After Wedding,,,Where did my friends go……

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsDance51113:  Thissdont happen me but it did to a friend. She was part of a small group of friends who all were single except for her. They started tohave less time for her after her wedding and even more after she had kids. Part of it was because they are in a different life stage but part of it was definitely because of jealousy. She just reminds them that they are not there. I was single in my early 30’s so can understand it from their side too. It is very tough. This may be the reason and if it is there’s not much you can do except give them time. I’m wondering, though, since it was so sudden, if there’s anotherreason. Have you asked them? Are they all part of the one group of friends?

Post # 4
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MrsDance51113:  This happened with my and my best friend, but she was the one to get married and she was the one to stop communication. I would think that since it’s ALL of them and it was so sudden, there’s something else going on. It could be some small little thing that someone took the wrong way. I’d try to talk with someone you’re closest to and see if you can get some info. Just something simple, but not accusing like, “It seems like we’ve all been kind of distant since the wedding. Is this just normal, or was there something I did that pushed everyone away?”

 

Post # 6
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsDance51113:  I’m sorry you are going through this. Especially when you should be at your happiest. Since they are not being receptive to phone calls I’d send them a message that they can’t ignore. Maybe facebook message? You’ll get answers if nothin else. 

@taraelisabeth:  I agree with your approach.

Post # 7
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MrsDance51113:  just chiming in to say I have had a similar experience and I feel your pain! 

 

Most of my single friends have literally fallen off the map. I know in my heart and mind I didn’t do anything wrong…I’m chalking this up to a new shift in lifestyles that has divided our interests. I am hopeful that once we do reconnect socially, it’ll be like no time has elapsed. 

 

one of my best-friends married couples literally announced their separation and intent to divorce like two weeks after our wedding! They spent the entire planning process and wedding with us portraying that everything was wonderful. They later explained that they intentionally withheld their problems until after our wedding as to not spoil anything for us! While I’m grateful…this was equal parts sickening and heartwarming. Now I about can’t even look at them in my wedding photos 🙁  (wife was having an affair….she’s now moved in with the new man and we haven’t even met him, don’t know that we WANT to!) 

 

our remaining friends are scurrying taking sides with our divorcing friends. And me and my new husband have kind of been lost in the mix, keeping low profile and trying to cleave and make our own new marriage. It’s frustrating and sad, but I know Time Will Tell and eventually we’ll either all reconnect in some new shape, or, make new friends from scratch. 

 

I am a strong believer in people being in our lives for “reasons, seasons, lifetimes” and it is sad when you’ve banked on “lifetime” relationships that were maybe only truly meant to be “seasons”

 

best wishes to you! 

edited to add: chances are probable that if you’re really left scratching your head wondering what YOU did wrong, the answer is, NOTHING. People change. Their perceptions and perspectives are out of your control. Try to rest in confidence that youve done nothing wrong, and just leave the door open for a warm welcome whenever and if ever you hear from them again. 

 

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Though I’m not married yet (engaged) I’m going through that too! A lot of my friends are single and the others have babies so it’s been hard to be in touch. I think the single friends are having a tough time realizing they’re still single and I’m, well-not. Something like jealousy but something more like them realizing you have what they don’t and it brings up feelings of insecurity. Either that or they’re just being plain weird lol! 

Post # 9
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

it’s really unfortunate that people always need to seperate themselves based on their relationship status-it’s not everything. Just because one woman is single and the other is married, doesn’t mean they are at different stages in their lives. Life stages are so much more than just about relationships.

This isn’t directed at you, OP, but I see so many people on this board talking about how much more mature they are than their single friends or that they’re moving on with their lives, but their friends aren’t because they’re single. It just bothers me.

I hope you figure out what’s going on with your friends and can reconnect with them. Maybe there was something happening during your wedding that upset them and maybe you aren’t aware of it?

Post # 10
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@memo:  

Well said. OP I’m going through the same with one of my great friends, she’s been married for 5 years and is expecting a 2nd child. I don’t get it, but another girlfriend and me invite her out every other week. This year she’s only come out once. I’m really over it.

Post # 11
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

not all single people wish to be NOT SINGLE! news alert!

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MrsDance51113:  If this had happened gradually then I would say that “it’s just another stage of life, etc. etc.”. But given that it was the day after the wedding and everyone stopped talking to you pretty much all at once…something is going on here. I have no idea what, but something surely is. Especially if they seemed to have a good time at the actual wedding. 

I don’t mean to be rude, but is it possible that you had too much to drink and said something awful?

 

@billie212:  Very true, but in the OP’s case, given that her friends seemed to complain about not having the man and family they wanted, it is safe to assume that all of these particular single friends DID wish to not be single. 

Post # 13
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

MrsDance51113  I’m totally there with you. I’m not married yet, but will be in 6 mos. Since I am a late bloomer and had to live through alot of my girlfriends getting married, I knew what it was like to be the single friend left behind  and I HATED it. I eventually had to deal with falling (in priority)behind a husband, then in-laws, then kids came and their activities and then my friends families were now first priority…and IT HURT.  It didn’t matter that it was a natural life change it sucked!! I mourned the relationship for a while, then re-categorized our new type of friendship & boundaries and I invested more in single gal friendships where we could do single gal things.I found my balance.

So when FI got together, I was intentional about still dividing my time. There would be NO SINGLE GAL LEFT BEHIND. But balancing my single gals and my new family  was exhausting & impossible. There was no way to keep everyone happy, and it felt conflicting. I felt as though I’d betrayed my friends.I think we’d all subconsciously felt we were never getting married and we’d be the single gals 4eva crew. I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I felt when my friends got married.

Then I found myself wanting to discuss  relationship stresses, but I couldn’t to my single friends because they were like ” you got a man be grateful or move on”, then I couldn’t complain some of my other friends because they were like ” are you sure you ready” ARRGGGHHH. So my married friends turned out to be the right mix, and understood perfectly… so now 10 years later we’re back in the same page and it’s like we were never apart.

You’ll find your Rhythm with all the people in your life. People change and even if it’s you…it’s ok. I felt so much better when I realized it is NOT ALL ON ME ( or you) to maintain a friendship. Life has changed for the better, and anyone who can’t adjust ( even if it takes a little time) probably isn’t meant to continue with you on the journey anyway.

Post # 15
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would give it some time…

Some things that come to my mind about this situation:

-Wedding gives you A LOT of attention and business, I imagine it can be like a crash when it’s over.

-Your friends could be trying to give you space as a newly married coupled!

-Depending on your circles & friends, sometimes people do back away from married couples because of the stereotype becoming homebodies, not wanting to hang out with singles, etc.

-I also cannot rule out the fact that sometimes in the bustle of being a bride and getting married, it’s a possibiliy YOU alienated some friendships. I’ve seen this time and time again where brides get tunnel vision that their wedding is the only thing going on…and that can put friends off who have things going on in their lives.

Post # 16
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

[comment moderated for sockpuppeting]

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