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I said "other" because we are doing pay-your-own way for drinks at the rehearsal, but an open bar at the reception. At the initial stages of planning, this issue came up. My fiance's parents were very adamant that we do not pay for drinks at the rehearsal, and it seems like a cultural/regional thing for us (we surveyed friends and family about this). I felt a little weird about it at first, but I also would feel weird paying for drinks like with an open bar when the people at the rehearsal probably shouldn't be drinking too much anyway due to the next-day events. For the reception, however, we're having open bar.
@MissTurtle27: I agree with you that your guests at the rehearsal may expect some adult beverages. I like your idea of having only beer and sangria at the table. I feel like that's a happy medium between no alcohol at all and a full open bar. Good luck!!
I agree that you should pay for the drinks at the rehearsal, and I think limiting it to beer and wine is a fine option if you don't want to offer the full bar.
I guess I am in a different social circle and we are only offering maybe a glass of wine to everyone at the rehearsal and then they pay for the rest of their drinks. At the wedding we are handing out *gasp* a drink ticket to everyone for cocktail hour and then free beer and wine all night on top of one mixed drink. I know its not ideal, and as much as I would like to have open bar all night, we just can't afford it.
I used to work many rehearsal dinners and it was about 50/50 with open bar. So I don't think it is out of the ordinary or unaccepted at all. We are planning on having an open bar at our rehearsal dinner and reception
Our rehearsal was at a restaurant. We provided two drinks for each guest. At the wedding it was an open bar.
I think it's fine to have guests pay for their own drinks at the rehearsal. I've been to two rehearsal dinners and neither had free alcohol. We'll most likely have guests buy their own drinks at ours as well, because FI's parents are covering the dinner but they don't drink. I would never expect them to pay for other people's drinks when they don't partake of alcohol themselves.
We did not provide drinks for the rehearsal dinner, but the restaurant had a great bar where everyone bought their drinks while we ate. Then we provided an open bar for the wedding. I personally think having a cash bar at a wedding is lame.
My FIL's are paying for our RD and I do not expect them to pay for an open bar. Non-alcoholic drinks, sure, but they don't have to pay for our guests beer and wine. We'll be having a limited open bar at our wedding so I see no problem making people pay for their own drinks at the RD if they really want something alcoholic (our RD venue gives everyone a free shot of tequilla anyway).
At my FBIL's RD a few years ago FMIL told us to drink whatever we want and they'd cover it but they didn't want everyone knowing it was an open bar. In the end I'm pretty sure they ended up paying the whole bar tab anyway but since the guests didn't know it was open, they didn't really go crazy.
If anything maybe we'll do some pitchers of beer on the table but I don't think anything more is necessary.
Open bars are entirely regional (as you can see from many previous threads). I've been to both, and I don't think it is bad manners to have a cash bar, though of course I love an open bar! :) I wish I could have one at my own wedding, however our ceremony is at 5pm, the first drinks are served at 5:30pm and the last one won't be served until 1am! I tried to find a venue where I could bring in my own, but in my area those were far and few between. So we are providing drinks during cocktail hour and dinner, and then in switches to a cash bar during the "dancing" portion of the evening.
My own personal opinion (which is not based on anything from an ettiquette book) is that when possible it is best to serve beer or wine during dinner, and then them purchase whatever they would like after that. For you I'd think it might be a good idea to have wine with dinner (or pitchers of sangria and beer as you mention) and then once whatever you ordered is gone people can buy additional drinks if they want them. It is a good middle ground.
Other. I don't expect to pay for alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. I don't mind if I have to pay, or even if it's not an option. But I would rather have an open bar for the actual reception. I like the option of being able to drink at a reception, so a cash bar would be fine as well. I'll be disappointed if there is no option to drink, but I'm not going to die and be angry :)
I would expect (and have been expected to) purchase my own alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. I was fine with that. As far as reception, I prefer open bar but cash bar is fine too!
I would never expect to, or expect my guests to, pay for drinks at a hosted event. If you're going to pay for their food, why would you ask them to front the money for their drinks?
I agree with @aure. My In-Laws hosted the rehearsal dinner and they paid for all the alcohol that was consumed.
Our rehearsal dinner is going to be a picnic in a park. We are not getting an alcohol permit and police officer (required by the park if you serve booze), so it's not an option. We will be serving wine and beer and the reception, for which we are paying.
