- 6 years ago
Well, let me start off by saying that I am not yet engaged. I am 18 years old, and my SO is 29. My parents are VERY conservative, and I always assumed I would never get blessing from them if the guy was 3 + years older than me. As it turns out, my wonderful boyfriend is 10 and 1/2 years my senior, and my parents absolutely adore him. We’ve been dating almost 6 months, and I’m sure that seems like a miniscule amount of time for most of the girls on this board…however, I love him dearly and I know he is the one for me. I’ve always been very mature for my age, (my mother likes to joke that I’m her 26 year old in an 18 year old’s body)…so maturity is not the topic here. It isn’t a question of when to get engaged, or how long to wait before marriage. It’s already been discussed; we will get engaged whenever he decides to propose, and from there have a long engagement approximately 2 years or so. Maybe that isn’t such a long engagement according to today’s standards, but anyway.
On to the question:
None of my family/friends mind the age gap between me and SO. In fact, my friends love him as well. No one questioned it much past the 1 month dating mark. My mother got over her (well-deserved and understood) freak out after meeting him the first time. In fact, she called us soulmates that same night. However, there is one little ‘problem’ with our relationship.
We trust each other completely. We’re both seriously commited to each other, and are planning for the future. We do not live together (again with the traditionalist views of my family), but one girl from his past keeps popping up, uninvited.
Now, she is not exactly an ‘ex’, but they were old friends that may or may not have had feelings for one another at some point. She is older than me, at 27, and closer to his age. When my boyfriend and I broke up (for the first and ONLY time because I was being irrational and PMS-y, lol) she offered him ‘solace’…by calling me a whore outright on facebook and suggesting to get tested to ward off any unwanted diseases. However, her grammar and sentence structure lacked much of what I just gave it. I saw this, and got so angry I could hardly stand it. During our 4 day breakup, we never once said a bad thing about the other, and in fact, were really just talking things out, (not really “broken up”). After seeing this, I do not trust this girl, whom I will call A, do not want her in his life, and do not want her to even speak to him.
She called him a few weeks ago (well after 3 months of my honey and I being on solid ground), and said some hurtful things that I cannot forgive. One was “How old is your girlfriend again, 12?” and the other was “Well, can I be flower girl in your wedding…oh wait, isn’t that for little girls? Your girlfriend isn’t going to be flower girl too, is she? She could double, I’m sure.” I was livid, to say the least. I have not once spoken to her myself, and already she has burned any bridge of condolence I would ever offer. My boyfriend is very open and honest with me about it, and always shows me when she texts/calls him, and makes sure I am there if he answers. But I really just wish he would tell her once and for all why I do not like her, and refuse to ‘make nice’. She insinuates that I am a childish little girl, when really, I believe it is HER that is being immature. She needs to back away, realize that he is commited to me now, and leave the talks for platonic things. Am I handling this right or do I need to try and become her ‘friend’?