IMO… it is ALL ABOUT being on the same page.
Sometimes that happens early… sometimes late.
Unfortunately you can’t predict WHEN the other person… and you will be on the same page.
What I do think is silly is how many Girls spend endless time wishing & hoping… praying that it will happen.
Afraid that IF they make mention of the M-Word they will scare the guy off…
Altho to be sure that might happen… it is LIFE
YOUR LIFE… and ONLY YOU are in charge of it
I think too many women (particularly young women) GIVE AWAY too much of their lives to other people to make decisions on instead of them making them on their own
Putting themselves too often in a REACTIONARY mode rather than a PRO-ACTION mode.
(Witness FaceBook and all the DRAMA it seems to cause in friendships, Wedding Planning etc … simple solution… get to H#LL off FB)
Same with relationships…
The most important thing a woman can do is KNOW HER OWN MIND
KNOW exactly what it is she wants out of life… and the “road map” she needs to get there
And that isn’t just a romantic relationship with ONE particular man (the one she is currently dating)… but her more extensive overall LIFE PLAN
A list of what are her priorities and WHEN she’d like to see them happen:
Example… Finish School – Get a Job – Move in Together / Get Engaged – Plan a Wedding – Get Married – Honeymoon – Get a Better Job – Buy a House etc.
Then she needs to share that LIFE PLAN with her man… and see what he has to say in reply.
That will tell her everything.
Whether he is ready to make such plans himself, or just content to let things be.
Whatever the outcome… SHE WILL KNOW
KNOW what his position on the matter is. WHERE his head & heart are at.
Then it is up to her… she needs to not put her LIFE PLAN (Dreams) aside… she needs to keep moving on-track
He is either gonna be with her or not… or she’ll be holding herself from all that she could be
(and that is sad… IMO no woman should do that)
She doesn’t need to give a guy an ULTIMATUM or issue any THREATS
She KNOWS the landscape… she / he is either on-board or she / he isn’t.
Honestly, some of the posts on the WAITING BOARD break my heart… too many women giving away soo much of themselves (youth, beauty, years) to guys that clearly DON’T DESERVE it.
If it isn’t working out… holding you back.. or breaking your heart… you are with the wrong guy IMO
Love shouldn’t look like that EVER
These are lessons I learned the hard way… thru my Dating Years and being Married to the WRONG PERSON.
I had it all wrong… I was spending too much of ME on someone else… BIG MISTAKE
You can’t one day wake up and get those years back… they are gone. DON’T WASTE THEM ON SOMEONE WHO DOESN”T APPRECIATE THEM
That’s it, that’s all.
— — —
EDIT TO ADD:
For the record…
This time round…
Mr TTR and I are Encores. We had no concept of ever marrying again when we first started dating having been severely burned by our past relationships (each of us having been married in the 20 to 25 year range)
We were quite content with our Dating Life. And we dated for over 5 years with no mention of marriage. And we probably would have dated forever… quite happily.
BUT then things changed for me… it had to do with some family issues, and us having lost a good friend at a fairly early age to a serious illness.
I came to realize that life was short… and Marriage was indeed IMPORTANT FOR ME. So it was back on table. I told Mr TTR my concerns… laid it all out. And told him my LIFE PLAN (that was Fall 2011)
He pretty clearly then knew that I wanted to be married within the year (end of 2012). And so he took it to heart… while I went along with my merry life, not too worried on what he would do or not do. (Altho to be fair, there were times I’d kid him about it… but I NEVER pushed him for the Proposal / Engagement)
I stopped fretting about it out loud… and kept it to myself (aka similar to Mr Bee’s Plan or the Shut Up Pact)
And it worked… Engagement at Easter, April 2012. And a Wedding over the Christmas Holidays.
We’ve been married several months now and couldn’t be happier… but at the same time there is a lot of stuff that just feels the same / right… because it wasn’t a huge drama / trauma to us this GETTING MARRIED… because it was all part of a long range LIFE PLAN… one that WE CHOSE TO SHARE IN TOGETHER
PS… WHAT IF he had not proposed ??
Well from that moment on it would have been MY CHOICE… MY LIFE CHOICE.
We could have continued Dating (maybe forever*).
OR I could have decided that I was cheating myself out of something I really wanted (Marriage) and so left him to go find that somewhere else.
OR I could have let the relationship run its course, and my frustration would have probably ended it eventually*
*NOTE (On points 1 and 3 above) – IF this had been MY CHOICE, then it would be understood that Marriage was OFF THE TABLE, and that I was expected to not bring it up again. To do so is unfair because by your actions you’ve already gone into pouty mode. IN BOTH of these examples you are in an essence giving up a piece of your life to someone else to control… in that it isn’t your Authentic Self… and you aren’t being TRUE TO YOU…