Post # 1
So I have written a couple of posts about my breakup last weekend and his things are now packed near the door and ready to go 🙂
I’m not completely devastated…I was more disgusted with his behavior following the breakup. I’m doing my own thing (about to head to the gym in about 30 minutes), still studying for my finals and was even hit on last night when I was having ice cream alone (still got it). Buuut…
I’m afraid it’s going to stay that way. 🙁
I am 24 years old and I know the way I’m feeling is normal and somewhat irrational; however, I can’t help being afraid that I will be alone. I feel like it’s going to take me years and years to find someone new and I just…..I cry more over THAT than the “loss” of my “fiance”.
Please share your stories with me of how long it took to meet someone new if you’ve gone through what I’m going through right now, or know someone who has. I’m an outgoing woman who will be officially educated on June 14 (eek!), people find me pretty attractive, I’m stylish…I’m supportive, crafty, a do-it-yourselfer, into fitness, helping the less fortunate…..share your stories, please. I need to know that I will find someone before my ovaries decided they have waited long enough. 😉
Post # 3
Oh my, don’t you worry. You have so much time left and like you said, you’ve still got it! I left my exhusband with a 1 yr old at 23. Talk about wondering what’s out there for you, who wants a relationship with someone who has a baby? No matter how awesome or hot they are? You know what though, it wasn’t nearly as hard or strange as you’d think.
Get yourself out there, go have fun, be YOU. Don’t go looking for someone or something, let it happen. When you’re not trying, is when things fall into place. I had a few relationships afterwards, but then at 26 I met my husband.
Things are amazing, and I couldn’t be happier. There is someone or more than just one person out there for you right now to get you out of a slump and back into loving life. Be single, flirt, have fun. LOVE YOURSELF. Then you will find that man that was the right one for you all along!
It will happen, if I did it with a child in tow, you can certainly find the right one too!
Post # 4
Six months after a bad break up I started dating my now FI.
FI and ex are friends, he and his gf even stayed over last night and the boys have gone motorbike riding today, while she and I are at home. I was heartbroken, but that was over 5 years ago (nearly 6) and now it’s like it never happened, we’re all friends now and it really couldn’t have worked out better. It’s weird even thinking that at some point things were different than they are now. That did happen in highschool though so it’s not really the same as what you are going through, but 24 is still really young. You’ve got plenty of time to find the right guy for you!
ETA- I totally agree with lia! Focus on you, don’t go looking for mr. right, because oddly enough it seems you find the right guy when you’re not looking. Not sure why that is, maybe you give off a more confident vibe, or you’re being more authentic or something?
Post # 5
24 is SO young! your fears are completely understandable, but i have no doubt that when you find the right person you will look back on this and laugh 🙂
Post # 6
thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m just so down and afraid I’m going to be the old cat lady. I’m sure after this breakup, coming home to myself will be nice for a while, but I hope it’s not for too long and I am left lonely
Post # 7
Sweetie, I met the love of my life at 36 after countless heartbreaks. Never give up and never think you are running out of time! Love yourself first and the one for you will find you! Enjoy this time and kudos to you for doing activities you love. Enjoy the flirting and attention you get! I swear I had given up. Literally less than 24 hours later my now husband approached me.
Post # 8
@beb1972: Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m having a hard day today imagining the lonely days ahead, but I feel better knowing the others felt like me and found lasting love. *sigh* I just want this day to be over
Post # 9
@angustia: Oh my sweet, you don’t need to worry at all. 24 is so very young, the best years of your life are before you. As an old lady of just-turned-30, I have to say that I spent way too much of my 20s crying over boys and worrying about the future. Have fun. Travel. Meet new people, learn new skills. See the world and all the wonders it holds. Grow. Make the mistakes you need to with no apologies, without being judged for them. Embrace being single and untethered as an opportunity to discover yourself.
I spent too much of my 20s in and out of long-term relationships and I wish I spent more time alone. I would have made decisons for me, brave and selfish decisions without being swayed by the needs of a boyfriend. I was so eager to commit to a man and settle down, when I didn’t have the faintest idea of who I was. To be perfectly honest, it wasn’t until I broke up with a few boys and moved overseas, terrified and alone, that I truly figured out the kind of person I could be, and wanted to be. No relationship is a waste, as long as you learn from it. With every failed relationship I was more sure about what I wanted in a man, and what I definitely did not want. And when I met my FI, I knew for sure that he was it.
The hurt will be there for a while, as will the fear. But I promise you, it will get better. Every day, it will get a little easier. There will be days that are harder than others. It sounds trite but it IS as they say – time heals all wounds. In this interim period, keep your schedule busy.
You dodged a bullet by not committing to this man for the rest of your life. The universe has better things for you, better people and greater happiness.
Post # 10
Sometimes it can take as long as you were in the relationship with someone, to be fully over them. Sometimes it can happen much faster.
Just keep taking it one moment at a time and don’t worry too much about when it will finally be off your chest. One day you will realize it’s just not weighing you down anymore, and then you will realize that actually, it has been gone for some time!
Heartbreak goes away when you are not focusing on it. So keep your mind and heart full of other things, and eventually it will pack its bags and go!
Oh, and the right guy will come into your life, and probably when you least expect him. Don’t worry about that. He’ll show up. But not one day early…. so no use thinking about that too much either.
