Age 28+ First Time Mom's: How hard is it really?!

posted 1 week ago in Babies
  • poll: How difficult were the first 6 months of a new baby?
    Traumatic : (10 votes)
    18 %
    Terrible, but after that was okay : (9 votes)
    16 %
    Physically challenging, but e : (6 votes)
    11 %
    It really wasn't bad, I was just sleepy! : (30 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    998 posts
    Busy bee

    You hear all of the bad stories since people tend to share them, mostly because they are seeking help and advice.

    You don’t hear the ‘easy’ stories, because, well can you imagine the blowback towards someone who says “Oh I had the easiest birth ever and my child slept through the night at 6 weeks, and breastfeeding has been a breeze…..” ??

    a. Nobody would believe them.

    b. Those who didn’t have an easy time would feel like they were being one-upped or demeaned.

     

    So, I say this to you:

    IT WILL ALL BE OKAY!!!! cool

    Post # 3
    Member
    1035 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Agree with katebluestone :   I’m 30 and my first kiddo is 5 months. Really wasn’t bad IMO. You sort of get used to the sleep deprivation after a while.  Helps that my husband is a champ at diaper-changes.  

    Of course it also helps that my little guy is definitely on the easygoing end of the spectrum and at 3 months he already has a fairly good routine and can go to sleep by himself and  only fusses for a physical reason (hungry/dirty/sleepy). I fully recognize it could be so much worse.

    One suggestion from me is, no matter how much your helpers whether that be your husband or mom or someone else, that you fight the urge to jump in and take over and let them muddle it out.  We all learn somehow and if they’re going to be with baby long term then they gotta learn too.  It also helps them bond with baby like nothing else will. Sounds counterintuitive but nothing like a few sleepless nights to make someone love that baby to death. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee

    utgirlie :  It’s a different experience for everyone.  Some women have PPD or PPA, others don’t. Some babies sleep thru the night at 6 weeks and others aren’t until after they’re a year old. Realizing you can’t control anything except your response to the challenges of motherhood is a healthy approach.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it or ashamed if the first year is really hard for you.  The newborn stage is temporary so even if it’s torturous, it won’t last forever. Eventually your baby will be a potty trained kiddo sleeping into until 9am and you won’t need that second or third cup of coffee. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    4030 posts
    Honey bee

    utgirlie :  babies are hard. Breastfeeding is harder. And it is still worth it! I’m 32 and my first child was born 2 weeks ago and I have never been so overwhelmed, teary, anxious, in love and happy all at the same time. I feel like I’m surviving so far because my husband is freaking amazing. Truly. I don’t know how I would have made it through labor and the past 2 weeks without him. Also I am a recovering perfectionist and I have cut myself a LOT of slack.  I forgot to brush my teeth yesterday and it’s fine. Grabbing clothes out of the clean laundry hamper every day instead of folding them is also fine. She was born 2 weeks early and small so we needed to supplement with formula – my visions of EBF out the window. That and the discovery that breastfeeding kind of sucks I have had to pivot and primarily pump to get her breast milk and that is OK. 

    Remember to take care of momma first and be flexible. You can’t help anyone else until you put your own oxygen mask on first!

    Post # 6
    Member
    993 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I looooved this stage (although I haves loved every stage that my 18 month DD has gone through). Breastfeeding was easy. Labour and sleep were not (she got up every 3 hours until 12-13 months) and she never took a bottle so there was very little time away from her but I loved every minute of it! My DH and I did have a couple fights until we got on the same page. Good luck, you are so close!

    Post # 7
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee

    I’m not sure if this will be helpful because the person I’m referring to is on her second child, but she had her first when she was 16 so it was an entirely different …everything. My FSIL is almost 30 and just had her second child. Honestly, she’s so much more prepared for it than she was with her first. Also, she’s in better shape post baby now than she was when she was 16. She just said she learned how to control her cravings and she knew she’d have to be on top of them now that she’s older. This is actually the best I’ve ever seen her look/feel. She’s a little more established and confident with herself so she gets to enjoy the baby rather than worry constantly. I do think age has helped with all of these things.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7138 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have 3 kids and I think the first 12 weeks or so pretty much suck. It’s hard. But it gets better quickly. But there are still sucky days. Like yesterday when my 5.5 month old pooped in her car seat and it leaked out all over everything- herself, clothes, car set padding, me as I’m trying to get her out. That will make even the most levelheaded person panic a little.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6808 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    utgirlie :  Be prepared for anything is my advice.  I had my son at 7 weeks early and never expected to be spending his first month of life in the NICU

    Post # 11
    Member
    2346 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    utgirlie :  I just turned 31 and have a 4 1/2 month old. 

