All about arguing

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  hmmm. my FH and i don’t really argue a lot. we will bicker about little things,. but we’ve never had a huge fight before. i’m thankful for that! we’ve been together over 2 years and live together. i’m big on communicating how we feel/why we feel the way we do. i think we have a really good communication and that helps prevent big blow outs. we’ll see how long that lasts…hahaha. 

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@HappyHannah1980:  We have great communication. Little spats here and there are probably monthly where we just get frusterated with each other and have to sit back and figure it out, but full blow outs where we ignore each other and get mad? Maybe once a year at best. We don’t really argue all that much. It’s easy to let the little things go and not get crazy about them.

Post # 5
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Big blow outs? Never *knock on wood*

Little spats where we both give each other the silent treatment for indeterminate amounts of time? All the time lol probably weekly or bi-weekly.

It’s usually one person saying something insensitive/stupid and the other taking offense to it and shutting down.

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

double post

Post # 7
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HappyHannah1980:  We don’t really ever argue.  We probably have 1-2 blowouts a year where we don’t speak to each other for a few hours over something stupid. But, we don’t really have little spats.

Our last blowout resulted in me getting pregnant, so I don’t think I’ll be picking any fights any time soon! 😉

Post # 8
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I once read a study where researchers learned to determine the length of a couple’s argument by watching the first 30 seconds. I found that to be very intereting. The jist was if you approach things in a nice, open and communicative way, you’ll have a conversation. Fly off the handle with accusations and jump to conclusions and you’ll have a blow out. 

DH and I may have had a few big arguments when we were younger (college years) but we haven’t had one in several years. I would like to think we have gotten better at talking about disagreements with age. 

 

Post # 10
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We’ve had one massive blowout in 5 years Together. We have little fights maybe once every couple months. 

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HappyHannah1980:  I couldn’t even tell you lol. That’s how stupid our fights are when they happen! Clearly we made up, though! haha

Post # 12
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  I guess that’s kind of depends on what you are considering an argument:

Big arguments: I can only think of 2 in about 3 years. One was when we FIRST started dating he was invited to be a groomsman at a destination wedding…and a girl he’d recently broken up with was going to be in attendance.

Spats: again, what I consider a little spat, you may be considering an actual argument. We disagree about *something* once a week, but it never gets ugly or loud; maybe a little annoyed, but not an actual fight. Stupid stuff like “can you PLEASE turn the lights off” or “I picked where we were eating LAST time.”

 

Post # 13
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Over the course of 6 years we have had about 5 or 6 blow outs… Maybe less? We argue from time to time, a few times a month maybe. We are polar opposites of each other, so we disagree on many things.

Post # 14
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We don’t really have arguments, more like tense-ish dicussions. I don’t think I’ve ever participated in a big blow out in my life, it’s just not how I deal with things. The silent treatment is a definite no-go as it was my abusive roommates’ weapon of choice and I’m a bit sore still. We learned to always finish talking things out when we were long distance. Before it started we made an agreement to never hang up no matter how upset we got and in our 4 year LDR we never broke that promise. It got pretty hairy in year 2 of the LDR and we fought a lot because FI was trying to give-up on college and I wouldn’t let him. Now-a-days I can’t remeber the last time we really fought nor what it was about. We are almost always on the same page because our communication is really good, so we don’t get to the point of fighting.

Post # 15
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Bickering? All the time. Spats? Maybe once every couple of months. Blowouts? Never. In 12 years we’ve had one big-ish fight and even that was pretty lame lol.

Post # 16
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@HappyHannah1980:  Well no big blow outs to day and we’ve been toether 5 years.

Most of our “spats” are miscommunication. 

I don’t listen well, actually I might have a preconceived notion about what he is going, or what he’s commenting on (usually based on something we were already talkinga bout) or I just plainly did not hear him clearly, and then when I reply (thinking he said what I thought he said), it’s not right at all!  I have to not assume what he’s going to say or just plain listen better.  So hearing the wrong things and then messing up the conversation and causes frustration!  It is one of my things I need to work on!

Him?  H feels like he needs to know everything or at least know how to fix/remedy a situation.  When he doesn’t know, or doesn’t feel he can do a good job at it or get to it right now, he gets flustered and impatient and self conscientious I think. I have to remind him he doesn’t have to have all the answers!  Nor does this one thing need to be fixed RIGHT NOW.  So that is what he’s working on.  He says his mom does it and he’s going to work on it.

So those two things are what cause the majority of our spats, but they are really minor in the grand scheme of things!

Things we have not had arguments over so far are – chores, money, sex, friends, social life, lifestyle.

 

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