I voted other. As much as we would have liked to have a full open bar at both events, the money just wasn't there. We paid for unlimited beer/wine/champagne at the wedding reception and that alone was $25/person, came out to nearly $4K. So at the rehearsal, we didn't cover alcoholic drinks. We just couldn't afford it. No one complained...they can go one meal without a drink.
In my family, if you dont have an open bar at the wedding you are asking for trouble...
At a rehearsal dinner i would not expect to pay for alchol, but definitely not be offended if i had to. You shouldn't be getting smashed the night before the wedding anyway i would assume alot of people wouldn't have more than 2 drinks.
I actually don't really support the idea of alcohol at the rehersal dinner, especially an open bar because I think the potential for some people to get out of hand with drinking (I know that, because I rarely drink, a couple glasses of wine will give me a strong headache for a solid day, regardless of the medicine I take) is too dangerous when you're talking about having a dinner with all the people integral to the success of your wedding.
I've also been under the impression that the RD was supposed to be less formal than the wedding, not an extension of it. So it's completely normal for her to not want to pay for the alcohol (I should word it as - I don't think people are going to expect it to be paid for). With that being said, I think offering everyone either a glass of wine (with a couple bottles of red or wine provided) or some sangria is also very reasonable. It might be a very reasonable compromise from the open bar idea.
Good luck!
i voted cash bar and other. Cash bar for wedding. no alcohol for rehearsal dinner. this is us as my FI family is very religous since they will be helping with the rehearsal I will respect there ideals and no have alcohol, for those who want it can have it after. for the wedding, i am having a cash bar, so that way its not throwing alcohol in there face, but letting those who wish to drink have the option.
my FI drinks often, I dont really drink at all, but will SO be having a long island (my fav) on our wedding night! but his dad avoids the reality that my FI drinks...
we had beer and wine at the RD and a full open bar at the reception. I have really strong negative feelings about cash bars, and so does my family.
I was also nervous about people getting too drunk at the RD, which is why we limited to beer and wine.
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Hi ladies! I need your opinions. We're planning our rehearsal dinner. FI and I decided to only include immediate family and wedding party which brings the guest list to 30 people. We found a great deal with one of our favorite restaurants that we're very excited about.
FI's parents wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner and of course we accepted. His parents are divorced and they've each told us what they'd be willing to spend so we now have a budget. It seems like anything left over they would like to be put towards other wedding expenses!
It looks like dinner with run us about $800 including tax/gratuity/etc. We have $1500 total available. This price includesnon-alcoholic beverages. Since we're doing well on our budget it looks like we can easily include alcohol. The restaurant is really helpful and they print "custom" menus for our dinner so we can include beer and wine, full bar or even ordering a few pitchers of beer and sangria for the table.
We plan on having a full open bar at the reception too. Our venue lets us purchase our own alcohol and our caterer provides a bar tender. We thought it was important to also provide an option for adult beverages at the rehearsal dinner too!
But, today FI and I got an email from his mom about the dinner. She said everything looks great but she said she doesn't agree with paying for everyone's alcohol at the rehearsal dinner. She thinks if they want an adult beverage they can pay for it. She acknowledged that we felt differently and it was up to us to decide!
This just seems weird to me. I don't really understand why she's against this. She drinks, as does everyone in our families and social groups, so its not that she's against alcohol. From what I gather, she thinks its weird that we're having an open bar. She told FI that every wedding she's been too they've had a cash bar!
Now every wedding I've been to has had either a full open bar or wine/beer. She can't believe we're paying for alcohol at all! But, in my book its rude to not host an open bar. We're not strapped for cash, we're staying well within budget on our rehearsal and reception so I don't understand why we would make our guests pay for it!
I'm starting to worry that our wedding is very extravagent compared to what FI's mom is used too. In my view, we're spending a good deal of money but I'm not wasting it. I'm DIYing and cutting out frivolous extras because I don't like carelessly spending. But, I am willing to spend on food and drinks because in my opinion that is crucial in having a good party!
After reading the bee for the last year I've come to understand that people have very different expectations of weddings but I'm wondering what most bees think is "normal". In my social circle I'm having a low key, cheaper wedding than many of my friends. But, I get the distinct impression that its lavish to his family! Would you expect drinks at a bridal party/family only rehearsal dinner?