Post # 1
My grandfather’s brother (whom me and my siblings were NEVER close with) died and my brother found out because his girlfriend saw it on Facebook. My brother called my uncle (who were are NOT close with) and screamed at him for not notifying him in person. He further demanded that my uncle must call him directly when my grandfather (uncle’s father) dies. My uncle said he can’t guarantee that he can personally notify everyone and my brother continued to scream and make this demand.
Since then my brother tried to invite himself to my uncle’s house for a visit because he wants to see our sick grandfather who lives with our uncle. Our uncle declined and (presumably) lied about being out of town that weekend. My brother is outraged that he was declined the visit and continues to bad mouth my uncle to everyone about this.
What do you think of my 36 year old brother’s behavior? Should he be granted the opportunity to visit our uncle’s home to see our sick grandfather? He refuses to apologize to my uncle and every time he talks to my uncle he continues to bring up his demand for the phone call.
Post # 3
I think facebook is a terrible way to notify anyone of anything more important than a cute picture of you at a party or what you ate for lunch today (engagements, weddings, deaths, pregnancies, serious illness). That sort of thing should be done in person, over the phone ect. unless you are not close with the people involved.
I think it is reasonable for your brother to be upset, but that he is not acting appropriately. He should not be screaming at your uncle and demanding to see his grandfather. If he acted like an adult your uncle would probably be more accomodating. I would tell your brother that if he is polite he is more likely to get what he wants.
ETA: I also think your uncle is being reasonable in saying that he can’t personally notify everyone about an event like a death in the family. A compromise would be setting up a phone chain. Perhaps your uncle can call your brother, and then your brother can be responsible for personally notifying the rest of the family before it gets posted on facebook.
Post # 4
I agree that I get that your brother is upset, but he’s seriously overreacting. If he wasn’t close with your great uncle, it’s a weird reaction to have. Grief does weird things to people, but how do you grieve a person you didn’t really know? Then again, I always think the worst in people (and unfortunately, experienced it when my grandpa died)–was your great uncle rich or something? But no, he should not be screaming or demanding anything from your uncle. That’s not a great way to get what you want.
I think your uncle is being pretty reasonable in both saying that he can’t realistically let everyone know personally about things like this. Death is HARD on people. When my grandpa passed away, my grandma told those close to them (my aunts and mother, me, her sister) and kind of let everyone else spread the word for her.