Post # 1
I’ve been married for four months now, I swear I lost all of my friends. I don’t know if it’s me or if I’m in the Twighlight Zone. Let me start off the story with saying that the majority of my friends are single and are in their early to mid thirties. And before the wedding I had to keep reassuring most of them that one day that they will find the right man and have children and the family that they always wanted. Which I believe to be true, but it was constant and I tried my best to be as supportive as I could be. I believed that everything was going well.
So the wedding comes and everything is great, all my friends are there and we have the time of our lives. Then the very next day, I call some of them to thank them for everything that they did for me and with the planning and the Big Day. I get shady responses back or no response at all. I send wedding pictures to them, I get no response back. I call over and over again leave text and voice messages, no response. When I do talk to them, they are always to busy to talk or have to go do something. I don’t know if it something I did, that everyone is treating me this way.
I made it my mission not to be a bridezilla during the whole wedding process. I made sure that I didn’t burden anybody with my wedding problems. The only people that were annoyed with me were my husband and my mother and at this point I don’t know what to do. I’m really feeling bad about the whole situation. I knew most of them since Jr High and High School. What should I do?
Am I going to have to try to make new friends all over again…
Post # 3
@MrsDance51113: Thissdont happen me but it did to a friend. She was part of a small group of friends who all were single except for her. They started tohave less time for her after her wedding and even more after she had kids. Part of it was because they are in a different life stage but part of it was definitely because of jealousy. She just reminds them that they are not there. I was single in my early 30’s so can understand it from their side too. It is very tough. This may be the reason and if it is there’s not much you can do except give them time. I’m wondering, though, since it was so sudden, if there’s anotherreason. Have you asked them? Are they all part of the one group of friends?
Post # 4
@MrsDance51113: This happened with my and my best friend, but she was the one to get married and she was the one to stop communication. I would think that since it’s ALL of them and it was so sudden, there’s something else going on. It could be some small little thing that someone took the wrong way. I’d try to talk with someone you’re closest to and see if you can get some info. Just something simple, but not accusing like, “It seems like we’ve all been kind of distant since the wedding. Is this just normal, or was there something I did that pushed everyone away?”
Post # 5
@phoebephoebo: We were a tight group of friends for a long time, we grew up together , I can’t figure out what I did wrong. I thougt that our relationships were stronger than this. I really can’t imagine it being jealousy, we have been through alot together. I try to call but or pass by, but nobody has time for me anymore.
Post # 6
@MrsDance51113: I’m sorry you are going through this. Especially when you should be at your happiest. Since they are not being receptive to phone calls I’d send them a message that they can’t ignore. Maybe facebook message? You’ll get answers if nothin else.
@taraelisabeth: I agree with your approach.
Post # 7
@MrsDance51113: just chiming in to say I have had a similar experience and I feel your pain!
Most of my single friends have literally fallen off the map. I know in my heart and mind I didn’t do anything wrong…I’m chalking this up to a new shift in lifestyles that has divided our interests. I am hopeful that once we do reconnect socially, it’ll be like no time has elapsed.
one of my best-friends married couples literally announced their separation and intent to divorce like two weeks after our wedding! They spent the entire planning process and wedding with us portraying that everything was wonderful. They later explained that they intentionally withheld their problems until after our wedding as to not spoil anything for us! While I’m grateful…this was equal parts sickening and heartwarming. Now I about can’t even look at them in my wedding photos 🙁 (wife was having an affair….she’s now moved in with the new man and we haven’t even met him, don’t know that we WANT to!)
our remaining friends are scurrying taking sides with our divorcing friends. And me and my new husband have kind of been lost in the mix, keeping low profile and trying to cleave and make our own new marriage. It’s frustrating and sad, but I know Time Will Tell and eventually we’ll either all reconnect in some new shape, or, make new friends from scratch.
I am a strong believer in people being in our lives for “reasons, seasons, lifetimes” and it is sad when you’ve banked on “lifetime” relationships that were maybe only truly meant to be “seasons”
best wishes to you!
edited to add: chances are probable that if you’re really left scratching your head wondering what YOU did wrong, the answer is, NOTHING. People change. Their perceptions and perspectives are out of your control. Try to rest in confidence that youve done nothing wrong, and just leave the door open for a warm welcome whenever and if ever you hear from them again.
