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I don't think moms ( and parents ) will ever be on the same page with us. I am pretty sure my grandpa still thinks my mom had the virgin births ( after 2 kids and being marred for 38 years).
My mom is no dummy, but she is of the opinion that so long as i don't flaunt my sex life in front of her, then as far as she is concerned I am not doing anything inappropreate. ( this is the same woman who lost her mind on me for mentioning that I MIGHT not get married Catholic.... ) So i understand the crazyness.
If it makes you feel better, I am "grounded" right now because I left work late and forgot to call..... I'm 21, full time student, full time job, had my own apt for two years, and moved back in because my mom got sick, and getting married in 2 years.... and i am grounded.... lol
You might need to move out. You can't make her take you seriously, but you can at least control your environment.
@Annebanan: OMG I felt like I was the only one going through this. I haven't tell my parents I'm not having a religious ceremony, I was 'raised' catholic but grew out of it and so did FI so we don't see the point of having a ceremony we don't believe in.
I don't go telling my parents about my sex life, they don't want to know and I'm sure they chose to believe I'm still a virgin. It's not an easy thing for parents to deal with it specially if they don't approve. I visited my boyfriend (my parents still don't know we're engaged) a month ago and my parents forced me to stay at my cousins place cause god forbids we sleep together.
Lol.. squirrel pijama bottoms, I still have 5 teddy bears in my bed, I don't get grounded anymore but I haven't done anything that bad lately (that they know of).
aw! you are so a child of God! lol! makes me giggle cause that's KINDA how my mom is. You are SO much nicer than I though. You sound like a great daughter. ( I confess I used to end up cussing my mom out when she tried to pull that stuff on me..yeah great daughter huh?) My only advice is to humor her and eventually gradually pull away with your independence. My cousin is going through the same thing right now and as a result is moving out and 4 hours away.
Anyway just know that a lot of us goes through this and your not alone and it sucks but you are always gonna be your mama's lil girl, right?
i am still trying to figure this out too, I am 31 and have lived on my own forever but my mom says i;m not old enough to get married. Once, i told her i was going to a club and she told me to take my dad with me! i was like dude I'm 27 and she went "oh!" and started laughing. My point is that they forget we are adults and worry so much that don't think about how they drive us nuts!
@Angelz_love: 31 and you're too young to get married? seriously? how old was she when she got married?
@imalittlebirdie: Lol wow...grounded? And I thought it was bad over here in my neck of the woods lol. I know all about the non religious ceremony (I am humoring her on that one...she and my dad are paying for it), cannot believe you are grounded though lol. That's the thing...i did not at all want to bring up the subject (I am very private and really do not want to cause any uneasiness), but a medical circumstance came up, and I felt as if I needed to just give them a general heads up since I am still on their insurance...I really feel awful because I did not want to fight or argue, and now I am receiving the disappointed cold shoulder....oy lol I am 22 years old Ma, I really want to grow up some....just a tad lol
@helenberrycrunch:Exactly my thought! I want to be able to control my environment and the only way I can is to move out on my own...she may not like it, but it may be what's best for us.
well, so long as they're not on your hippa sheet they really dont need to know. im on my parents insurance and when there was... lady business.... i just told them the Dr. said so and idk why...
I do a lot of yesmam, nosir and a lot of getting yelled at. lol its ok, 2 years ....:)
@imalittlebirdie: Yeah, I didn't tell them EVERYTHING...just thought it was something that needed to be brought up. They will never know what really happens lol I refuse to say anything anymore. Closing the lips for good on that topic.
Bahah, same here! The nosirs and yesmams are quite used frequently...2 years ain't bad =). It's funny, I used to think that I really was the only one feeling this whole "I'm trapped in my house, someone lemme out, please?" but, I guess there's company to be had in this state of limbo in our familys' homes =).
Sex, politcs and religion are three things that should not be talked about at the dinner table... or my family. lol
@Angelz_love: Awe, thank you =). I really am nice lol I just get so stressed out by not meeting her and the church's standards...I feel like I have to hide who I am to just get by. Lol and I am sure you were and still are a good daughter, you just had minor laspses in your judgment for using those word lol (trust me, oh, how I have so wanted to just say every single word to her, just to get it out lol).
