Post # 1
Hi everyone, I need some advice.
My fiance and I are getting married in September and I am running in to a problem with the alcohol. We are hosting 2 half barrels of beer ( with 2 on reserve if needed) and soda up to $200. And then having a cash bar. My future mother in law wants to buy drink tickets to give to her family members to use at the bar. My parents are not ok with this. They think that will offend people if some people get a drink ticket and others don’t and they see the ticket. A little background on our wedding, everyone is traveling to attend the wedding. I see my parents point, esp since everyone is traveling I think to single out certain people to get “extra drinks” is not fair. Our wedding coordinator said it is common to do drink tickets though and that no one would notice. I was thinking we could possibly sponsor wine too up to a certain limit and then maybe my future mother in law would not do the drink tickets, but that will just add to the cost.
What is your opinion?? What did you do?
Post # 3
I would definitely not give drink tickets to certain people. I would definitely notice if people were using them.
Post # 4
I think it’s fairly obvious that you can’t do this. It’s really rude. It doesn’t matter who is paying for the tickets, basically one half of the wedding is getting treated differently than the other half! Maybe your FMIL could contribute the money to paying towards more alcohol that would be available to all your guests. I think you have a good idea to host wine as well.
ETA: I reread to realize that she just wants to do this for her family members. Not sure this extends out to, but my opinion still stands even if it’s just for a smaller group of people.
Post # 5
Yikes, yeah I would notice if some people had drink tickets while I hadn’t been offered any! I think the only way to avoid this would be to make it so everyone has the option of buying drink tickets — that way, nobody questions where certain people got them. They’d just assume those people bought them. Of course, the downside to this is that it’s weird to make people buy drink tickets from one place and then use the drink tickets at the bar, rather than just paying at the bar directly. Hmmmm.
Post # 6
We are also doing a cash bar. We are paying for non-alcoholic drinks and beer. If people want something else, it’s at their expense. (This is very common where we live. I’ve never went to a wedding that wasn’t this way.)
That said, I would not do the drink tickets. It sounds like it could hurt people’s feelings. Maybe you could talk with you MIL. If she wants to pay for some people’s drinks, maybe she can open a tab for her family members or friends, and tell them they can put it on her tab. That way there is nothing physical to be waving around.
Good luck. That’s a tough position.
Post # 7
I think if you’re going to do drink tickets, they have to go to all or not at all. It’s not fair to exclude half of the guests from receiving them — especially since a wedding about the union of two families.
Post # 8
@tingtawn: I guess I’m not sure I see a difference between her buying drink tickets in advance and giving them to people, or buying drink tickets at the event and giving them to people. Is the issue that she wants to buy the drink tickets, or is the issue that you aren’t using drink tickets and she intends to introduce the concept?
Post # 9
Definitely do not do drink tickets. I would stick with hosting beer (and wine if you can afford it) and make the rest a cash bar. It would be extremely rude to give drink tickets to some guests and not others. It’s simply not polite to treat some guests better than others.
Also, you should host water/juice/pop for the ENTIRE night, not just up to a certain amount. It’s one thing to make guests pay for alcohol, it’s another to make them pay pop.
Post # 10
No way. I don’t have a problem with drink tickets in general. But the only way I’d be ok with this is if everyone had one (or two) and certain people had more. Nobody would really know that Uncle Jimmy got 4 when they only got 2. But the fact that Uncle Jimmy is paying with a ticket (or wristband) or what have you and I’m paying with cash/credit would make me feel some type of way. I’d suggest maybe alerting the bartenders as to who is allowed to get free drinks, but apparently your FMIL wants to limit her family as well (just to a lesser extent than everyone else). I agree with a PP that she should just overall contribute more to the liquor budget if she’s not ok with beer and soda. No one is going to know this was your FMIL’s idea, they’ll just remember feeling like a second class guest at YOUR wedding. For that reason, I wouldn’t let her do this.
Post # 11
You cannot give drink tickets to one side only. I guess she wants your family to feel like second class citizens. Don’t give in to her!
Post # 12
you should offer beer and wine all night to everyone and have cash bar for rest.
Post # 13
@angelalsmith3: +1 I think she can open a tab when she wants and lets her peeps know what’s up. When she’s spent her max, she can close it. This is absolutely non-offensive in my opinion whereas drink tickets are obvious and blatant.
Post # 14
nah, all guests should be treated equally.
Post # 15
@LilRhodyGem: I like this idea. Yeah OP, just tell her she’s free to start a tab at the bar and just know that she will be responsible for managing it throughout the night and closing it when it’s reached its limit.
Post # 16
Eh where I am from this is the normal thing and we did this at my wedding, it wasn’t a big deal at all. So if it normal around your area I don’t think it would be a big deal