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When Fi and I first started dating, it was reallyhard for both of us because of our age difference. I am 19 years younger than him....and could never be happier. He's the most thoughtful, caring, loving, generous person I know. He was my best friend before we dated and I never would've thought he'd go for me.
Our relationship was mostly secretive when it began. We weren't sure whether it was a fling or where it would go so we kept to ourselves. After we started...courting?? I guess would be the right word? We introduced each other to our families. His family was amazing. They were all very welcoming and friendly...so was mine, to the naked eye. my parents obviously had issues with him being much older then me, and so they should. If I were a parent, I would have my own concerns. With time, of course, they got to know him as I do and now I'm pretty sure they love him more than me!
My dad, who I thought wanted to kill him the day they met, now plans man-dates with him.... I'm so ecstatic.
Anyone else out there start out rough because of your age difference?
I'm glad it works for you. We're only eight months apart. My husband's grandparents were 20 years apart. My dad's parents were eight years apart.
We didn't start out rough but I wanted to chime in that my dad is 19 years older than my mom and they have been married for almost 39 years.
It's so awesome to hear of other couples that have a great age difference and lasted so long... I can't wait to start the rest of our lives. Thanks Ladies! :)
What a neat story! How did you guys meet?
I actually only have a month and 5 day age difference with my FI! LOL
We worked together and became fast friends... after that, like I said, it was more of a fling, then turned serious. Not the best story but it's our story.... ;)
Cute. My dad and my fiance get along well enough. Dad doesn't socialize very much to be honest. I thought my dad was gonna kill FI when I asked to date him. Maybe I should explain that I was only 17 (matter of fact I'd turned 17 2months before) and my fiance was 21 (turned 22 2months after we went on our first date), plus my dad had just returned from overseas with the army.There is exactly 4yrs 7months and 13 days between us. I adore the age difference because we connected so much better from the begining. I was never one for drama which was what I was seeing from my high school friends. and I really did want something more then just a boyfriend for a month or two. I wanted a man who would respect me and wouldn't create drama in my life. We quickly became best friends and started dating soon after.
It was interesting getting used to dating someone over 21 when I was below 18. Fiance drank before we got together, but stopped almost all together so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable (even though he'd never drink in front of me). We went through many diffrent struggles because of our height differences (I'm below 5ft and he's above 6ft) more so then because of our age. Like one of his friends picked on me, FI set him straight though. And people give us dirty stares because I look about 15.
The FI and I are only 10 days apart! My parents are 6 years apart though... and I actually think that's more normal?
My fiance' is 7 months to the day older :)
@jgoulart that is really cool that your family and friends are so supportive now :) I know of many couples with age differences similar to yours and they are wonderful together as well!
I am almost 9 years older than my husband and was a single parent when we met so I pretty much tried to resist him at first but after we went out on our first date we were inseparable. We have been very happily married over 2 years now and have a wonderful little boy. I will say that him being so much younger than me concerned some family at first but they love him now and they've stopped calling me a cradle robber, lol.
I was 18 when i met Craig...and he was 29 and mum was a bit "he's too old for you!!!" LOL but she grew to love him... well its not that she never liked him but she loves him now. never had problems with his parents :)
I'm 24 next month and he'll be turning 35 in may!
I love him so much!
Age is just a number! and doesn't look older than me... well i don't think so anyway... and he is very young at heart <3
my FI and i are 6 years and 1 week apart, at first it was a big deal because of me being so young, not just to my parents but to us, we met when i was 15 through work and because close friends and started dating when i was 17, we've been together for almost 3 years and now everyone loves him!
For a long time I would only date men who were older than me, but then I met my FI who is 3 years younger. :)
@angee524 = That was one of our initial issues, the whole "cradle robber" comment, but once his fam got to know me, and mine got to know him, that stopped quick. They could see we were meant to be!
@MrsJellybean = I can see how your situation was hard also! I was only 19 when I started dating Fi who was 38 at the time (small heart attack for my dad!) but like I said, once people saw us together, they knew. We are ourselves, no walls up, no hesitations, and we make each other laugh. Its great to hear how your man stuck up for you around his own friends! Thats a hard thing for guys to come across... friends vs. gfriend. LOL
@babypebbles = I know exactly what you mean! My parents were definately hesitant at first... but his family was super supportive. I especially got along with his brothers wife - FSIL C== She's wonderful and got me through some tough times when we had to deal with our age difference. Shes one of my BM's now. LOVE HER!
I'm so glad you started this thread jgoulart. My love is 21 years older. We are just really happy together and the age difference isn't much of an issue.
I also enjoy hearing success stories, so keep 'em coming.
My family is supportive but I know they are concerned. At the end of the day we love each other and take great care of each other (and ourselves) so we try not to worry about it.
