Post # 1
My FI and I are both black sheep in our extended families. His family is ultra Christian conservative and mine is the opposite. Somehow we met in the middle. As a result, our families celebrate very differently. My FFIL has said that he would be very offended if there is alcohol at our reception, but I know that my family would be uncomfortable if they couldn’t relax and have drink together.
I know that many people will say, "it’s your day, do it your way", but the most important thing to me is that all the people we love have a good time and are comfortable enough to celebrate with us. How do we compromise on this issue??
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2008 - Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
Mr. J’s family abstains from alcohol completely due to religous reasons and my family drinks occasionally. We decided not to serve any alcohol just because we wanted to be respectful of their religion and I didn’t want anyone to feel so uncomfortable that they had to leave. In the end, our friends and some members of our family got their own drinks at the hotel bar and seemed totally happy with it. It wasn’t a perfect compromise, but it was the best we could do, and it seemed to work out okay.
Post # 4
I think a good compromise would be getting married during the day! Even if you do have alcohol, people are probably just going to have a few drinks- if any! Also, you could just do beer/wine!
Whatever you decide, people will just be glad to be there to celebrate with you!
Post # 5
Serve alcohol for a couple of hours instead of all night/day.
Post # 6
Maybe serve just beer and wine instead of an open bar with hard alcohol?
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park
Have a champagne toast and nothing else? Provide sparkling water for guests who don’t want champagne. Then, it’s less about the drinking and more about a tradition.
Post # 8
My brother had a dry wedding due to restrictions of the minister marrying them. It was a very loooong wedding, but not in a good way. A drink would have been much appreciated, but that may just have been due to the circumstances of his wedding. 🙂
Since you two managed to meet in the middle, compromise sounds like a good bet. As others have mentioned, having beer/wine only or limiting the time alcohol is served may be a way to make the most number of guests comfortable.
Post # 9
Would it help if you served alcohol only during the cocktail hour, so that there was no alcohol on the tables at dinner? Or maybe, if you are assigning seating, you can seat people such that you have "dry" tables and drinking tables, and serve alcohol only during dinner. I would guess that unless your future in-laws are pretty hardline, they actually eat at restaurants that serve alcohol, and have been to parties where alcohol is served. I have several cousins who are LDS and don’t drink, and they never have any problem with others drinking around them, as long as it is in moderation. I’m sure you have noticed on this website that family members get more than a little manipulative when weddings are planned, and perhaps that’s what you’re seeing from your FFIL. I would just let him know that while you mean no disrespect of his religeon, it’s not shared by at least half the guests, and therefore you will be serving alcohol in the following manner… designed to encourage moderation.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2008 - United Methodist Cathedral & historic downtown hotel in Cleveland
My parents had a similar situation at their wedding, and the compromise was that the bar was held in a separate room from the reception.
Post # 11
My parents did the same thing as Ms. Dahlia’s parents…. a bar was opened in the other room. Honestly though… its important to respect each other’s traditions but the FFIL has to recognize that he is not the only one at the wedding and his comfort is not the most important. I say have an open bar in another room, so people have to go and get their drinks instead of them being served drinks. You will make both sides happy… like someone else mentioned above… its a compromise… its not be served inside your reception but there is alcohol available to those who want it. good luck!
p.s. can you give flasks as favors? 🙂 Just kidding!