 and 20. All 3 are in college now totally on grants and scholarships. I can not afford to pay for their schooling and I certainly can not afford to pay for weddings. I am planning my wedding now, and FI and I are paying for it ourselves. My first wedding to the girls dad we paid for on our own as well. My first wedding was $1000 total including honeymoon. This one will be less than $3000. 2 of my girls are living with their boyfriends now. My 23 yo and her bf have been together for almost 4 years and live at her dad's. She has just finished her first semester towards her bachelor degree after taking a year off. Youngest lives there as well, and working toward her AA. My 21 lives with her boyfriend of 5 years at his parents home 2 states away, is doing very well in school and almost finished with her bachelor degree.
I am not worried about them as far as education and jobs go right now, as all 3 have great jobs now, doing what they love. As do the boyfriends.
At this point, they have more in the bank than I do, and would be able to afford their weddings with very little assistance from me. Old enough to be married, and deal with the responsibility they can pay for it themselves.
The thought had crossed my mind, and I would have to give it more consideration down the road, but I would say no right now. Education, for sure, but not paying for the wedding. Someone mentioned saving for their own retirement and that is definitely important. My own parents wanted to contribute to our wedding (they insisted on paying for the catering, and I got an awesome deal which I am glad for because I don't want them spending all kinds of money) so I would like to do something like that.
Yes, I would try to. Even if what we saved couldnt pay for everything, I would want to save a good amount to contribute to my daughters (or even sons if they needed it) wedding. I think everyone deserves to have the wedding of their dreams. I was fortunate to have that and have our parents (my dad and DHs parents) pay for the majority of it. I cant imagine having to pay for a wedding on top of all of the other things you have to pay for, especially when you are just starting out in life.
Nope. I paid for both my weddings myself. I will pay for education, but if they want a wedding they can do it themselves.
I don't know for sure, it depends how my other saving goals (retirement) are funded. In any event, it would only be after saving for schooling. What I do know for sure is that I would treat my children equally and not based on gender stereotypes.
I paid for over 50% of my undergraduate school myself (100% of grad). My parents are paying for about 45% of my wedding (excluding honeymoon and engagement ring).
ETA: If I do, I might be likely to share that money with my kids before marriage for use as they see fit - wedding, house, car... I am getting married 10 years after my sibs and it would have been nice to have had that sum earlier to help me in life.
No, but mostly because that presumes my child will want to get married in the first place. Marriage is a great choice for those who wish to take the step and do it, but it's not for everyone and I am of the mindset that it's not good to force expectations on people. I've seen firsthand how hurtful it can be to grow up in a family where you are pressured to do certain things - go to college, get married, etc. - that may not be in line with what YOU want for your life.
We do plan on putting together a college fund for each of our children, and when the time came I would be more than willing to help fund part of our child's wedding (if he/she wants help), but I won't be saving specifically for it.
No, I definitely wouldn't! While I'd help however much we're able to at the time, I wouldn't set aside anything special for it. I would hope my daughter would be a practical bride, not blow huge amounts of $$$$ on a single day. I'd much rather her spend money on a long honeymoon, a house, or grad school, than something like a swank wedding reception.
Nope. I think when two people decide to get married it is their financial responsibility to pay for it. I will likely give a cash gift for the wedding. I would rather my money go toward something they can use in their life together than taking my money and being able to buy fancier chairs. I think they would appreciate it more in the long run.
I don't think I would save specifically for my child's potential future wedding (though I am 100% going to do so for college), but by the time they are old enough to be thinking about marriage seriously, I hope to have a good chunk of savings set aside, and I definitely want us to be able to contribute. Yes, weddings are adult decisions, and I want my future children to be stable when they embark on that journey, but even modest weddings are pricey, and even a little parental assistance can make all the difference.
No, I am not going to save for my future children's weddings. I will however, help out when the time comes. So maybe pay for the venue or rehearsal dinner or something.
I would like to. Not just for my daughters, but for my sons as well. (I have neither yet, but I hope to.) I wouldn't pay for the whole thing, just a set amount. Whatever it is I could afford and they would have to figure out the rest. I will say the first time my parents paid for the whole thing and this time we're paying and I definitely appriciate it more this time.
That being said, education comes first and any wedding money would come after that. But then, Ive always paid for my own education as well. It all depends on what I'm able to give at the time. I would not go into debt for either thing.
I would definitely do what ever I could to save for their education. However, their wedding, I have other feelings about. We paid for our own wedding and learned so much about each other, our relationship, our families, compromise, etc. We grew as a couple and were much more confident saying "I do" because of that experience. I would prefer to give a large gift or pay for one or two items (i.e. flowers and dress).
I would save for her education but not for a wedding. An education is something she can use for her entire life but a wedding is just one day. Even though I'm engaged and want to have a nice wedding, I'm very realistic about how important the actual wedding day is in the grand scheme of things. I don't think weddings have to be extravagent to be meaningful and I would tell my daughter the same thing.
Nope. I'd feel some major guilt if I asked my parents to use any savings for a wedding, even if it was specifically set aside for it.I am grateful that I was born with this guilt because I've met many brides or soon to be brides who fully expect 100% parental financial assistance. I find this behavior to be a bit unnerving as I would expct that if you are old enough and mature enough to make the decision to get married, you would also be old and mature enough to understand what 5, 10, 15, 20K would mean to a person.
I'm not saying that people who do get financial help are bad. I just think it's rude to expect it. So no, I dont want to raise a daughter to have the same expectations.
I will, however, set aside money for my daughter's dress or son's suit/tux.
We plan on contributing to an education fund (but not all of it). Likely enough for the first two years.
As for wedding fund, we'll probably contribute on a pricey item, but again, will not be all of it.
We don't believe in raising our kids with things handed to them on a platter. Enough to get a good start, but they'll have to work for the things they want.
The above will be applicable to any child regardless of sex.
I personally don't value having a big, expensive wedding and am not having one myself so I'm not going out of the way to save for my potential daughter(s) wedding. If I have money to spare, I will give them a generous gift but i'd rather give it for a car or house than a wedding.
But I definitely value financial independence and I would be almost embarassed to have my parents give me a huge chunk of money. Like many other posters, I don't think you're old enough to get married until you can afford an independent married life, including paying for your own wedding and honeymoon.
If we’re in a position to save/contribute then we certainly will. The more I think about it, the more I like what my grandparents did for my mom and then what my mom did for me. My mom gave us a set amount of money which was to pay for the reception. My grandparents did the same for her when she got married. I can’t see myself (well and DH) paying for our hypothetical daughters whole wedding since we all know how crazy those can get but I do think that covering the reception (which in most cases is the biggest chunk of the budget anyway) is more than enough. If my kid is old enough to get married then she and her fiancé are old enough to foot the bill for the extras that they may want. Now, if we happen to be rolling in it by the time this rolls around I may feel differently and offer to cover the whole thing.
I'm planning on instilling the value of how romantic a Vegas wedding is to my daughter from birth. That's what my parents did to me. My grandparents and parents were both married there. It didn't work on me, but maybe I'll have better luck with my child. I'm very persuasive. :)
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