@bestforlast == Absolutely agree with your statement of taking care of each other. That's really all that matters in the end. So many people told me not to worry what others thought but it's hard!
we have a 16 year age difference, but luckily my parents have always been supportive, and love him A LOT!!! We had been dating a pretty long time before I brought him home, but that had much more to do with me and not with the age difference.
Glad to hear both families are now so supportive of you guys!
Hey, I'm not the only one! My fiance is 21 years older (except the two months between our birthdays when it's 20). I thought my parents would have issues with it, but they've loved him ever since they first met him. At our wedding in July, I'll be 31, and he'll turn 52 four days after the wedding. Most of the time I don't even remember the age difference. He's just my sweetie. :) I think at the very beginning, he may have thought... why is this young thing (well, not that young, 29) interested in me? - but I think he got used to the idea real quick. We both feel very blessed that we found each other.
@mak418 - My Fi used to ask me that all the time! "When are you gonna get sick of me?" Or he'd say "you'll get tired of me some day...find some young guy..."
Guess I proved him wrong!
@jgoulart... exactly! Meanwhile I'm thinking, hey buddy, I'm not going anywhere.
This thread is making me want to cry. I'm happy to see that you ladies can relate.
Jgoulart and mak418, if you don't mind my asking, are you planning to have kids? Has your FI been married before and does have any kids? I feel like we face a unique set of issues b/c of the age thing.
@bestforlast == OMYGOSH! Yes. It's a totally new issue that new couples don't have to face. My fi and I have talked about it several times. At first he told me NO he doesn't want children but after we got engaged I think he started leaning toward having a family. He know I want kids and I trust in my heart he would NOT have asked me to be his wife if he was totally set on NO. He would do anything for me and if that's what it took to make me happy, he would do it in a minute.
This last week we talked about family in our counseling sessions and I did start to cry. I cried because I realized that when going into a marraige, you have to be willing to do anything for your spouse. I realized that he would have children for me (whether he admits it) and I should be willing to NOT have them for him.
We discussed it with our counselor and in the end, yes, I want children but Fi is still undecided... but it's not because of age. He is scared. He's scared of being responsible for another persons life, not just mine, but our childs. And that freaks him out.
Of course we all face the challenges of having a 60 year old husband while were 40, but also a 60 year old father watching his 18 year old graduate... IF we had children right away... who wants that? I def want a couple years to ourselves.
He's never been married and no kids, he dated and lived with his ex on and off for almost ten years... um... and she's crazy. I know I'm biased but knowing mutual friends... she's a kook. Glad he found me... ;) Hahahaha.
Another thing got me thinking just now, coming from someone who is in the same boat, the question about children and previous weddings definately does not phase me, but do you guys ever get sick of the marriage question?
It seems that is the first thing people think of when they find out how old Fi is "well, has he been married before?" Would they ask that to a young couple? No, so why does it make it appropriate now. If I felt you needed to know that info... I would tell you.
FI and I are 10 days away from being exactly 10 years apart. I know a lot of people questioned our relationship (Is she too young and therefore immature for him? And: Is he some weirdo persuing a young 20-something?), but the people who matter now understand how we feel about one another. I'm a lot more mature than most people my age, so our goals/hopes are right on par with one another. And I couldn't imagine being with anyone but my FI. Age means nothing to me.
And I applaud you, because I can only imagine some of the stuff you must have gone through, having 19 years between you and your FI.
My FI was also uncertain about kids (not because of his age, only because of the lifetime responsibility); our son was a pleasant surprise, and my FI has turned out to be the most amazing father I know. He's already lamenting about how his little boy is growing up too fast (Baby is 1 now) and how much he wants another. I hope that you and your FI decide to take the step, it's wonderful.
Thanks frugal bride... hopefully, he'll either be excited about children or excited if it's an (ahem) "accident" 
... Our pastor explained that there is no other love like holding your baby. No other feeling like that in the world... and I think that opened Fi's eyes. Put it in a new perspective, ya know?
@jgoulart - I'm happy to hear that your FI has had a bit of an eye-opener. It's a really tough decision, but I would hate to hear of anyone (yourself) who wants to have children and passes it up. It's a huge sacrafice (but a necessary one if it's really important to your FI, I understand), and I hope that he has a change of heart. Good luck!!!
My fiance are 18 years apart (he's older).
I didn't bring up the age thing until we were in a serious relationship, and a while before my family was going to meet him. When I told my parents his age, they were definitely suprised, and didn't really know what to think, but they had enough time to process it in their heads before meeting him. They love him now, and have welcomed him into the family with open arms. I think the best thing to do is just to be honest, and understand that people need time to process things like this.
Were only 3 years apart, but I never feel like we are different ages.
No, that's not true. I feel like Im about 11 years older than my FI all the time aka when he is sitting for 2 hours straight playing video games!!!!!!
Wow, some parts of your story remind me so much of my own. Although we had some big issues that nearly destroyed our relationship. But I am happy to say in the end we worked through them together and are now closer then ever.