31 is too young still?? Sayyyy whaaaa?! lol. You are completely passed the point of needing her input on that one! And you are right, I am going to abide by her game rules for now, until I gradually just get my own place and say my goodbyes to them for a lil bit lol.
Exactly! I feel as if they just kind of forget or maybe even deny that we are adults capable of making our own decisions and dealing with the consequences that come with our actions lol. You should have taken your dad ;) that would have been a hoot to see!
@imalittlebirdie: Same here...I learned the sex one fast, no more will be said on such topic...for all they know I am "sorry" for my "harlett" ways and will be a good bride until next June lol...oy vey, life and family can just be nuts sometimes I tell ya...
@Coffee cup: Omygoodness, thank the Lord I am not the only one here with this whole issue!! =( No announcement of your engagement yet, why if I may ask??? It should be a time of joy and love. That's just sad...((hugs))! Yeaaahh...that's the thing, I hold true to what they have taught me, but I have completely different views now than when i was younger...is it that hard to understand that maybe I outgrow certain aspects of my younger years?
And don't even get me started on that whole sleepover thing...heaven forbid you just wanna crash out by his side! lol. Yeah, all my parents know is that certain lines have been crossed, nothing more, nothing less.
I do occasionaly rock character pajamas lol and do sleep with FI's old stuffed koala...hey, at least we still have a lil bit of our "innocence" left in us, right? lol
Go check out my To be or not to be catholic post....
That right there is a novel in psychoisis in a half....
I wound up just telling my mom I am having a crisis of faith, so she would stop screaming....and that FI would do the RCIA classes...
Then I have my FMIL telling me to go to a pentacostal church and get jesus tingles * her words not mine.*
here is the kicker...prents are cool with Fi and i moving in together 6 mo befre the wedding... to test and see if we will kill each other or not... but their not cool with us sleeping in the same room here, Im not allowed to sleep at his house, and if we go away for a trip or something we have " seperate hotel rooms".... riiight.
Moving out might be a good option, but you olny have till june... then they cannot be too upset, procreating and the flock and such....
@imalittlebirdie: I read it...and I applaud you for hanging tough in that situation...jeesh! lol. Oh, and don't do it if you're heart isnt in it, okay? I quite like the idea of the professor performing the ceremony...even if your family doesn't lol.
and jesus tingles...? Um, how about no? lol not for everybody, gotta love her for trying lol.
Jeesh...do they think you will sleep with each other any differently in your own apartment than at his house or yours? Or in a hotel room for goodness sakes?! How that makes sense is beyond me...do you think you would move out 6 months before??
Yeah, that's the thing...I'm only about 6 months out (closer to 7), so I don't know...I can hang on as best as I can until then, but if it gets to the point where we are fighting worse than today, then I need to give our relationship a breather and move out
Yea... that was my feelings on the tingles, but she was so earnist about it, she was truely trying to help, I was like,,, I love you but no.
I haven't really decided yet if i will move out or not... I mean I might move in with a g/f for grad school, ( hence the long engagement) but thats money i would have to pay, that i could be paying bills or saving for the wedding so thats my olny thing.
hhahahahahaha I am not YET annoyed with my mom. Truly, not! we actually surprisingly have been working great together! I have to say my parents have been amazing. :) xoxox hope it stays this way as we have 9 more months of planning!
On my 18th birthday, my mom and her husband-at-the-time told me "Happy Birthday, where's your rent money?" (We had agreed upon this the year before, but still! No class!) So I paid $50 every Friday to live in the same room I had lived in almost my whole life. Yay (sarcasm)
Anyways, one day I was leaving for work in the morning, and said "bye, see you guys tomorrow night" (I was going to work, then sleepover at my bff's, then work again the next day, then home) and my mother just flipped out. Where did I think I was going? Didn't I know I lived under her roof? Her house, her rules? Etc etc etc.
