(Closed) Alcohol is making our marriage stressful

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@alaska_99705:  Alcoholism actually CAN be genetic.  Is his behavior when he’s drinking a problem?  It does sound like he drinks a lot.  Hugs!

Post # 5
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

O boy, I can understand that you’re upset about this. As PP indicated, alcoholism can definitely be genetic. And two 24 packs, on average, per week is definitely more than excessive, it’s worrisome. However, it sounds like your husband isn’t ready to admit that. I don’t have any great suggestions that wouldn’t sound patronizing, so I’m just going to wish you the best and keep checking in on this thread to see how it goes. 

Good luck getting through tomorrow. 

Post # 6
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am the child of an alchoholic who is the child of an alchoholic….

I am 100% behind the genetic argument.

I would sudgest your husband go to counceling. Only then can he understand the root of his BEHAVIOR (notice how I didn’t say problem)

BTW: No one in my family has every ADMITTED they have a problem with control

ETA: (2)24 packs = 42 beers = anverage 6 beers a day! DAMN that is excessive….But I have seen a parent down 5Liters of wine….then open other box…so…..

Post # 8
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@alaska_99705:  tell him to start brewing his own. wayyyyyyy cheaper

 

edit: maybe he needs to limit his intake to a twelve pack a week…

Post # 9
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah… alcoholism can definitely be genetic.

And unfortunately your husband is definitely exhibiting the symptoms of someone with alcoholism. The fact that he won’t even go a week without beer is a dead giveaway.

I would definitely suggest he see someone about this… but you should too. Look for al-anon groups nearby, they’re there to help the families of alcoholics, so I think they might be able to give you a better understanding of what’s going on.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@alaska_99705:  The children of addicts are actually much more likely to develop an addiction of their own. Alcoholism is one of the worst one being hereditary. The very fact that he can’t go a week without alcohol tells me he is already heading in that direction. One can drink everyday of their life and never have an addiction, just like one can drink once a year and have an addiction. It’s all in the behaviour and the ability to say no to drinking.

A person that drinks once in a blue moon, but can’t manage to stop their consumption once it’s started is an alcoholic. Not being able to limit themselves after having a drink means they are being controlled by their alcohol consumption and not the ones controlling the consumption. 

A person that has a drink every night, but always stops at 1 or 2 has control over their consumption and wouldn’t be an alcoholic. 

Once you bring in behavioural problems brought on by the alcohol you are also at the point of being an alcoholic. 

 

Post # 11
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@alaska_99705:   I hope you’ll take this ok, but my opinion about this is please be careful how you approach this topic with your husband.  Treating a man, or any adult  for that matter, like a child and “scolding” them for something like drinking too much (or even spending too much money) can completely backfire on you.

I’m not saying you are technically wrong, maybe he IS an alcoholic.  But you’re leaning towards being “parental” to him and that will only lead to his resenting you.  When one person in a marriage starts treating the other as though they are not an adult with the ability to make their own choices it starts the marriage on an unhealthy path.

I’m sure you’re concerned, you have every right to be, especially based on the fact that his Dad was/is an alcoholic. 

But if you want to help your husband, do not: call him an alcoholic, unless you are a professional counselor trained to make that diagnosis, that’s a serious label to be throwing around; and do not: throw his past (Dad’s problems) in his face.

Post # 12
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have to say 2 24 packs a week is way above average and that much can definitely cause health problems. You said you don’t drink them. Is he always drinking by himself? Particularly you mentioned him being an ass from drinking too much on the weekends. Is he getting drunk by himself? Because that says there’s a problem to me. And seems he might be in denial.

Post # 13
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Alcoholism is very much genetic and he needs to be very careful if his dad was an alcoholic. If he cant go a week without beer, he needs to get some professional help.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Alcoholism can be genetic. Also, the behaviors and triggers that push people towards alcoholism are certainly passed down in alcoholic families. And therapist or AlAnon sponsor will tell you as much.

That’s a LOT of beer….i’d be concerned too.

Post # 16
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@alaska_99705:  

First… yes, as many PPs have pointed out, alcoholism can DEFINITELY run in a family. Also, even if the other areas of his life seem ‘together,’ it is certainly possible for someone to have something called ‘funciontal alcoholism.’ This site probably isn’t the *best* source of information, but it’s a good place to start.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/a/functional.htm

Does any of that sound familiar?

Secondly… Even now on weekends he’ll drink too much and turn into an ass, like a lot of men do.

My FI doesn’t do this, my brother doesn’t do this, and my father doesn’t do this. In fact, I know very few men like this. You don’t have to put up with that, and you don’t have to make excuses for the way he’s acting. 🙁

Six beers a day, every day, is INSANE. I don’t mind my FI having a couple of beers with dinner occasionally, but I’d be seriously irritated if it was a nightly occurrence. 

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