Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been engaged for 2 months now and we’re in a long distance relationship, I know what you’re thinking, have we met? yes we have met many times and been around each other plenty of times, but he lives in South Carolina and I live in North Carolina and he leaves for basic training at the end of July and then after basic he’ll be going to California for Language Training because he wants to be a Linguist, but lately I’ve been a little frustrated as to how I’m going to plan the wedding. We’re already apart and we’ll be farther apart when he goes off to training and then after he gets out of training, I understand that he has some time off before he’s sent to his first base but not enough time to plan and have a wedding I don’t believe. Once he starts living on base somewhere, he wants me to go with him but we can’t live together if we’re not married. I’m new to the military and all the military “rules” and everything that military offers and doesn’t offer and I just need a little insight into what I’m up against. This is a tough situation that we’re in being long distance anyway, but this is just making every thing seem even tougher. The only thing we can think of is getting married in a courthouse, so we’re legally married and able to live together on base and then later down the road at some point have the actual wedding, but I don’t really want to do that.
I just need some advice. Some advice on what the military is willing to give us to plan and have our wedding.
Post # 3
I’m afraid you said it… the most practical solution is to get legally married, move in together, and then plan a wedding afterwards. That said, I really do think that you should try and live with Fiance, or at least around him in the same city, first. Don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but how well can you get to know each other in 2 months, especially if you are long distance?
You really need to be sure that neither of you have any “deal breakers” for the other before you get married. You need to work out routines for all that domestic stuff as well (which is why I would advise someome to live together before they marry anyway, but that’s just me). So I would wait until he is settled in his new post, and then get a job nearby to where he is posted and take it from there… sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear…
Post # 4
How long have you guys been together?
I was long distance with my husband for years. Like 8+ years. We saw each other fairly often, but not always for long. The last few times I saw him before I moved down were for long streches (3 months or so). Have you spent significant amounts of time together? I know how real a long distance relationship is, I’m not doubting that, but do you know his quirks well enough? If you think you do, more power to you. Just food for thought.
Why can’t you plan the wedding from long distance and move there after? You said you don’t want to go the courthouse route, which is fine, but it takes scarifices. We avoided a courthouse wedding at all costs and it took about a 1.5 to find the perfect time to wed, but the waiting was SO worth it.
Can he live off base? Sometimes they can and sometime they can not. I lived with my husband in his off base apartment for those months I visited.
Stand your ground and make sure you get what you want for a wedding. Just be patient.
Post # 5
I am personally not a fan of the civil wedding before church ceremony. We did kind of the same thing, but it most certainly was not planned that way and we didn’t realize we needed it until the week before our ceremony (marriage license issue). It’s very possible to plan a wedding in a short amount of time (our engagement was 4 months). Anyway, my husband was TDY until the day before our wedding, so it’s very possible to plan something quickly and without him around.
Don’t get discouraged about not being able to live together beforehand. My Darling Husband and I were long distance and didn’t lived together beforehand for religious reasons, and we’re just fine.
Also, about the living on base thing, if he’s junior enlisted and living in the dorms, you can’t live with him regardless of marital status, but I believe once he’s married he can move off base no matter what his rank is.