(Closed) AHhh my future in laws are unbelievable ( and NOT in a good way) !!! VENT!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

SOOO glad that your FI is sticking up for you!! Do not give in to them. I think you are starting off on the right foot, you must have boundaries.  Who cares if people you dont’ even know (and FI probably doesn’t even know) are hurt by not coming?? My mom has been friends with people I have personally known for my entire life, and I coudln’t invite them because we were paying for the wedding. My mom explained the situation, and they understood. They got to see pics, and were happy with that.

The audacity of some people amaze me. I have never in my life seen so many family drama as I have on this sight. I was always one to not date anyone my family didnt’ like, and I would never marry into a family I couldn’t get along with, no matter how much I loved the man.  Its not worth all the drama and stress to spend the rest of my life dealing with. Thankfully, we get along so great with each others families, and our parents are good friends

Post # 4
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If I was in your position  I would not allow the extra 10 people. Aside from the obvious inconvenience it brings about, I would not want your future MIL thinking she can call the shots. Since they haven’t contributed a dime to the wedding, and have already been allotted 80 guests (which was all of my guests!), I would decline her request. You need to be as stress-free as possible with the big day fast approaching! Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just tell her that its too late to change the numbers  now.

Post # 6
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my gosh, don’t hate me! Because I completely understand the drift of your post! BUT! They are giving you money towards the honeymoon and offering to pay for the extra 10. THAT is way more than my inlaws did for us.

If you’re worried about the extra decor, centerpiece, etc…factor it into the cost and tell her “Ok, the extra 10 people will cost X amount”

Post # 8
Member
5548 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Well, no one said FILs had to contribute anything. You are adult enough to get married so you should be adult enough to pay for your wedding. Your parents decided to help? That’s wonderful! What a blessing. But how your FILx spend their money is their business. It doesn’t matter how much money you think they should have, it is their money to spend how they wish. At least you got the $1,000 for your honeymoon and your parents paying for your wedding. 

Now her exspecting you to add a whole table, calmly tell them do to logicistical reasons it is impossible to add a table this late before the wedding. And if they keep pressing the issue, again, calmly say “At this point there is no feasible way to add the table since the table things have already been paid for.” And leave it at that. 

Post # 9
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@merenguito: So why are you accommodating these other 10 people? If they were that important they would have been on the list before.

You and your FH should stick up to his parents for yourselves and your family.

Best of Luck!

Post # 11
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@merenguito:

Whoa! Sorry! I didn’t notice your date! I get it now. No effot to help (financially or with DIY) yet want to add 10 extra people this late in the game. I get why you and FH are angry. Hmmm. Say “sorry, it’s too late. The venue needed a final head count and we gave it to them”???

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@merenguito: My MIL did that same thing, she kept suggesting names and wanting to add people. The only difference was his parents and my parents were putting in the same amount of money. My guest list was deff. heavy on there side from the get go.

She once wrote me and said “would it be the end of the world to go over 100 people” I started to write back and say it was bc we would have to get an extra table, linens, centerpieces, food, etc but decided not to. In the end i said

“If there are any cancellations I will add them”

In the end most of the people got to come, but it was good to put my foot down and you and your DH need to do it to. I see you have done it already so stick to your guns. she will not remember who was or wasnt there after the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You really need to stick to your guns on this.  If not this, then where do you draw the line?  I’m not talking about wedding stuff, I’m talking about when you have kids, etc.  You are going to be married to Mr. Merenguito and setting up a family structure with him and therefore you might as well start learning to put your foot down.

They might actually respect you in the end for sticking to your guns.

Post # 14
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Its really too late to add an entire table of people. I would just say no. They promised to pay for the honeymoon (and you havent seen that money yet) do you really think you are going to actually see the money for the extra 10 people? If these people were so important they would have been part of the original guestlist.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I find 2 things wrong in your post.

1) you said more than once they haven’t paid a dime, then when FMIL offers to fork over money you’re like it isn’t about the money (when it is because you keep saying they haven’t paid for anything).

2) you *never* know someones money situation. so do not presume they have thousands to spare just becasue they have no mortgage/ car payments. I’m also thinking it’s incredibly selfish and rude to be pissed off that you “only” get $1000 for your honeymoon instead of $1600. Poor you… geeze. Even if you don’t get anything you should be appriciate the fact they even OFFERED in the first place.

After all that said. I do agree it is now too late to add more people. If this was months out still I wouldn’t be saying quite that especially with the offer for her to pay for them. But 3 weeks isn’t enough time to do what would be required to make that happen.

Post # 16
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know why you would even entertain the idea.  Just say no. end of it. Ignore her if she continues.

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