Post # 1
ATTN PARENTS OF 3 OR MORE CHILDREN! I hope someone out there can help me! My SO and I have been together for 3.5 years and have a beautiful 7 month old daughter together. Unfortunately for me, I’m already itching to have another one! My partner and I both want a big family, 3 children or more but are having a hard time deciding whether we should have a large family and get by, or sacrifice having a big family in order to be able to afford all we can for our daughter. We’re also unsure about the best age gaps between kids when having more than two. Advice please! Thanks
Post # 3
Coming from the oldest sibling of four…I can tell you that it is easier to have a gap of less than 5 years. I am missing all of my siblings lives 🙁
My closest sibling is three years younger and even that gap feels big! My best friend has a two year gap between her and her youngest older brother. She has no relationship with her other three brothers and I used to think that was very sad. I was very close to my youngest siblings before I moved out and now I am hardly aware of their likes or dislikes.
Post # 2
HunterJune: There is no one age gap that will work for all. Many parents like to at least have the first out of diapers before the second one arrives. Another factor to consider: Is the first child old enough to transition to a toddler/twin bed or do you really want two cribs?
Everyone can only relate their own experience. None of us knows what it would have been like if we made other choices. My children were planned to be 4 years apart. My son was old enough to be in pre school, have play dates etc and was not the least bit threatened by the arrival of his sister.
Post # 4
I didn’t vote in the poll, because I don’t know if there is a right answer. My brother and I are 15 months apart and we’re virtual strangers. DH and his sister are 18 months apart and do not have a close relationship either. But I have friends who are close in age with siblings and they are best friends, as well as those who were born years apart that have close relationships! I don’t know what makes a close sibling relationship honestly. My brother doesn’t have a close relationship with our parents either so that could explain away our lack of closeness, but both DH and his sister have good solid relationships with their parents, just not with one another.
Post # 5
HunterJune: I have a sister who is one year older than me and a brother who is one year younger. So my parents and three kids under the agee of three for a little while!! I would never have wanted it any other way. We were incredibly close growing up and remain that way today.
Post # 6
I don’t have kids but I have 2 siblings. My sister and I are 25 months apart (I am the oldest) and the gap between my sister and youngest brother is slightly less than 4 years! I feel that worked really well foor our family, although at times growing up my brother did feel lonely because he was so much younger than my sister and I and of course he was the only boy and went through a phase when he talked to himself a lot because my sister and I wouldn’t play with him. So, of course, that is something you should take into account. However as siblings we are all super close, even to this day and we all grew up to be resposible, successful adults. Honestly I don’t thing age difference matters that much, but how you raise your kids!
Post # 7
Around me, siblings with a close gap (less than 2 years) are just too close in age to be friends, they tend to compete more and annoy each other.
A gap of 3 years tends to make it so that the older child is old enough to be a mentor but close enough in age that they still share a lot in common with each other.
Post # 8
I don’t have kids yet, but my mom always had the opinion that a new baby wasn’t happening til the last one was potty trained. I imagine if I have more than one kid I will be the same. The thought of changing double the diapers sounds awful to me.
My sisters and I are all about 4 years apart. Seems good to me, close enough that we aren’t total opposites as far as maturity goes but far enough apart where growing up I had older sisters for advice and whatnot.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
My brother is 3 years younger than me & my sister is 8 years younger than me. My brother & I have never been exceptionally close (I think partly because of our genders & severely differing personalities), but we have always gotten along & still enjoy each other as adults. My sister & I aren’t really that close because we have always been in two very different stages of life & I moved out when she was 11. With that said, my brother & sister have a 5 year agegap & are pretty close. They have crazy similar personalities though & both still live at home so they interact a whole lot more.
I think it really just depends what you as parents want (as far as multiple kids in diapers or how old you’re willing to havs children if you decide to space them further apart).
Post # 10
I am the eldest of four kids and there is approximately 3 years between each of us – we are all super close (now aged 31 down to 22) so I think our age gaps must be ‘just right’.
I remember there being a few years where money was a bit tight but kids don’t really care about that kind of thing as long as they are surrounded by love and have plenty to entertain them! I had a lot of friends growing up who had no siblings and I know they used to wish they had brothers and sisters to pick on and play with 🙂
Post # 11
I Nanny for three children who are 17/18 months apart and I would not recommend having three children so close in age. I would consider having two children that close, but definitely not three.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My brother is seven years older– and it’s awesome! We’ve always been close. When I was in elementary- high school, I would visit him in college (and obviously out!). It was always great to spend that time with him. As we’ve gotten older, our age gap has gotten smaller. Now we’re both married with kids, we’re in more similar spots in our lives.
As for having a small versus big family… my husband and I have had this talk. We love, love, love our daughter. We’ve decided that, at least for now, we’d rather give her everything (all of our time and be able to travel and pay for her college and wedding and stuff) than have another child and have to split it all. That may change, but we live comfortably now and want to provide her everything. It certainly works the other way as well, though.
Post # 13
I was the oldest of 3 – my sister about 20 months younger than me, and my brother is about 18 months younger that her, so my mom had 3 kids in 4 years.
I don’t know about opposite genders, but my sister and I were too close in age…she was old enough to be allowed to tag along with me, but not old enough to really fit in and sharing friends and teachers and such was frustrating some times. A little more of a gap allows them to be their own people, more, in my opinion.
That said, more than 4 years isn’t ideal, to me. I think 3-4 years would be perfect, but I think in th end, it all depends on the kids and parents.
Post # 14
FI and I both come from families of 3 kids. My sisters and I are all almost exactly 2.5 years apart. To me, it was perfect – we were close enough in age to grow up together, but far enough apart that we had our own lives, hobbies and friends. FI, on the other hand, is the youngest of 3 kids by 6 and 8 years, respectively. He LOVED it, but I think that’s because he really felt more like an only child once he hit 8 or 10. He and his brothers are all really close now, as adults, but that’s very recent. I think it’s very difficult for kids with large age gaps to relate to their siblings.
Post # 15
I would wait at least 18 months between children, as I think that’s what is recommended in order to give your body time to recover from the first pregnancy. I personally would wait 2-3 years but I’m not sure I even want more than one, lol.