I told her I could be her daughter or her tenant. She didn't like that answer, so I told her I'd rather pay more money and live somewhere that I actually wanted to be. She didn't believe me, but 6 weeks later I was packing my car and moving 2 hours away. I had found a job, an apartment, and roommates in that time, and was outta there!
Point of the story is: mothers are impossible to deal with, and sometimes you just have to create space to improve upon things. Good luck!!
@Annebanan: I understand your frustration. My mom has come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend and I have sex. But we're about to have a new problem. He's still living at home while saving money for our house, and I'm about to move home from a different state. I'll be living at home until the wedding (46 weeks!) So having any sort of sex life is not looking likely right now.
I have the opposite! My mum always tries to speak about things I would really really prefer NOT to know about! I seem to be always shouting "bloody heck woman - too much information!!!" her reply is always "What - we're grown women!". I would prefer not being questioned if my FH is satisfying me and how important it is that we keep things spicy in the bedroom. I tell her IF I want to discuss those things I would do it with friends and not my mother and I advise my mother does the same - to no avail. To be honest I am a total prude when it comes to discussing things. Heck I even hid the fact I started my period for about 6 months when I was 12.
@Cariad: I am the same way as you! I'm definitely not the type to kiss and tell, but my mother is very open about things in her personal life. Way too open, in my opinion! I also didn't tell anyone when I started my period, either.
Shortly after I turned 18, I was having lunch with my mom and she just slipped 'now, you and SO having sex, I feel like you're 18 now so you can make your own decisions, just be careful about it' right into a conversation and she didn't even pause after she said it, just kept right on talking about other things! I didn't even know what to say, I was so flabbergasted, I just shoved food in my mouth. Haha.
So she's "fine" with the sex thing (FI's parents choose the 'he's still a virgin' route) but I know she's probably going to have a meltdown when she finds out that we're not having a religious ceremony at all. FI's mom will probably also have a meltdown. They both know we're not getting married in a church, but they're still under the impression that the ceremony will be done by a religious person and have an overall 'christian' feel to it. Not the case at all, but I am not looking forward to letting them in on that little bit of info.
I think it will really help once you move out. I moved out of my mom's house when I went to college (a month before I turned 18) and my relationship with her got a lot better (and it was good before). I even moved back in with her about two years later (transferred to a school close to her house) and it was different. She treated me a lot more like an adult then.
Good luck!
my mom felt it was her wedding to "redo" better and classier. I love her, but it was hard to deal with....after looking back, I am glad she "butted" in, cuz she has great taste and Mom's know best!
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Hi Bees,
Here's the thing: I love my mom to pieces, I truly do. However, we have a very on and off relationship; I have my views on things, she has her view on things. I tried to talk to her about a certain issue that I was dealing with that included informing her that my fiance and I are more intimate than my parents would like...I just was trying to be an honest, open adult about certain things, but she basically gave me a "you are living a life of sin and rebellion" speech (usually happens). I feel awful because I do not want to fight or tear her down one bit; in fact, I want to tell her that she has raised a good girl, and that I am just becoming my own adult self. I am not the lil Christian girl in pigtails she once knew; I don't do Christian things, I don't meet the higher standard that Christians are called to be...sometimes, I don't feel like she sees me as a human being with normal 22 year old curiosities about being intimate. I haven't had any problems, I don't smoke, I drink a small amount (lightweight...really really lightweight) maybe once a month, I abide by the curfew of the house, I am graduating college early with awesome grades, and yet, I am still not enough...I will never be my younger sister who is such a gung-ho Christian, nor will I ever be my mother...and it saddens me that no matter what I do, she will always tell me that I am not a Child of God if I continue my rebellious ways...any other bees with moms like this? I really feel as if I need to move out to put back the pieces to our very broken relationship...I am just a young adult taking my experiences and the foundations set by my family values, and shaping it to be my own perspective...I just want to be taken seriously as an adult with a brain of her own...sure, I wear pink pajama bottoms with squirrels on them, but hell, I am an adult getting ready to be married here!