Post # 8
Though I’m not married yet (engaged) I’m going through that too! A lot of my friends are single and the others have babies so it’s been hard to be in touch. I think the single friends are having a tough time realizing they’re still single and I’m, well-not. Something like jealousy but something more like them realizing you have what they don’t and it brings up feelings of insecurity. Either that or they’re just being plain weird lol!
Post # 9
it’s really unfortunate that people always need to seperate themselves based on their relationship status-it’s not everything. Just because one woman is single and the other is married, doesn’t mean they are at different stages in their lives. Life stages are so much more than just about relationships.
This isn’t directed at you, OP, but I see so many people on this board talking about how much more mature they are than their single friends or that they’re moving on with their lives, but their friends aren’t because they’re single. It just bothers me.
I hope you figure out what’s going on with your friends and can reconnect with them. Maybe there was something happening during your wedding that upset them and maybe you aren’t aware of it?
Post # 10
Well said. OP I’m going through the same with one of my great friends, she’s been married for 5 years and is expecting a 2nd child. I don’t get it, but another girlfriend and me invite her out every other week. This year she’s only come out once. I’m really over it.
Post # 11
not all single people wish to be NOT SINGLE! news alert!
Post # 12
@MrsDance51113: If this had happened gradually then I would say that “it’s just another stage of life, etc. etc.”. But given that it was the day after the wedding and everyone stopped talking to you pretty much all at once…something is going on here. I have no idea what, but something surely is. Especially if they seemed to have a good time at the actual wedding.
I don’t mean to be rude, but is it possible that you had too much to drink and said something awful?
@billie212: Very true, but in the OP’s case, given that her friends seemed to complain about not having the man and family they wanted, it is safe to assume that all of these particular single friends DID wish to not be single.
Post # 13
MrsDance51113 I’m totally there with you. I’m not married yet, but will be in 6 mos. Since I am a late bloomer and had to live through alot of my girlfriends getting married, I knew what it was like to be the single friend left behind and I HATED it. I eventually had to deal with falling (in priority)behind a husband, then in-laws, then kids came and their activities and then my friends families were now first priority…and IT HURT. It didn’t matter that it was a natural life change it sucked!! I mourned the relationship for a while, then re-categorized our new type of friendship & boundaries and I invested more in single gal friendships where we could do single gal things.I found my balance.
So when FI got together, I was intentional about still dividing my time. There would be NO SINGLE GAL LEFT BEHIND. But balancing my single gals and my new family was exhausting & impossible. There was no way to keep everyone happy, and it felt conflicting. I felt as though I’d betrayed my friends.I think we’d all subconsciously felt we were never getting married and we’d be the single gals 4eva crew. I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I felt when my friends got married.
Then I found myself wanting to discuss relationship stresses, but I couldn’t to my single friends because they were like ” you got a man be grateful or move on”, then I couldn’t complain some of my other friends because they were like ” are you sure you ready” ARRGGGHHH. So my married friends turned out to be the right mix, and understood perfectly… so now 10 years later we’re back in the same page and it’s like we were never apart.
You’ll find your Rhythm with all the people in your life. People change and even if it’s you…it’s ok. I felt so much better when I realized it is NOT ALL ON ME ( or you) to maintain a friendship. Life has changed for the better, and anyone who can’t adjust ( even if it takes a little time) probably isn’t meant to continue with you on the journey anyway.
Post # 15
I would give it some time…
Some things that come to my mind about this situation:
-Wedding gives you A LOT of attention and business, I imagine it can be like a crash when it’s over.
-Your friends could be trying to give you space as a newly married coupled!
-Depending on your circles & friends, sometimes people do back away from married couples because of the stereotype becoming homebodies, not wanting to hang out with singles, etc.
-I also cannot rule out the fact that sometimes in the bustle of being a bride and getting married, it’s a possibiliy YOU alienated some friendships. I’ve seen this time and time again where brides get tunnel vision that their wedding is the only thing going on…and that can put friends off who have things going on in their lives.
Post # 16
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