After-wedding sex jitters

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@emmajean:  How long have you two been dating? Is your wedding really planned for December of 2015? So you’re planning on going for another two years without ever kissing?

Sorry, I definitely don’t have the same experience as you. Good for you if that’s what works for your relationship though!

Post # 4
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@emmajean:  I haven’t had my wedding night (I am also waiting). We do kiss.

I’d say you don’t HAVE TO HAVE sex that night, just because it is the first one. You could start kissing, start getting comfortable with each other. Take it slow.

Post # 5
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

how old are u, and have u ever been intimate with other people before…or are you guys each others firsts

Post # 6
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@emmajean:  I don’t think you should do everything at once the first night if you haven’t kissed yet.

Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

In all honesty, I will give you the same advice I give anyone about sex. Take it slow, do what feels good, and let it progress naturally. lf you want a sex ed lesson, I suggest looking elsewhere.

Post # 8
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@emmajean:  I agree the other posters… You don’t HAVE to go completely all the way that night. I did not wait for marriage, but DH and I most definitely started off slowly. First kissing, later touching and then had sex after 8 or 9 months. Of course you do not have to move that slowly after you’re married! But I think if you don’t put too much pressure on yourselfs, it will be more fun.

You can even cuddle all night! That might even be a new thing if you haven’t kissed yet. Cuddling all night is glorious and not to be underestimated. You could naked cuddle or wear pyjamas, or just have a shower together and see how things progress. This is supposed to be fun, and the awkwardness will certainly pass.

First time having sex will be a bit strange, and it might hurt a bit, but that will go away after a few times. It gets easier. 🙂

Post # 9
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

P.S. Many couples are too tired (or drunk) to have sex on their wedding night so relax a bit. Once married you’ll have plenty of time to have sex.

Post # 10
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@emmajean:  I agree that you shouldnt feel like you HAVE to have sex on your wedding night, definitely take it slow.  Honestly if you rush into it when you are super uncomfortable you will hate it.  The first time you ever have sex is ALWAYS awkward, sometimes painful.  You have the double whammy of having sex for the first time with someone who is also having sex for the first time, so just take your time and have fun with it.  Have you ever kissed anyone before??  That will probably be super awkward too, lol.  

Post # 12
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@emmajean:  We’d done lots of kissing but no sex and no touching of intimate parts.

We changed out of our wedding clothes beforehand (at the reception). This was for practical reasons: we were going on honeymoon immediately,  and I didn’t want to take my wedding dress on honeymoon. (Even more imporantly, his hired tux had to be returned!). The last thing on earth I wanted was to have someone I knew come to our honeymoon suite in the morning to collect our dress and tux; so that is why we changed beforehand.

When we got there, I gave myself a quick wipedown in the bathroom. At that time I also changed into sexier lingerie (you definitely want comfortable for the wedding itself).

If your wedding really is 2 years away I don’t see anything to be gained in going into great detail. Suffice to say, it went nothing like planned but it was still a wonderful night; and we improved quickly in the weeks that followed. One thing I will say is that I did masturbate before my wedding and I think that helped me know how to get to orgasm.

I don’t recommend waiting until the next morning, because whether or not you wait, it won’t be great sex. Sex, like anything else, takes practice.

Especially if you’re waiting because you are Christian, I recommend this site:

Post # 13
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Wow, I don’t blame you for being nervous!  Honestly, your first time is going to be awkward.  Don’t think it’s going to be a romantic, movie fairytale.  Take the time to get to know each other physically and don’t rush things.  You might even want to wait until the next day.  You will probably be exhausted after your wedding, and it might be nice to just kiss, cuddle and fall asleep together.

Post # 14
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with others. Don’t have sex the first night (unless you’re both really feeling it or something). I think it would be ideal to let things progress naturally. Start by kissing the first night and take things slow. Maybe kissing will lead to something more but that doesn’t have to mean sex. I think it would be good to spend time getting used to foreplay and working your way up to sex, even if it’s just over a few days/weeks or even the week of your honeymoon (if you’re having one). 

You both shouldn’t feel pressured to jump straight to sex. The most important thing is to make sure you communicate this to your fiance now, that way he has a heads up incase he had different expectations. You both need to decide what will work for the two of you, together 🙂

My husband and I waited for marriage too, but we had been making out and doing some other “stuff” for a while before the wedding, so sex seemed like a natural step for us the night of our wedding. If we hadn’t done anything else yet I don’t think it would have.

Post # 15
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@emmajean:  Just take it slow 🙂

You will probably be too tired to have sex the night of but when you do just expect the first time to be special but not good. It will pick up after the first try and get better as you slowly learn to be comfy with one another. I would start with kissing and work up to touching one another, nature will take over 😉 

Post # 16
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well I didn’t wait… and I am happy I didn’t

I couldn’t imagine a Honeymoon with all that awkwardness

More so if you guys have done Absolutely ZERO … including kissing

Most of us do our “experimentation” during our Teenage Years

So I was busy kissing boys from 12 to 16… and getting enough practice to know what it was I liked and didn’t like

(People can say what they want… but Kissing is very sexy… and an important part of Sexual Desire IMO)

At 16 I had a regular BF… and he got to second base (boob territory)… No Regrets.

17 and I was in College, and had a long term BF who eventually became “my first” when I turned 18.  We spent months getting cozier… and working our way up to full on sex.

Getting Naked, getting aroused, and having sex IS A BIG DEAL… especially the first time

It was good that we were in no rush and had months to build towards that intimacy… in my experience this is the way that most people do it…

I couldn’t imagine having sex with someone I hadn’t explored sexuality with… let alone see naked… or kissed.

I would be fearful that if one attempts to go from 0 to 60 first time out… that a “wreck” would ensue in the same way that one wouldn’t do that behind the wheel of a car the first time.  (Lol, you need to do a few laps of the parking lot that first day… and find out where all the knobs are buttons are, what they do, and how they work)

And by “wreck” I refer to the fact that I’ve heard many stories where sexual issues have ensued for couples long past the Honeymoon and on into Married Life… things that end up being swept under the rug and not talked about

And sexual difficulties will “eat” at you both… and can set you up for a life long unsatisfying sexual relationship with your Husband

This is precisely WHY a lot of women are non-orgasmic for example !!

I highly agree with @paula1248: on this front… you might not be able to “do” anything in regards of his Sexuality (especially so if you two aren’t experimenting now)… BUT you can most certainly take charge of your own Sexuality, and do some experimenting / self discovery (ie masturbation) on your own so you know how your body works… and what you like etc.  If you can become orgasmic on your own… chances are HIGHER that you’ll be able to achieve orgasm with a partner (And if it doesn’t happen for you… then you need to continue to practice.  Medical info has proven that only a small portion of women are NEVER orgasmic over the course of their lifetime… while approx 20% or more start off non-orgasmic and thru practice can get there.  So it is a case of it is a “muscle” that needs to be exercised to work)

I also encourage you and your Hubby2B to do a TON of reading in regards to human sexuality… a good place to start might be Dr Ruth’s version of “Sex for Dummies” (The Dummies being a well known series of books)

And I wish you luck.

As I said, personally, I’d take it super slow… I’d forget about having sex on the first night… and concentrate on just getting to know each other better over time.  And if that means you don’t consumate your Marriage farther down the road… weeks or even months later… so be it.

Hope this helps,


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