Post # 11
@peonyinparis: Thank you. I do feel as though I dodged a serious bullet, just to walk into a dark tunnel with no clue of where it ends. I’m mourning more the loss of a RELATIONSHIP than I mourning the “loss” of my ex-FI. I fear that he will be married in another year as I struggle to find out who I am and who is best for me……and look stupid in the process.
I’m very much looking forward to living alone. I know this is key for self-growth, and am very excited. I already have plans (as do my friends) to enjoy myself and get to know myself all over again. I need to love myself again and find that person who existed before I cooked, cleaned and overall catered to this man. I’m looking to have a similar experience to yours. I would like to get to know myself and around 28/29 meet my forever guy and get married. I just know that what I WANT doesn’t necessarily correspond with the universe and the plan God has for me.
@joya_aspera: I’m waiting for heartbreak to “pack its bags and go”. Love that! I know it might take a while, but I hope it won’t take entirely TOO long. You are right though. No matter how hard I want and wish for something, it won’t come a moment too soon. I’m just so disappointed. Instead of thinking of my graduation coming up in a few months, I am thinking of what has happened and fake excitement in hopes that I will feel it 🙁
Post # 12
@angustia: I was living with my last SO (dating 4.5 years) and we ended it b/c we both knew we just weren’t right for each other. It was so hard b/c we both thought the world of each other and remained very distant friends, we just weren’t in love. I was 25.
I was a mess for the next 2 months. I moved back in with my parents. Cried all the time. Lost a good 15 pounds on an already small frame, and pretty sure everyone knew I was at rock bottom. This was even though it was a “good” breakup (he even helped me pack up my things and we popped a bottle of wine we got on a trip during the process). ANY break up is hard, let yourself feel it so you can eventually move on.
Met my now DH 3 months after the break-up. We were engaged 1.5 years later and married 1 year and a few months after that. I feel like I am the happiest, luckiest woman in the world. I love this man with all my heart and I feel that every time I look at him, seriously.
Keep your chin up, hun. You WILL be ok, You ARE a beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring, strong person and you WILL find the right one for you.
Post # 13
@MadTownGirl: Aside from the ugly things my FI said towards the end of our relationship that I just attribute to being nervous and trying to be firm in his (stupid) decision, he was a good guy who thought the world of me. So I can empathize with that you felt, and knowing you found love not long thereafter, I feel a bit better today. Ironically, I didn’t think anyone would read this thread anymore because it was so old, and this morning I had the, “I’m going to be alone forever” thoughts…and then I read your response.
Thank you for the kind words, sharing your personal experience and encouragement. It means a lot during this time where I feel most rejected.
Post # 14
@angustia: I always wanted to get married young and start a family young. When I broke up with my partner (now ex-FI) after nearly 10 years, I was devestated. I was in my early twenties and convinced I would die alone. I was depressed and at a loss about what to do (the last time I dated, I was 14).
Fast forward and now I’m living with the man I was supposed to be with all along (current FI). I won’t say I didn’t date a lot of special cases before reaching this point, because I did. It took awhile. I was single for 2 years after my ex-FI becasue I wanted to heal and be truly ready. Insert dating some losers and then I met *the one* for me.
You will absolutely find the one for you too. Of that I can guarantee and promise you! Stay strong. You are doing all the right things and you will be better for it. He lost you and he will feel it!
Post # 15
i started dating my FI about 3 months after i broke up with my ex, and i dated at least 4 or 5 guys before that lol. after we broke up, i kind of had a “i’m not going to waste any more time on you” feeling (we had been together 3 years and he had cheated), so i went to every party that i was invited to, every social gathering imaginable. and i dressed my best whenever i went out. and sometimes i got hit on by 2-3 guys at a party. i usually only liked 1, so i’d get a date out of it and see where it goes.
i moved into my own apartment, had a ton of fun living alone, dated as many guys as i wanted to, and then when my FI asked me out, i wasn’t even still thinking about my ex. i do still think of him from time to time of course, but i think dating other people was essential for me to move on.
you have to take some time to be sad, but the best thing for me was just getting out there and dating and realizing how many great people are out there. i had a lot of bad dates, but it did make me realize that my world wasn’t over.
Post # 16
My ex and I were together for over three years when he ended things rather suddenly, and I was really caught off-guard. I was 26 and thought that I was going to be with him forever and like you I had the same worries that I wouldn’t find anyone. After the break-up I decided that my main priority was going to be working on me, so for about five months straight I just focused on making myself happy, doing the things that I loved and enjoyed. I worked out, ate healthy, spent tons of time with friends and family and focused on my career. During that time, I actually got into the best shape I had been in for over 6 years, and I made a huge career move that I probably wouldn’t have if I was still in the same relationship.
About 6 months after my break-up my friends decided that it was time for me to just have some fun looking. They talked me into setting up an on-line profile and we checked out guys online for hours drinking wine and laughing. They even talked me into messaging a couple of them and of course in my giddy slightly drunk state I did. Little did I know that the one guy I found absolutely adorable on there would actually message me back. We spent the next three months emailing and talking on the phone (funny because we only lived 40 minutes away from each other). It turns out he had just gone through a break up not too long along and was just taking it slow getting back into the dating game.
Over three and a half years later we couldn’t be happier together. We bought a home over two years ago and he bought the ring (waiting on the proposal). We have 2 dogs and our own “little family” as he likes to call it.
My advice is take this time to focus on you and what makes you happy, enjoy it, catch up with friends, go out and just do stuff you enjoy. Don’t stress about finding the right person right now because based on my experience they are out there.