Weddingbee boards

I am so happy to find this site, this mey just be the thing I need because I am having a very hard time latelly. I am 32 (amost). He is 37.

I was in a 7.5 year relationship before hoping for engagement after I was given a promise ring on our one year anniversary. We lived together too. However relationship ended and good it did because he was cheating anyways which i found out later.

I am now in a 2 year relationship with my SO. He is the most amazing man. Very romantic and caring, Remembers every detail and is a true treasure. We have been living together for a year now. He gave me a promise ring on New Years eve 2010.

I guess since there wasn't much break between the two relationships, that 'HOPE" feeling has lingered and now occupying my mind. We have spoke of engagament before and he has promissed me that he is planning to do it in 2012. We are both working and finances are not the issue here either. He just says that he wants to do it big, he doesn't just want to propose, to trust him and relax as he needs me to be in the right frame of mind as he wants a great story to tell our children, grandchildren... That he also will tease me a little bit too..

So the problem is that I feel like I have been waiting forever and hope for it almost daily. And with that hope, dissapointment happens each time after. Any wedding that i see on tv or a glimpse of it in a movie, people at working talking of their wifes/ husbands or even worse asking me why are we not engaged yet. All that puts an idea in my head which just grows to incredible amount and even gets me to tears at time, making me feel down and he can tell that something is wrong and we end up talking about it. I somewhat feel better after but eventually same thing happens. It feels like torture at times, I just want to enjoy us and not think about these things. I just want us to be commited that way to eachother. I really don't care if we will be engaged for 2 more years or so, I just need that next step.

Feel like my mind is fighting with my heart at all times. My mind tells me that all will be ok, to relax and not think about it, but my heart is in deep need of this and this can really take the joy out of anything :(

Like yesterday. I had the most amazing valentines day. He sent me a dozen red roses to work, took me out to a very fancy restaurant and then we went to see a movie "The Vow". All that, and while i was falling asleep I felt so sad and cried. I know I have to work on me here but how ? any ideas ?

@KatNYC2011:  Thank You for your reply. I know this mey sound like I want a wedding. But in reality I just really want a commitment.

I think I am scared because I was told lies by my ex and I feel like I have waisted 7.5 years being led on to a stable marriage. Now looking at it, I am so so happy that we never did get married because I would never have met my SO, which i love him more then i can ever describe.

Which is all I want. I was raised by a single mother, and just need emotional security.

I haven't even looked into wedding planning because I am afraid to put my hopes up and add anything else to this internal need.

@Elolith:  Thank You for the welcome and the post link :)

I am finding this site to be very helpful :)

@weeble78:  Time Lines...hmm, he spoke of this year. He wouldn't let me know any more detail tho. I did read your posts too.

It's nice to know I am not alone in this. As for your boyfriend not being romantic, it's ok, you love him anyways :)

rmoppe56 - Thank you for this valuable advice.