- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I can understand your feelings (being engaged is pretty special!) but I think you've gotten 2 months to bask in your glow, and it sounds like it's been great, so you don't need to begrudge your FBIL and his girlfriend their time for the same. I assume you have already spent time with the family discussing the wedding as you say you see them a lot, so surely sharing the engagement spotlight over Thanksgiving wouldn't be terrible? I think it could actually be quite fun!
((HUGS)) first off welcome to the hive dax! it's a great place to vent, celebrate and everything in between. secondly, the dynamics of the relationship could be changing. his girlfriend may have really put the heat (so to speak) on him after your engagement or it could have jump started his heart. i don't think his engagement will take anything away from your upcoming wedding or thanksgiving, you'll just forever be able to celebrate with your fsil and you-all will be able to joke and hang out and perhaps even work out deals with vendors because you'd both be able to book with them (lol this may not even be logical or work, but hey it could happen)...
meh - youve had 2 months already to "basking in the glow of being a newly engaged woman" and if i was the other bride to be i wouldnt be happy to have to wait any longer than i had to
remember, you get a day not a season or a year but a day so try to be patient towards the other couple because the bride in this couple has the right to feel good about her engagment also
goodluck and congrats!
I have to agree with eloping - two months is already a long time that you've had to enjoy! Now it's time to embrace your FSIL and let the joy and fun multiply. You get someone to bounce ideas off of, share things with, and laugh through the stress of planning with ~ focus on the good parts, and let go of the negative vibes.
This happened to me...FBIL got engaged shortly after me and FI. They planned their wedding three months after ours. I really don't see his as a problem and pp's are right...you've already had two months to "bask" in being engaged and your wedding day is one day, not month, year, season, whatever.
You guys have had 2 months already....i think it's ok that they're allowed to get engaged now. Maybe this will help your FSIL and you bond!
I agre with everyone else that you have had 2 months already. It might be easier for you if there is someone else planning a wedding that you can bump ideas off of. You two probably won't pick weddings near eachother since everyone has different ideas about seasons and things like that. Just be happy with what you've got! You two can still enjoy being engaged even if they are engaged too, that doesn't affect your happiness.
Just be happy for them. 2 months is a reasonable time between engagements. You know the happiness and excitement of getting engaged, so be happy and excited for them! I'm sure they are not trying to steal your thunder. Besides, remember how painful it is waiting for that ring? I'm sure your FSIL has been waiting for her turn too. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Be excited that there is so much love around you. Plus, when families get bigger, it is always so exciting. You guys will probably end up having kids around the same time too now which is exciting as well! I'm sure the future cousins will be great friends! So start your relationship with your FBIL and his soon to be fiance out on the right foot. Go buy them a congratulatory card, and don't spend one more second feeling bad about this. Believe me, you will feel better when you look on the bright side.
Like the other posters have said, you've been engaged 2 months (and you will have been engaged 3 months by the time FBIL and FSIL get engaged).
I think it would be great to have someone to talk wedding to all the time. And since you both are marrying into the same family, y'all can talk about family issues (assuming there are issues).
I agree with posters that 2 months is enough time and they should enjoy their engagement, but I also understand how you feel. Knowing that our feelings are a little irrational doesn't mean they aren't powerful!! Maybe it would make you feel better if you stepped up the contact with your family, where you're the only bride. Friends can help too!
One of my best friends got engaged last year after 4 years of living with her boyfriend (now husband). She had been waiting for the engagement for so long, was soooo excited and happy! When they called his parents to spread the happy news, his Mom answered with, "Guess what?!! Your brother got engaged!!" She was crushed -- her future brother in law had been with his girlfriend for less than a year and stole her thunder!! hahah she got over it but it was funny.
These things happen and complicated feelings are involved. Don't beat yourself up for having these feelings, but try to let them go.
This could be a great time to get closer with your FSIL. Enjoy it.
I agree with everyone else on the 2 months being long enough....one word of advice, you may want to hurry up and set the date! lol If him proposing not long after you got engaged annoyed you, think of how annoying it's going to be if you have to start haggling over dates with your future SIL. If you set yours now and it becomes an issue, atleast you can say, "Hey, I set my date before you were even engaged." Yeah, it sounds a little catty, but if you don't set your date now and then wait until they're engaged, it's going to be fair game for either one of you.
Thanks everyone! You're right, I should be happy and I will get over it. I need to look at the bright side of the whole thing, for sure!
I especially liked the idea that our kids will be the same age & likely grow very close. It's a strong possibility.
One last thing, though, I do even feel sorry for the youngest brother because he's been with his girlfriend for over 5 years now and he still hasn't popped the question. For good reason - he lost his job, and just finished up grad school. But still - how is SHE going to feel this Thanksgiving! The other brother (who's proposing) has only been with his girl for 9 months AND they BOTH live with their parents right now... Is that even legal - to get engaged when you live with your parents??? :)
I guess if you're all right, the youngest brother's girlfriend will probably be happy for everyone since that seems to be the overlaying theme here.
But still! It's so crazy how blown out of proportion feelings get when weddings are involved!! (Mine obviously included!).
