(Closed) After the proposal – anyone else experienced this?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@wahine777:  you might have or perhaps he meant hypothetically… you dont sound engaged to me.

Post # 4
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would talk to him. Was he just asking you if you wanted to marry him someday or was he proposing?

Post # 5
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@wahine777:  +1 to PPs, I don’t think you’re engaged.  Why don’t you expect a ring with your proposal?  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you mention it in your OP so I’m curious…)

Post # 6
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

yeah, i don’t think you’re engaged. I think he was just having an initial conversation and gauging where you felt the relationship was going. 

Post # 7
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

You need to bring this up to him.  That is not fair to you, he cant just say something like that and then pretend it didnt happen, women are emotional and sensitive creatures.  If he wasnt serious he shouldnt have said that.  This definately deserves a discussion

Post # 8
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Im sorry, I would sit down and talk with him about it, explain how your feeling and see what he says.  As long as your SO is open to talking I dont see why that would hurt, then you may get an answer to everything that is going on.  My FI didnt tell his family for a month, we told all mine and all our friends but he wanted to give it time because of how his family is.  After I explained about how i felt waiting to tell his folks he ended up telling them 2 days later and all is well now.  I hope it works out for you and you are engaged 🙂  Good Luck

Post # 10
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@wahine777:  If he won’t share the news, then I’d say it was a miscommunication and you aren’t really engaged.  You two are clearly discussing it, so I’d have a frank discussion with him.  Ask him specific, to-the-point questions.

For example:  When you said “Will you marry me” the other night, what did you mean?

(And, let him talk – don’t jump in and finish his thoughts.  And, most of all: LISTEN to what he says (even if you don’t like what you are hearing)).

My ex used to propose all the time in a similar fashion – but never got his act together to make it happen for real.  But, I also never thought we were actually engaged when he’d say stuff like that (mostly because I’d tell him it didn’t count until I had a ring on my finger).  And I knew it would be ‘real’ when that would happen.

I’m sure you must feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster – but, the very best thing you can do is to talk to him and find out what he meant and what his intentions are with your relationship.  Most men will tell you these things, if you ask simply and directly.

 

Post # 11
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yup, get him to talk! Ask him what he meant when he asked you that. Ask him if he was proposing or just asking hypothetically. 

Post # 12
Member
7323 posts
Busy Beekeeper

In the OP’s defense, it sounds to me like it WAS a proposal. If he said “would you marry me” — that’s hypothetical. Even “do you want to get married” is not necessarily a proposal. But “will you marry me”…. that is absolutely a proposal. Maybe he didn’t mean to say it out loud, or maybe he’s having second thoughts now, but she can’t be faulted for thinking they’re engaged if that’s what he said. 

OP, I would ask him straight up, “are we engaged?” If he says anything other than “yes” — including not saying anything at all — that would seem to indicate that you’re not engaged, and just to be sure everyone’s on the same page, I would state that clearly to him: “Then we’re not engaged and I’m going to assume you did not mean to ask me to marry you.” How you move on from there is up to you.

Best wishes. Men are so weird.

Post # 13
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Talk to him.  There is a big difference between saying “will you marry me?” and a conversation disussing where you’d like to be in the future.  Asking someone to marry you is typically a proposal, so if he didn’t mean it as one he shouldn’t be suprised that you’re confused.

Post # 14
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve read your other posts and I can’t help but think that he’s jerking you around.  I suggest a long, long talk and maybe even some couples therapy.  It seems like you each want different things in your relationship.

Post # 15
Member
7323 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Man, all these other good answers came up while I was busy typing. I like the PP’s suggestions better than my own. You should ask him what he meant, rather than asking if you’re engaged. Because who knows what “engaged” means to him? Better to ask an open-ended question than box him into a yes/no when that could leave just as many questions.

Post # 16
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with all the comments above!

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