Weddingbee boards

Ok so up until Friday My FI and I were the only 2 people paying for our wedding.  My Future Mother in law had previously promised us to pay for the expensive venue that she wanted us to have instead of the simple wedding we wanted.  She never came through on her end of the deal and we ended up paying for a church that cost us $4000 just to rent.  INSANE!  Since then I became very irritable with her.  She has told us since day one that there would be absolutely NO alcohol at our wedding "Be this is a chirstian wedding", she would say.  

Stop right there - My father use to be a pastor.  I am a christian, but why the hec can't I have alcohol at my own wedding?  Frustrated I began to plot.  The reception hall is gorgeous.  Normally people that get married there set up the bar in a sun room area that is right next to where everyone dines.  I spoke to our caterer and told him that I would like to move it ourside in the court yard (Weather permitting).  I also concluded that my family nor my FI'S family were big drinkers, it would be primarily for our friends.  That being said I didnt order a huge amount of beer and wine.

So this past Friday my Fi's mom told us at lunch that she has decided to put $4000 toward the wedding.  Shocked, My first thought was oh Shi* lol.  If she pays for some of the wedding that means she has a right in saying what goes on.  She is very stern in her ways.  She even made the comment "I'm so glad it's not going to be a drunk feast".  Now I am put in a sticky situation because I have it all played out in my head that my friends will be able to have an awesome time.  We have a flippin awesome band and now I feel like its just gonna suck for the people who are social drinkers if we dont have a bar.

As I lay in bed last night my FI rolls over to me and says that maybe I should rethink the whole bar since his mom is helping.  UGHHHHHHHHHH.  It's gottten so bad I Have been trying to think of ways around it.  I even came up with an idea that someone decided to help us purchase the bar as a gift lol.  Lame I know but Im running out of time and options.  I need some advice!!!!

It wouldnt be so bad if she wouldnt have hated me since day one.  When she finds out we have a bar "Fits gonna hit the Shand" ha.  I think people should have an option if they want to drink or not.  If we don't take the money that means were gonna be in a bind.  I don't know how else we would be able to afford it.  What do you think about opening the bar at a later time.  It would give people a chance to eat dinner and hopefully some of them will leave (older people).  Plus that means people will start drinking later so they will have less of a chance to get really drunk.  Reception starts at 6 so I was thinking about opening it at 7.  Is that a bad idea?  Even though she will still be angry.

I agree with previous posts - it is your wedding.  I think it is important to set boundries early with in-laws and letting her use $$ to dictate what your party will include/exclude is not good.

I would say thanks, but no thanks to her 4k and have your party your way.

AND - i am also Christian who enjoys beer & wine :-)

I have never understood the whole "i'm christian, so i don't drink" line of thinking. WWJD? Turn water into wine so the guests could enjoy themselves.

I would decline your FMIL's offer of financial assistance and keep the bar.

@sunflower8 - HAHAHAHAHA.  That was pretty dang funny.  You're all right.  If she "is" giving us the money then it should be as a gift without any reason to change what I want.  We have went round after round before on certian things and I try so hard to bite my tounge at all of her blunt statements she makes with no regaurd if she hurts my feelings.  I guess its time I put my foot down about everything.  Honeslty this isn't just about the wedding anymore.  I'm sick of the way she treats my fiance and me and anyone else that crosses her path of fury just because she doesn't like something.  Besides there's about to be a New Mrs. B in town :)

I agree with the other ladies. It's your wedding... have it the way you like it or you'll regret it in the future.

Even if your FI suggests otherwise, ask him if he will always want his mom to have a say in every major life decision you have. You are starting your own family. You need to have the say final say in your own decisions.

Trust me, my father ALWAYS listened to my grandmother while I was little. My parents bought a rundown in a bad neighborhood even though my mom was against it. They fought but ultimately she couldn't argue with my father because my grandma contributed a little bit to the down payment. What they didn't know was that she made a deal with the realtor to get commission on buying a used house. The other option was paying a little bit more for a new house that was in the process of getting built in a very good neighborhood. This was only one of the major things she had a say in and like a good daughter-in-law my mom just took it. Their marriage and my childhood would've probably been way better if my grandmother hadn't been giving her input on major decisions.

@chasesgirl - That is exactly my point.  The thing is im just as hardheaded and independent as she is that's why we butt heads.  She's just so negative all the time about everything - and I mean everything.  I don't want to cause any problems between she and I but then again, since day one she never gave me a chance and never was warm nor inviting no matter what I did.  It was so bad I would cry! It's litterally like the movie monster in law lol.  NO MATTER what you do, what you say you will never be the girl she wants for her son.  That girl doenst exsist because in reality she wants him to always be hers.  She has to let up and realize he isn't a child but a grown man who is getting married and starting his own family and that im not taking him from her.  <---- This is where my frustration is coming into play with the bar at the reception.  Like I said, my family is totally against drinking too.  I just want people (friends) to be able to have a good time and DANCE because most ppl won't unless they have a drink or 2, just saying.  On the other hand of course it bothers me I can't get any kind of support on this matter with her.  I do drink occasionally, my FI does not.  It's frustrating haha.  Lord Help.  

Jesus drank wine.... did she forget that part? Lol.  I would go ahead and do what you want.  Being a christian does not mean you can not drink. But it does mean you shouldn't pass judgment on others, even those who drink.  Hope everything works out! :)