Weddingbee boards

schoens8f--I think that some sort of stability and financial security is a smart precaution to take in choosing when to have children.  FI and I are waiting until a year or so after we merely can get full-time jobs--and that won't be for another ten years.  I don't think many people would argue that it makes no difference whether we had a baby when we're 26, in the midst of a graduate program, and whether we waited till we got at least SOME money in the bank and had jobs with which we could support a child.  Not only would it be hard enough for us alone to live off our $20k/year stipends in a high-cost area, at least one of us would have to discontinue our education for some period of time to care for the baby, because a Ph.D. program requires full-time attention--so that'd be three people, living in a high-cost area, on $20k/year.  I think we all can agree that it is generally smarter to raise a baby above the poverty level.  And if we don't complete our programs, we won't be achieving the goals we've worked very hard to reach for years and years, and we won't be able to get into the careers we know will make us happy.  And we're annoyed enough that we can't start jobs till we're thirty!  We don't want to smack a baby into the middle of it so that one of us can't start working till we're say 35!

So when some people say they're waiting for financial/emotional/whatever stability, they really aren't kidding.  Sure you can love a baby and your life may be livable if you have one when you don't expect it.  But let's not kid ourselves, it changes a lot of things and you may have to say goodbye to some of your dreams.  So if you have those dreams, it makes sense that you might want to hold off on having a baby.  When people say they're waiting a few years till after they get married, they might be waiting for those sorts of stability.  Or maybe they really do feel like the 'now married' status makes some difference.  And even as a secular person, I think it does, which is largely why we're getting married anyway.  So I think those people who wait should be allowed to enjoy that and not be viewed as frivolously wasting away the time waiting for some arbitrarily set degree of stability that doesn't matter anyway.

@yrret: We have a good family friend who did that. She was a single, highly successful career woman living in San Francisco and she really wanted children. But there was no man in her life so she went to a sperm bank, twice! However, she also has a full time, live-in (male) nanny to help her care for her children.

25 is when the women in my family traditionally have their first child, and it would be a good time for me as well. :) I'm really glad I met my SO at this point in my life; I want to carry all my kids while I'm still young and sprightly! :P

I don't think anybody plans to meet all of their goals before having a baby--what kind of depressing life would that be, no goals after 25/30/35/whatever?  I just think that a lot of people want to make sure they'll be able to achieve their goals at all before having a baby (or in my case, we just want to make sure we aren't raising a child below the poverty line--doesn't seem too extreme a thing to wait for).  There's no correct order for everyone and if a couple deems that it's best for them to wait many years after marriage, well into their thirties, to have a child, then that's what's best for them and they will have their happiest family life by doing so.  And isn't that what everyone should be taking into account when deciding when to try to conceive?  There may never be a "perfect" time to have a baby, but I think you'd be extremely remiss to think that there aren't "much better" and "much worse" times.

My mom had already had two kids by my age...26. She was also pregnant with her third...I am 26 and there is NO WAY IN HELL I am ready for a kid yet. lol. I think Teddy and I will start when I am 30...him 32. We definately want some alone married time before we bring on the munchkins :)

Thank you, Miss Starlet. I tried to point out  to Aug08 that some of us didn't meet our husbands until we were well into our thirties. It's not something that can be changed.