Post # 1
My brother has done many awful things in the past. Two days before the wedding, he decided not to be in the wedding party (he had agreed months before) since I wouldn’t change some things in the ceremony that had nothing to do with him. He then told my family that I kicked him out. I had to reprint programs and many other things at the last minute. This is just the tip of the iceberg with my brother. While I have tried to be nice to his FI, she is incredibly self-centered and immature.
I found out that they had asked all my siblings to be in the wedding. My sister said she was told she was going to ask me too. I knew that saying no would result in a total blowup/meltdown from her and wanted to avoid it. I went to my brother and told him that if she asked me, I would say no, and if she asked why, I would give her an honest answer, and asked him to make sure she doesn’t ask. My brother refused to tell her, saying that it was up to her to decide and he wasn’t going to interfere, but threatened me if I told her the truth. She never asked me.
Both of them have multiple siblings and in-laws, and ALL of them (including the in-laws) are in the wedding party besides DH and me. It is going to be very apparent that DH and I are the only family members not in the wedding. I already had someone comment on it, and I am sure there will be more.
How would you answer these people? Is it wrong to say I wasn’t asked, because I wasn’t, and my brother said he wouldn’t tell her not to. Please help! Thanks!
Post # 3
I think you need to not help stir up any drama about its and leave it at you weren’t asked. It would appear your brother is a dramatic person so there is no need to fuel that fire because then it makes a messy feud thing that other people get pulled into and it’s so not worth it.
Post # 4
There will only be drama if you cause it. If you are asked, you could say that you weren
t asked, or you could just say- Everyone cant be in the wedding party, someone has to be a guest.
Post # 5
I would assume that your brother told his fiance that you would say no if you were asked and that’s why she didn’t ask you. If he and his fiance are anything like me and my husband, they tell each other everything, and rightfully so. I know it really hurts when you’re the only one left out of a wedding party because I had it happen to me once, but you did specifically say that you did not wish to be a part of it. If anyone asks about it, just tell them that you are not in the bridal party because you did not wish to be, because that is the truth, and there’s nothing wrong with that. My best friend didn’t want to be a part of my wedding party either and I was fine with his choice.
Post # 6
If anyone asks you, I would just tell them that you weren’t asked by your brother or his fiance to be in the wedding. It’s the truth.
Post # 7
You went out of your way to tell your brother not to ask… Sounds like you got what you wanted.
Post # 8
So…you told your brother you don’t want to be in the wedding, and you weren’t asked, so at least that’s not an issue! I guess it would be upsetting to be the only family member not in the wedding if you feel other guests are going to judge you for it, but you asked to not be in the wedding anyway.
If anyone does ask about, you can either be honest and say “I didn’t want to be in the wedding because of brother,” or you can lie and say “I didn’t want to be in the wedding for financial reasons/work commitments, etc.”
I don’t think you should say you weren’t asked, because if that gets back to your brother, then you are the one stirring up drama – you said you would refuse if you were asked to be in the wedding, so you not being asked is your choice, not your brother’s.
Post # 9
@Natski88: umm this
You can just say you had other commitments like what a PP said. You do know that you DONT HAVE TO give people an answer, right? You owe them no answers.
Post # 10
Just tell the truth, “I prefered not to be in the bridal party”. If people press you on that (or you feel like stirring), explain that your brother dropped out of your bridal party so you prefered not to be in his.
I think it’s kind of dishonest to say they didn’t ask you. While it is true they didn’t ask you, that’s not the reason. The reason is you asked not to.
Post # 11
I am confused about this post. You never wanted to be in the wedding party and you are not. Isn’t that what you requested? Isn’t that good? How had you originally planned on explaining the situation when you told your brother you wouldn’t be in his wedding?
I agree with the PP who said you should not say you weren’t asked since that would just cause more drama and it makes it sound like they are at fault. I would just go with the “you had other commitments” explanation.
Post # 12
I think you should feel relieved you weren’t asked because you didn’t have to deal with saying no. You don’t really need to clarify anything for anyone if asked. Just say you weren’t asked because that’s the truth.
Post # 13
Sooo.. you told your brother you would say no if you were asked to be in the wedding and now you are upset because you weren’t asked? I’m confused.. Obviously you and your brother don’t have the best relationship so it makes sense not to be in the wedding party. I would drop the whole thing, just show up on the day and put a happy face on and congradulate them. Not worth the drama to do anything else. If anyone asks why you weren’t in the wedding party just say it didn’t work out and leave it at that… do not go into the details at their wedding about why you werent.
Post # 14
You were going to say no anyways so I don’t get what the big deal is here. It sounds like to me that may ha ve encouraged them not to ask you. Second of all why would multiple people be asking? I don’t think anyone pays massive attention to who is in the wedding party.If anyone ask tell them you didn’t want to be in it, end of story.
Post # 15
I am not sure why anyone would ask you why you weren’t in the wedding party. If they do then simply say someone had to be a guest and leave it at that as a PP suggested.
Post # 16
This post is confusing as others have pointed out.