Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2016 - Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden
So my boyfriend and I are this close to being officially engaged, and it came up in conversation this evening in regards to some of his anxieties and reasons he’s been dragging his feet in popping the question (now, it doesn’t matter much to me having a ring and all of that, but it’s important to him, so I’ve been somewhat patiently waiting). His first issue is wanting to be able to afford a diamond, even a little one. With his current income, there’s just no way to be able to afford a diamon ring any time soon.
I suggested he just get me something that looks like a diamond (if it’s that important to him) and then when he can afford an actualy diamon, have the stone replaced.
His other fear is that we are very much in an “I Love You, Man” situation. I have tons and tons of friends and would have no shortage of bridesmaids, but he has basiclally no friends of his own, and certainly no male friends (he’s just more of a girls guy). I wasn’t planning on having a particularly traditional wedding anyway, but I was wondering what sorts of suggestions you all had for this type of thing?
And as for the whole ring situation, how often does something like that happen, where the stone gets replaced at a later time? I just want lots of ideas to soothe his anxieties. Thanks in advance! 🙂
Post # 2
About his lack of close guy friends, would it be possible to have no wedding party or even just a really small one, just a MOH and Best Man? I’ve seen other bees that don’t have a wedding party and it seems to work out well for them. He might really appreciate you taking that pressure off him, so maybe throw it out there as an option. (Plus it will be easier for you too and avoid bridesmaid drama, win-win!)
Post # 4
You don’t need a bridal party, or if he has one person then you can have one each. There is also nothing wrong with him having a best friend who is a woman stand up with him as long as you’re comfortable with that. Bridal parties don’t have to be split on gender lines. You also don’t have to have equal numbers on each side of the bridal party, but I know that some people don’t like that.
Post # 5
andreanb: I agree with other PPs re: small/no bridal party. Both FI and I have tons of people we can ask to be in a wedding party but few that we actually want. To avoid picking and choosing and possibly offending someone, we’re just each picking one person MOH/Best Man and having them as our witnesses.
Post # 6
I think you need to be considerate of his feelings. If he doesn’t have any close guy friends it may be best to have a very small bridal party or none at all. I think it would make him feel bad if you had 6 or seven brides mades and he was all by himself.
Also, a lot of people “upgrade” their stone so that’s not a big concern. Have you looked into moissanite? Try not to push him too much if he has anxiety issues
Post # 7
andreanb: Get a plain gold band (white or yellow) for the engagement, and then upgrade if you want later. My FI doesn’t have too many guy friends, so we are not having a bridal party, just a best man/maid of honor! Figure out what works for you, these are small issues that should not halt things. Also, talk to him, not us. We cannot really give any advice on what is a unique situation with two different individuals.
Post # 8
You don’t need a fancy ring or fancy weddig! Plenty of people on this site have smal, simple weddings for 5k or under. Some get married at city hall and have a potluck at home for just a few hundred. That doesn’t make you any less married to the love of your life. You can get nice rings like moissanite or gemstones for under 1k or a small diamond solitaire (.25 carat maybe) set for under 1k from sites like James Allen
Post # 9
holy iPhone typos in my last post
Post # 10
My MOH was best man for her brother last year. Your bf doesn’t have to have men to have a best man or groomsmen if he happens to have more female friends.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2016 - Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden
@Kazza: I’ve definitely thrown that out there, and he seems to like this idea. I’ve given the option also of not really having a wedding party and, since I don’t want a traditional wedding anyway, suggested that maybe all of our closest friends and family can give us away to each other — that way it gets the people that are most important to us involved in the ceremony, and it does away with the whole unbalanced wedding party thing. 🙂
@Hausfrau: Haha, I have. Several times. 8D
@MOHlookingForIdeas: True! I brought your suggestion up to him and we both agreed that having a best woman for him would be a bit awkward, since his only other best female friend is actually his ex. It’s possible that maybe we can have one and one though; I’d be comfortable with that.
@prettyinpink11: Yeah, I have plenty of female friends that I’d love to ask to be bridesmaids, but knowing he only has one or two people he’d feel comfortable asking to stand on his side I wouldn’t mind cutting it back to just, say, my best friend and maybe my mom or something. And I’ve never heard of moissonite! I’ll have to look into it.
@PenultimateWhisk: Oh, I’m definitely discussing it with him as well, but having only ever attended pretty traditional weddings, I wasn’t sure what other ways could possibly be explored in terms of resolving the whole bridesmaids/groomsmen thing.
Thanks, everyone for all the great suggestions and advice! I’ll keep discussing it with him to see if any of this allays his anxieties and worries. He’s about to get a new job this week (it pays less than what he’s got now, but allows for LOTS of overtime), so hopefully that will help get the ball rolling. 😉