    The best advice I can give you is, prepare for the worst but hope for the best. If you get a difficult baby, oh well, at least you were prepared for it. If your baby is an angel! Then awesome! 

    My baby is a freaking Angel. She’s been sleeping through the night since 2 months old and she only cries when she wants something. She is baby bait. Makes me want another one already!

    Was the beginning hard? Hell yeah! But not any harder than any other woman, older or younger. I had PPD but was able to spot it fast and got help right away. I was in therapy right away and got over it quickly. 

    As far as body image goes…….. I’m no Giselle Bunchen by any means, but I’m under pre pregnancy weight already. Some people loose it faster than others and that’s ok! The human body is incredible. And if it takes longer to go back, that’s ok! It just made a baby! 

    Enjoy the ride!

    Post # 12
    Member
    563 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m sure its hell to have a baby but there must be something good about it because 9/10 times people go on to have another, and sometimes two or three more. Even people that say they were close to suicide, divorce, etc, inevitably go on to try for more. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I’ll be 32 in November & I have an 8 month old. Honestly, it is unbelievably different from person to person! 

    My son is a truly wonderful baby. When he was little he would sleep mostly at night, but wake up at normal times to be fed. He would only cry when he was hungry or in pain. He smiled consistently starting from about 2 days old (people kept telling me it was gas, but it was always in response to stimuli, so I maintain they were real smiles, haha), and is just generally happy and easy going. 

    Still, the first 12 weeks were overwhelming with breastfeeding. In the first 6 weeks, he was basically attached to my nipples 24/7. I’m not exaggerating when I say I only got 5-10 minute breaks most of the time (other than 2hr stretches of sleep at night). The good news? As exhausted as I was, I never resented him or felt unable to keep up. It was such a unique experience to be so needed, and to literally sustain a human with your own body. Did I miss showering routinely every day? Hellllllll yesss. But I knew it wouldn’t last forever!

    It’s a good idea to make that your new mantra: “This won’t last forever.”

    When things are bad, you can reassure yourself it will be over soon… when things are good, you can remind yourself to savour the nuances.

    It’s a crazy adventure – get ready to meet your new best buddy!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    My baby turns 1 in August, and I turn 33 in September.  This has been my favorite year ever.  Pregnancy kind of sucked, in my opinion.  It was uncomfortable at best, and I was always terrified of things going wrong.  Birth was somewhat traumatic due to various circumstances, but I got what I really wanted: a vaginal delivery with all of us healthy in the end.  

    But every moment since we came home from the hospital has been a joy to me, seriously.  I also get way more sleep than ever before.  I know that sounds crazy.  But when I was pregnant and working, I would wake up to pee every hour and have to get up at 5:30am to get to work.  Now I am a SAHM and I get to sleep until 8am, with maybe one interruption at 4am to hand the baby her pacifier back.  My husband is a great dad and helps out tons.  My baby doesn’t cry very often, usually just if she gets overtired.  We have so much fun and it seems like she does something new and adorable every day.  And that is even with the fact that I have been exclusive pumping for almost 11 months now, planning to go until her birthday.  I love walking around with the stroller.  I love hearing her laugh.  I love taking pictures of her doing cute things.  I love seeing my husband as a father.

     I don’t think I had any ppd.  I will say there were a few days in the first week or two when I would be standing in the shower and suddenly feel like crying.  It was this huge wave of relief that we were home and everything was okay, because I was so terrified during the pregnancy and at the hospital, because things kept going dangerously wrong.  But my husband said he felt the same way, and he didnt have any pregnancy hormones, so who knows.

     Regarding body changes, my left boob is significantly bigger than my right boob now.  That is my only annoying body change.  I hope it goes away, but if it doesn’t I don’t really care.  It is kind of amusing.  Maybe I just have a weird sense of humor.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4030 posts
    Honey bee

    utgirlie :  the key for me has been knowing my own limits. Props to the moms who can have a baby on their breast 24/7 and love it. I am not one of them (although I am still trying to nurse when I feel up to it in addition to pumping). Accepting that and prioritizing my mental health is best for everyone. Her due date is tomorrow and I know I was not emotionally prepared for an early kid. I was also left in total shock by a rapid fire labor ( I was the woman who just barely made it to the hospital and was pushing on a gurney as they wheeled me to a delivery room) and it took over a week to process what the hell had happened, stop missing being pregnant, and figure out what our new normal is. Whatever happens for you remember to be kind to yourself. 

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