- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
there is way too much my money, not yours in this post for me to be comfortable with if it was me and i applaude you for wanting to deal with it now and not later.
hubby and i have seperate bank accounts but we work together as a team so he is responible for some bills and me the other, there is never split a bill and this is your share, is this something you want to continue forever? what if you have a baby and give up work what happens then money wise?
any money we got as gifts from our wedding did go into my bank account but we discussed and shared what to do with it
yikes.. goodluck because i wouldnt be happy with your FI right now
If you are talking about gifts, I think that you two should have a shared account for them so that you can buy things that you both want! It seems sort of strange that your fiance is saying that they are automatically his to pay back for the wedding. The wedding isn't an investment that you get returns on.
I can kinda see where he's coming from. If he's draining his savings account then it would make sense that Dad's money would reimburse it. (Kind of like a credit card, spend now, pay back later.)
On the other hand, I think you guys should sit down and have a money talk. It sounds like you guys are on pretty different pages.
@akomlo...it depends on which money you are asking about.
If your FI is paying for the wedding now the understanding that your father will be reimbursing a certain portion of the expenses...then hands down...I think that money goes back into your FIs account.
If you are talking about gifts you may receive from your guests then I would say that opening a joint account and putting the money in there...with the caveat that if your FI incurred any debt by paying for the wedding (using credit cards, loans, etc.) then the money should go toward that first...and then the rest into a joint account.
My thinking is that there is no reason for anyone to be in wedding debt when you will be receiving money that can help defray the costs.
Have you had the "show me yours & I'll show you mine" finance talk yet? (Here is my paycheck, bank statement, credit card balances, loans, investments). If he's still recovering from the engagement ring purchase and is looking at fronting a wedding and paying for the honeymoon, his first instinct may simply be to jump at any money that comes your way without giving it much thought.
I'm not entirely sure if you're refering to your dad's money or gifts from guests when you said "the money we get back from our wedding", but I think the first should go to him, the latter to a joint account for the two of you.
I agree with those who have suggested you work through the your money/my money transition sooner than later. If he's already talking in terms of what he's paying for, things will only get more tense as things move forward and the bills grow. I'd be a little put off by his response if I were you, but I think it's also pretty normal for the "our money" transition to take more work than expected.
I think the first thing that should happen with the gift money and your dad's money is to reimburse your FI for the cost of the wedding. You might not understand his perspective, but it is difficult to see all that money leave your checking/savings account. Monetary wedding gifts are a great way to replinish his account. You should allow him to build it back up to what it was before the wedding expenses.
But I do think you need to discuss how you will handle money in the future.
If the intent of the gift is to repay/offset the cost of the wedding, then it should go into the same account from which money to pay for the wedding originally came.
If it's a traditional gift, it is intended for BOTH of you and should be treated as such - do you have a joint account at all? If not, I would suggest splitting the gifts (excluding those specified as being for the cost of the wedding), or considering opening a joint account for expenses that apply to both of you.
i say, if your fi paid for the wedding upfront, and your dad pays for it after, the money from your dad should go to your husband. but it's really both of your money since your married, no?
To answer your question, I agree that whatever your dad contributes to the wedding should go to your FI for paying. I think it's a big expense for him to take on the cost of the wedding by himself.
My vote would be for the gifts to pay off the wedding too. If there is anything left over, then you can think about doing something else with it. Why should he be in the hole for paying so much money? If that doesn't seem fair, try to figure out if you each paid your fair share of the wedding (be it 50/50 or contributing an equal percentage or your paychecks).
I actually think that a little more pooling of funds might make this easier. I don't have an issue with people having some separate accounts. Of course each couple has to figure out what's best for them. But it sounds like the situation you've established might not be working for the pair of you.
It's really hard to work joint gifts and wedding funds with a "my money" "your money" approach. i would talk sincerely about the wisdom of having at least one shared account (even if you keep other separate accounts) to put that money in for use by you both. You both contributed to the wedding, and experienced it together, it makes sense that this "gift" should be shared together.
(unless either of you incur any debt or hardship...that should be taken care of with the money first.)
Really that answer to this questions relies on how you will handle your money for years after you get married, so I wouldhave the "BIG" money talk sooner rather than later!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 20 |
| MsPanda | 15 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
 KimKimmieKim |
8 |
| ladyartichoke | 6 |
| ndreighton | 6 |
| BearcatBetch |
6 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
Me and my fiance each have seperate accounts. We split the bills and pay for everything through our seperate accounts. My dad offered to help pay for our wedding, but not until after the wedding. So my fiance will be paying for the wedding. I suggested that me and him should open a joint account with the money we get back from our wedding. He told me that he is paying for the wedding so he will take that money and put it back into his account. Now Im thinking, does he get my dads offer too? How should I be feeling about this?