My partner is 13 years older then me. We have known each other for over seven years. I met him just before he broke up with his ex of ten years, who he was only with for so long because he felt he couldnt leave her and her 5 kids. And no, none of them are his, and they have 3 different fathers between them. And the kids never really respected him. In the end he left because she sat at the pub all day gambling away their money and he couldnt take it anymore.
We became quite close over the course of our friendship. And when i broke up with my ex he was really supportive as a friend, was patient, and listened to me whenever I needed a shoulder. We started dating and "fooling around" in secret just to see how it would go. Then after 8 months or so I fell pregnant to him, which was not planned. He freaked out. He said he had gotten to a point in his life where he figuered he would never have kids of his own, and he liked it that way. Yes his ex had kids, but that was different because they werent his. He told me his only option was an abortion......
We broke up, and didnt talk for months. We couldnt even be in the same room, and I was heart broken. Over time we came back together as friends, mainly for the baby (because I didnt have an abortion). And he ended up being in the delivery room when she was born. He was so attentive, he held my hand, he held my throw up bucket and got everything I demanded.
So yes the beginning was hard, and complicated. I think because he had never been married (or engaged) and suddenly he had a younger woman pregnant, he totally freaked. Also his ex told him I got myself pregnant to manipulate him into marrying me (very untrue). My dad wanted to kill him, my Mum was concerned he would walk out on me and the baby again.
Long story short, after all that, flash forward just over 2 years. We are living together, engaged, so happy and committed and very very close. We are expecting our second child, and he is very very proud!!! He told me he never imagned how much happiness a child, his child, could bring into his life. And she loves him so much and is more daddy's girl then mummy's. My parents love him now and call him son in law to be (very cute).
I think sometimes when our men have held onto their bachelorhood longer, they find it harder to let go of. And some see Kids as losing that last part of freedom. But what my other half found to replace that was a family that loves and supports him, and a little girl that brightens his life everyday.
I'm sure your man will come to see that in his own time in his own way. And in the meantime, enjoy the time together, relax and have fun.
My FI and I are 10 years apart. No issues here. I was 25 when we started dating so it never felt like a differnece.
@bestforlast re:kids
We're not planning to have any... he was married before (for just over 20 years), and has two - 23 year old son who is an officer in the Navy, and his daughter (she'll be 21 in September) who's going to school and splits her time between our house and her mom's apartment half an hour away. (well, when she's not with her boyfriend... :P) They're both pretty awesome - his daughter is even one of my bridesmaids.
I've never had the urge to have kids of my own... (and actually, the topic came up on our first date!), but I've gotten used to the idea of being a stepmom.
I'm so happy to have found this thread... it's really making my day.
Wow! @firie.... Your story really is close to ours! I'm so glad that your little girl is a blessing in your life, it's wonderful that your Fi stuck by your side. The ex, she of course, having three different, um, baby daddy's (?) obviously couldn't handle the fact that he was forming a family of his own.
Congratulations on your second child! I'm glad to hear your success story... now time to make my own!! :o)
My b/f and I are six years apart I'll be 23 this year and he'll be 29 and no had a problem with it.
Wow! Its so nice to hear others with the same story, I was starting to feel all alone. My FI is 20 years older then me, and he is amazing. It stressful sometimes but we want the same things in life and he is the perfect guy for me.
@Angee - Wow! I'm so happy to hear someone with the same story as me! I am 7 years older than my FI and I totally tried to avoid him at first especially since his older sister was my friend. I thought she'd kill me, but she said "just don't come crying to me if someone gets hurt" I also had a son already who was 6...now we have been together for 3 years and have a 17month old son. We actually balance each other out and make a great team :-)
My SO is 8 years older than me. The age difference has never been a problem between us, but for the first six months of our relationship I always felt really shy around his friends, who are all his age, because I was worried that they thought I was immature and stuff like that. I talked to my BF about it, and I said I had nothing to worry about as his friends all liked me, so after that I started to make more of an effort to talk more around them. Now I really enjoy spending time with them and don't feel shy anymore.
My BF was very worried that my parents would disapprove of him because of the age difference, but when he met them they all got along really well, and he now knows that he is 100 % accepted in my family.
I've never really had an age problem. My first BF was maybe 3 months younger than me, then my ex-husband who was 3 years older. Current BF is about 2.5 years older than me, so we could've easily met in high school and all.
But it still made a difference because he had been in his career for over 8 years and I had just gotten out of college when we first dated. I'm still a student (for the next two months hopefully!) so actually getting a career on will probably make me more "mature".
We're two weeks apart. I think that's kind of weird! Most people have more of an age difference.
SO is eight years older. We don't notice the gap. His advice and experience are invaluable to me, and because of hindsight he sees that we are two people who are incredibly similar. As an added bonus, he's well established in his field, which means we'll be married sooner than if I had been dating someone my age. It all just fits together so well. :)
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