Post # 1
This morning my husband and I were talking about money, and how we should start saving more so we can go on vacation, buy a 4-wheeler, etc. I brought up that we probably spend $160 a month on beer. (He drinks, I don’t)
I told him that drinking 2 24-packs a week is a little excessive, and we started arguing about it. So I told him that I will go a week without any caffeine (I’m a Diet Coke addict) if he goes a week without any beer. He wouldn’t do it.
Back story: His dad is an alcoholic. Ruined his life because of drinking. I know alcoholism isn’t genetic but still. My husband has drank a lot of beer since, well, ever. Even now on weekends he’ll drink too much and turn into an ass, like a lot of men do. I’ve tried talking to him about his many times but he doesn’t listen, thinks I’m crazy, etc.
I hate saying this, but I am almost dreading Thanksgiving. We moved to Alaska this year and have no family nearby, but a couple that lives next door to us is coming over. My husband can not be in a social situation without having a beer in his hand, and I know he will be drinking all day, and unfortunately all weekend also.
I’m sorry that I rambled and this probably doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I need outside opinions.
Post # 3
@alaska_99705: Alcoholism actually CAN be genetic. Is his behavior when he’s drinking a problem? It does sound like he drinks a lot. Hugs!
Post # 4
@MrsJX3: His behavior can be a problem. During the week he’ll drink but it’s not excessive. But when he drinks too much on weekends he turns into an egocentric jerk.
Post # 5
O boy, I can understand that you’re upset about this. As PP indicated, alcoholism can definitely be genetic. And two 24 packs, on average, per week is definitely more than excessive, it’s worrisome. However, it sounds like your husband isn’t ready to admit that. I don’t have any great suggestions that wouldn’t sound patronizing, so I’m just going to wish you the best and keep checking in on this thread to see how it goes.
Good luck getting through tomorrow.
Post # 6
I am the child of an alchoholic who is the child of an alchoholic….
I am 100% behind the genetic argument.
I would sudgest your husband go to counceling. Only then can he understand the root of his BEHAVIOR (notice how I didn’t say problem)
BTW: No one in my family has every ADMITTED they have a problem with control
ETA: (2)24 packs = 42 beers = anverage 6 beers a day! DAMN that is excessive….But I have seen a parent down 5Liters of wine….then open other box…so…..
Post # 7
I’ve flat out told him numerous times “you’re an alcoholic,” half as a joke, half being serious.
He just always says that he doesn’t have any of the traits of an alcoholic.
Post # 8
@alaska_99705: tell him to start brewing his own. wayyyyyyy cheaper
edit: maybe he needs to limit his intake to a twelve pack a week…
Post # 9
Yeah… alcoholism can definitely be genetic.
And unfortunately your husband is definitely exhibiting the symptoms of someone with alcoholism. The fact that he won’t even go a week without beer is a dead giveaway.
I would definitely suggest he see someone about this… but you should too. Look for al-anon groups nearby, they’re there to help the families of alcoholics, so I think they might be able to give you a better understanding of what’s going on.
Post # 10
@alaska_99705: The children of addicts are actually much more likely to develop an addiction of their own. Alcoholism is one of the worst one being hereditary. The very fact that he can’t go a week without alcohol tells me he is already heading in that direction. One can drink everyday of their life and never have an addiction, just like one can drink once a year and have an addiction. It’s all in the behaviour and the ability to say no to drinking.
A person that drinks once in a blue moon, but can’t manage to stop their consumption once it’s started is an alcoholic. Not being able to limit themselves after having a drink means they are being controlled by their alcohol consumption and not the ones controlling the consumption.
A person that has a drink every night, but always stops at 1 or 2 has control over their consumption and wouldn’t be an alcoholic.
Once you bring in behavioural problems brought on by the alcohol you are also at the point of being an alcoholic.
Post # 11
@alaska_99705: I hope you’ll take this ok, but my opinion about this is please be careful how you approach this topic with your husband. Treating a man, or any adult for that matter, like a child and “scolding” them for something like drinking too much (or even spending too much money) can completely backfire on you.
I’m not saying you are technically wrong, maybe he IS an alcoholic. But you’re leaning towards being “parental” to him and that will only lead to his resenting you. When one person in a marriage starts treating the other as though they are not an adult with the ability to make their own choices it starts the marriage on an unhealthy path.
I’m sure you’re concerned, you have every right to be, especially based on the fact that his Dad was/is an alcoholic.
But if you want to help your husband, do not: call him an alcoholic, unless you are a professional counselor trained to make that diagnosis, that’s a serious label to be throwing around; and do not: throw his past (Dad’s problems) in his face.
Post # 12
I have to say 2 24 packs a week is way above average and that much can definitely cause health problems. You said you don’t drink them. Is he always drinking by himself? Particularly you mentioned him being an ass from drinking too much on the weekends. Is he getting drunk by himself? Because that says there’s a problem to me. And seems he might be in denial.
Post # 13
Alcoholism is very much genetic and he needs to be very careful if his dad was an alcoholic. If he cant go a week without beer, he needs to get some professional help.
Post # 14
Alcoholism can be genetic. Also, the behaviors and triggers that push people towards alcoholism are certainly passed down in alcoholic families. And therapist or AlAnon sponsor will tell you as much.
That’s a LOT of beer….i’d be concerned too.
Post # 15
Thank you ladies. These replies are really helping me get some perspective on everything.
Like many of you have said, the fact that he won’t even go a week without drinking it a problem. He says a lot that he drinks because he’s bored, but I don’t buy that as a valid excuse anymore.
I do know almost 100% that he will not go see a counselor. This is something that I am going to have to deal with along with him.
Post # 16
First… yes, as many PPs have pointed out, alcoholism can DEFINITELY run in a family. Also, even if the other areas of his life seem ‘together,’ it is certainly possible for someone to have something called ‘funciontal alcoholism.’ This site probably isn’t the *best* source of information, but it’s a good place to start.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Secondly… Even now on weekends he’ll drink too much and turn into an ass, like a lot of men do.
My FI doesn’t do this, my brother doesn’t do this, and my father doesn’t do this. In fact, I know very few men like this. You don’t have to put up with that, and you don’t have to make excuses for the way he’s acting. 🙁
Six beers a day, every day, is INSANE. I don’t mind my FI having a couple of beers with dinner occasionally, but I’d be seriously irritated if it was a nightly occurrence.