Post # 1
My SO is 9 years older than I am and in the past couple of months the topic of marriage has come up fairly frequently. It’s also changed from ‘a’ marriage/wedding/life to ‘ours’. We have some plans/ideas are excited but not setting a date or anything.
While we both have very similar values and goals and are at much the same stage in our lives (though he has a much more stable job) I do feel that his age impacts a little on how long we should wait before starting before starting all of this. I have no objections and am so excited to be with this man but I also feel like he is worried about me missing out on ‘my youth’.
I don’t want people to tell me that I’m too young, and I don’t want people to say that if I’m feeling pressured I should leave because that is not the case. I also realise we need to discuss this subject more, but i am curious: did any other bees with age differences feel anything similar or find that they bumped up or pushed back their timelines a little because of their SO’s age?
Post # 3
My SO is also 9 years older than me. For the most part I don’t see an issue with our age and I rarely even think about it. The only thing that it really affects for us is kids, I know he wants them sooner rather than later because of his age and I totally understand that.
Having said that, I’m almost 30 and I would like to get started soon too. If this was 5 years ago it might have been more of an issue because I definitely wasn’t ready for kids then.
Post # 4
How old are you? My Fiance is 10 years older than me and it’s never been an issue. We met when I was 23 and I’ll be 28 when we get married this year. We wanted to get married at the same time and want to have kids at the same time (in 1-2 years).
Post # 5
@Dogsbody92: Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
Post # 6
I met my SO when I was about to turn 20 and he is 7 years older than I am. I’ll be 25 in a few months. We started talking abstractly about marriage a few years ago and I told him that I wouldn’t want to make that decision until I was 25. Mostly because the beginning of our relationship was quite tumultuous and I didn’t want to make a life changing decision during an emotionally charged time, but also because he had the chance to live his early 20’s without the pressure of a wedding and marriage and I wanted that too. I spent those years living with a roommate, then with him, meeting great people and focusing on my interests and career. We’ve grown so much together and I have changed quite a bit from who I was a few years ago. I feel at peace with who I am and I feel incredibly close to my SO. I’m ready now and I know that we’ll be getting engaged sometime in 2013. I think my SO has been waiting for me to be ready to close this chapter of my life (the chapter in which I am just me and not also a mrs) and honestly, I’ve had to take a few moments of reflection more than once. I appreciate his waiting too because in the grand scheme of things, this period of my life is so short and fleeting and I think I owed it to myself to really enjoy who I am and what I am capable of before I create a family with my partner.
Post # 7
@givemecouture: That’s pretty much how I feel, thank you for sharing! 🙂
I always wanted to have kids fairly young because I found it difficult growing up with older parents. While I definitely do not want to waste my 20s (and that is not what I’m suggesting would happen) or rush in, I have always known that I do not want to wait too long.
“I think my SO has been waiting for me to be ready to close this chapter of my life (the chapter in which I am just me and not also a mrs) and honestly, I’ve had to take a few moments of reflection more than once… I think I owed it to myself to really enjoy who I am and what I am capable of”
Thank you, I’m so glad that someone else has felt that and that your SO waited for you. I know without doubt that mine will too. I think that “me time” is very important too.
Post # 8
At a young age I always felt ready for marriage. I started looking for a life partner long before most other people my age were doing that. I dated guys that were a lot older than me because I figured those were the types of men who would have the same goals as me at the same time, and also would have a more developed maturity. The last guy I dated before meeting my husband was about 7 or 8 years older than me (can’t remember exactly). In the end, all of the guys I was dating that had significant age differences to me were not ready to get married even though they were so much older (and the last one was almost 30). My husband is only three years older than me and he was ready for what I was at the same time. The ex boyfriends that I have that were so much older than me are still not married. In my experience, age is just a number in some cases. People’s maturity and time frames for what they want in life don’t always match up to what is expected for their age. You just have to find the person who is on the same wavelength as you (whether that be much older than you or the same age – or younger!).
By the way, I’m 22 (23 in a few months) and sometimes I do feel like I’m missing out a little bit on my youth. But that doesn’t have much to do with being married as it does with having graduated college earlier than most of my friends and throwing myself rigorously into my career. On top of that, most of my friends live in a different state so my social life is basically nonexistent where I live. If I could manage to have a little more fun I probably wouldn’t feel like I’m wasting my youth, so to speak.
Post # 9
@star_dust: Thank you! That’s such an awesome outlook. I think it’s just because I’ve been studying very hard recently and haven’t had time for much else that I’ve been worrying SO , but I feel like that’s just what happens.
I’ve never really had a big group of friends so being super social and living that way was never something that would be for me and I’m glad to hear that just because you’re married, doesnt mean you’re missing out. 🙂
Post # 10
@Dogsbody92: every situation is different and your post is just a glimpse into your life and so any advise you get here is obviously limited. Mine included!
Yes, in many cases age is just a number and someone’s maturity level is a much better indicator of where they are in life. However, age doesn’t mean nothing either. I’m just going to say this so take it or leave it – I don’t know your age but I’m going to assume maybe early 20s? I would have bet a million bucks that I was ready for marriage with my Fiance at that stage in my life and I’m sure it would have been a lovely wedding and we’d likely still be very happy today. But being closer to 30 now I’m really, really glad we waited. I never gave much thought to ‘my 20s’ then (I thought it was a silly concept, really) but I can see why your SO just wants to wait it out so you can experience everything that comes with that age. It’s just one of those things you don’t see until you’re in that position. It’s also one of those things you don’t get to repeat.
I will be 28 and Fiance will be 29 when we get married. For me, anyway, I’m glad that I’m heading into my 30s being ready for the next chapter of mortgages and babies and all that thrilling domesticated stuff. I’m really glad that I didn’t spent my early 20s needing to worry about it. Had Fiance proposed then I’d have been over the moon but looking back am I ever glad he didn’t!
just my two cents 🙂