Post # 1
Ok so with a year under our belt, and another year and a half before we get married I know he is the one for me. No question about it right? Maybe not. He is my best friend. He loves my kids and vice versa. I love his family (they are close), especially his close family. But we are so different. I grew up in a family with no money, struggling for everything, he grew up in a priviledged family, and still spends like there is never an end to the money. I mean for example he went and got ammo so we could target shoot together and comes home with “Sliver Bullets”. Please is that a necessary expense? Friday night we took my MOH out for drinks for her birthday, and some of his friends came out with us. One of them who he isn’t particulary close to called me a gold digger then had the gall to ask if I would sign a prenup. Seriously you have got to be kidding me. The same day we got engaged I demanded a prenup knowing that this is what we would start going through. I have very high morals, I pay half our bills, I pay for half our vacations, I pay all for my kids (he tries but the key thing here is pride), I try not to accept all the gifts he wants to give me with the excuse of “Thanks babe, but I don’t need that”. Does everyone think I am a gold digger even though my income is almost the same as his? Should I break it off so he can find someone on his level? OMG OMG freak out moment… All over people asking quesitons that are none of their business.
Post # 3
woah – not cool! You’re right, it’s NONE of his friends’ (or anyone’s!) business.
Not cool at all.
I don’t think you sound like a golddigger at all, and I don’t think you should let rude comments unnerve you do the point where you consider calling off your wedding. Your FI choose you, he wants to be with you, and no matter what anyone else thinks, that means you are exactly on his level.
Did your FI hear the comment? I think he needs to talk to his friend, because you don’t deserve to be spoken to in that way.
Post # 4
That sounds a little extreme to break if off so he can “find someone on his income level”. He loves YOU and asked YOU to marry him, so obviously he wants to be with you. I would sit down and talk with him about this and that it’s bothering you. Have you two talked about finances and how things will be paid for when you’re married? Also wondering why you demanded a prenup if you make about the same amount…I don’t know a lot about prenups and I’m curious.
If your FI heard that comment, he needs to speak up and defend you because that is not okay for his friends to make comments to you like that! It sounds like this is a sensitive issue for you so I would sit down with him and talk to him about it.
Post # 5
First, yes FI did hear the comment. We were all drinking, so I think he wrote it off as the other guy just being a drunken asshole (excuse the language I am a bit ticked off at the other guy), and didn’t think to much of it.
Why would I demand a prenup? There are 2 business (that yes I am a part of). One is a family business, and the other he has been working on for 4 years before we met that I have been a really big part of this past year. We live in his house, on his property. Neither one of us have been married before, and we plan on doing it right. I think a prenup is a common sense move for him, and emotional insurance for me that he knows I want HIM not his stuff.
Post # 6
If anything, HE should be the one asking for the prenup, not you, but i don’t think it’s necessarily a bad idea. If he wants to protect his personal assets, then it’s his choice in the end. But i think it’s very considerate of you to bring it up, let him know why you think one is a good idea (common sense/emotional insurance) and just offer to meet with a lawyer and see what one has to say.
Post # 7
Um why the prenup? I am sure he knows you are not with him for his stuff. If that were the case he wouldn’t want to make you his wife. He would just keep you as a live in girl friend for as long as it lasted. You seem very independent. Tell everyone else to shove it and mind their own business. Ok maybe a little nicer than that LOL.
Post # 8
No need to break it off, but there does seem to be a need to punch his ‘friend’ in the face.
Post # 9
Are you planning on doing premarital counseling of any kind? In addition to the prenup, it sounds like you need to have some serious conversations about how you will handle your money and budget for joint expenses, since you have different orientations towards money. Premarital counseling can be great for figuring out a plan for how to deal with that (and I sympathize – my husband is also much more of a spender than I am) before it becomes an issue!
Post # 10
hmm.. i would tell that guy to stick it where the sun don’t shine. =X the marriage is between you and your FI, and what arrangements you have is none of anyone else’s business.
Post # 11
We sat down and talked yesterday, and now I feel so silly. I asked FI why he didn’t stand up for me at the bar 1)He didn’t hear it, and 2)”Why would I say anything? I love you and I am marrying you for who you are. I love your kids, and I couldn’t picture my life without the 3 of you”.
AAHHHH this made me feel so good!!! We talked for a long time, and while he doesn’t feel the need for a prenup we are going to talk to his lawyer together, than I am going to pay a lawyer to make sure everything is all good with the paperwork. I love that I have an understanding FI who doesn’t care what my past was… Or how much money my parents have.