I agree with JsDragonfly - you need to set a date NOW if you haven't already. Or at the very least pick a month. There are so many posts on WB about family picking wedding dates right around theirs and it's not a good scenario. You got engaged first so you get your pick of dates first. Catty, maybe - but practical, hell yeah!
haha - We'v got one set already! later in the year next year...
But that's the OTHER thing... They're likely not going to get married next year... SO WHAT'S THE RUSH!!?
My best friend is now engaged too - she has the cash and resources to set a date and get the ball rolling - I'm still working on that. We were thinking of having an end of summer wedding, but she chose her date for Sept., kind of when we were thinking. And at my baby shower (3 years ago) one of my cousins announced that she was prego - the TWO biggest "spotlight" times in my life are now being shared with other people. Oh well - it could be worse I guess!
Yeah, I know that sometimes feelings just bubble up and you know you don't really want to feel them, but you are! I think since you definitely do want to be happy for them, those initial feelings will pass. A friend of mine got engaged 2 months after I did and her wedding is 2 months before mine. We're bridesmaids in each other's weddings on top of that! So far, it's been nothing but FUN!
We send each other links to makeup and hair artists and show pictures of our hair and makeup trials. We send pix of our prospective dresses and write long emails either to bounce ideas or to just vent. We don't meet very often, so we mostly email or call, but it's been awesome having a buddy bride! Sometimes, people around us just don't understand how stressful or aggravating the wedding planning process is. So it's nice that there is someone else going through the same concerns roughly around the same time you are.
I know how you feel. I still get a little jealous for some reason when i hear other people around me are getting engaged. I've been engaged for 1.5 years now so i've had my time in the sun. i'm getting way better on not feeling annoyed though. I hope you still have a nice discussion on thanksgiving. maybe you girls could swap ideas!
@JewishBride.. wow, youre 18 and youve been engaged for 1.5yrs!!! yikes JB....
and to OP, well done to setting your date before the other couple - you never know what happens in the next year so at least you already have claim to your day because yes, it will be "your day" to enjoy... glad youre feeling better about this today and goodluck!
I think it's a totally natural feeling. I had my own gripe moment when I realized my cousin and his gf are announcing their engagement to our extended family (ours will come when I have the ring on my finger). They've been together for just about a year, and we've been together over five years, so I felt like... hey, isn't it my turn?
But deep breaths helped, and realizing that this doesn't make our day any less special also helped. Just focus on making your wedding about the two of you, and it will be perfect.
Also, I think you'll still get a lot of planning attention, especially if yours has a date attached. People will still want to be involved in the planning process. In my experience, women in families don't have a limit on how much they can talk weddings!
I get the feeling that my best friend at one time felt the same way. She got engaged in December, and I got engaged in February. To top it off, we scheduled our wedding date ahead of hers. While she was supportive, I have to say in retrospect I'm sure she was pretty ticked. At the time, being newly engaged and all, I couldn't see why she would seem upset. I thought "she had her 2 months and now she can share." But, if I had been the first one to get engaged, I think I would have felt the same way.
I think your frustration is justifiable, but I also think it is justifiable to say that you have had your freshly engaged time and can share. It's tough! Hang in there...
My fiance and I have been engaged since april... and only 4 more months until we are married. However, his brother just got engaged this weekend... and I'm furious!! They don't even plan on getting married until 2012! I think they could have waited 4 more months since they dont even have a date in mind. This is really rude. I totally understand what you are feeling because I'm really close to my fiance's family and waited for this special time with his/my family for a very long time!
My FI's brother just got engaged too! I half think that it's because he didn't want his little brother to get married TOO much before him, ha. But it's helped us out actually because we can tell my FMIL to chill out a bit on the guest list since a lot of people can just go to one of the two weddings, since they'll see us at both.
My brother popped the question to his girlfriend two days after we told them we were engaged. Their wedding will take place two months after ours. We're excited for them, they're excited for us, and everyone we know is happy for all four of us. As far as I'm concerned, their engagement is making ours even more fun and enjoyable.
Just because your FBIL is engaged doesn't mean you can't talk about wedding stuff at Thanksgiving. You just might have to talk about both of your weddings. You couldn't have expected your FBIL to put off proposing just because you were engaged...he had every right to do what he felt was right when it felt right.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 23 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ladyartichoke | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| likelimeade | 8 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| armychica06 | 2 |
| HollyCJ | 2 |
| zippylef | 1 |
| PinkPinstripes | 1 |
| mink | 1 |
| kaliella | 1 |
| FutureMrsArchitect | 1 |
| Zouave | 1 |
| Zanne54 | 1 |
| BellaDee | 1 |
My fiance and I just got engaged 2 months ago. I have no family up here, but spend a lot of time with his family. He has 2 younger brothers and 1 older sister. Long story short, I'm basking in the glow of being a newly engaged woman and come to find out his younger brother is planning on popping the question before Thanksgiving (2 weeks away).
Now, Thanksgiving is a time that I was looking forward to spending with his family to discuss wedding things. I really don't get much time with my own family to do this since they're so far away, so I'm a little disappointed that I will have to share this time now. I feel like I'm being irrational, but I just don't understand why he can't wait a couple of months. Just a few months longer so that we can enjoy being engaged - just us - for a little while!?
My fiance is equally as annoyed, but I guess there is nothing we can do...
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? :(