Post # 1
So, I have 3 bridesmaids and one maid of honor. 2 of these bridesmaids have been nothing but difficult to the point of going to the dress shop behind my back and making sure everyone’s measurements for their dresses were made a different length than what we all agreed on. Also, they are refusing to pay for their dresses until a week or two before the wedding. That’s an issue because they are being shipped from another part of the world. The shipping will take at least 4-6 weeks apparently. The problem is, I am tired of making exceptions and changing my wedding plans because of them. Is there a way to tell them they can’t be bridesmaids anymore? I feel so bad, because, yes, they are my friends. But they are really making everything a lot more stressful than it should be. Ugh.
Post # 3
Um ya that’s not gonna work. You’re the bride and you make the decisions if they aren’t going along with it then maybe they’d be more comfortable as just guests
Post # 4
@javamonkey: I am in two minds about this. If you were paying for the dresses then I could completely see that they are being unreasonable.
Since you are getting them to pay though I guess it’s not really up to you to tell them they have to have their finances in order for your wedding with the dresses exactly as you decide.
Maybe discuss with them whether or not they are happy with the cost of the dresses and happy to buy them – will they be able to wear them again?
If the timing is difficult for them to pay for the dresses early maybe you could cover the cost temporarily at least?
I paid for my bridesmaids complete outfit including shoes and jewellery – I only had one and a flower girl which made it easier. I was able to choose nice things that suited them without having to pay a lot to get things specially made etc.
If it’s too much financial stress for you and them maybe having a smaller bridal party or more economical outfits is an option.
Post # 5
Going behind your back to change details about your wedding is unacceptable. The finances thing I could deal with.
The sneakiness? No.
Post # 6
It’s obviously not okay to change the dress length without you being consulted. I would talk to them and find out why they want the length changed. Do they think it’s too short and they are feeling exposed (maybe skin colored nylons could solve that problem?) Or are they just being difficult?
Our BM dresses ended up being around $150 and a few don’t have a lot of money so I’m covering the cost until closer to the wedding while they save up. It works out because they will pay me before we have to make all the major payments to the vendors. That money would just be sitting in our bank account anyway as we save up for those big payments. If you don’t have the money, I would talk to them and see if there is some compromise that can be made.
If no compromise can be made, you can always give them the option to assume a different honorary roll that requires less of a dress code and financial burden. After going through the bulk of wedding planning, I’ve realized that weddings stir up a lot of deep emotions in people, both good and bad. Even if people are being really really difficult, they may not be bad people… they may just be having a hard time dealing with something related to the wedding (maybe they feel like they are loosing you, or feel like they should be getting married too). Now, that said, my sister/MOH is driving me nuts so I’m trying to take my own advice and not be offended by her lack of interest. None of it’s worth loosing a friendship over!
Post # 7
@SharlaK: I offered to cover the cost and they refused saying they didn’t want to owe me. Also, the dresses are all ones they can wear again (we chose 4 different dresses, same color and length, so they could show their own personality and feel comfortable). The dresses only cost $75 including shipping. Seeing as neither of them is doing badly financially, I don’t see a problem paying for them, they’re a great deal 🙂
Post # 8
@javamonkey: OK yep – I do think that is odd of them then!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
If you’re MORE stressed because of your bridesmaids (WTF?!), I’d ask them to no longer be part of the wedding. You don’t need that and they obviously can’t afford it.