Post # 1
My best friend from high school and I haven’t had a relationship for almost 2 years, mainly because she’s an alcoholic and I felt that I couldn’t be friends with her without enabling her addiction.
We’ve recently started talking again, we had coffee, and she says she hasn’t been drunk in months. I don’t really believe her, but that’s not really the point.
I want to invite her to the wedding because she was such a big part of my life (even though she’s not now), but I am concerned that she will drink too much and make a scene or say some really ugly things (she’s a mean drunk, another big reason we aren’t friends anymore).
We aren’t having a totally open bar, but we are providing wine, beer and a signature drink. I’m really torn on whether I should invite her or not. I should probably add that fiance left it up to me, but he really doesn’t think I should invite her.
What would you all do?
Post # 3
do you have a mutual friend who could keep an eye on her during the reception to make sure she stays dry? if she’s been dry for months, maybe she’ll do that for your wedding too?
Post # 4
What do you think would happen if you DIDN’T invite her? Would it be the end of your friendship? If the answer is yes, are you prepared to end the friendship?
Can you say her, “Jane, I love you and want you at my wedding, but I’m concerned you’ll be very tempted to drink again. Do you think you’ll be ok at the reception where there WILL be alcohol?”.
Post # 5
Let the bartender know and have someone keep an eye on her. It’s not your job to worry so much about one guest that you get too distracted from your own wedding. It’s a valid concern…do you really think she’ll embarass herself at ur wedding?
Post # 6
That’s a really tough situation especially since you’ve recently started talking again. I would hate for this to be a breaking point in your friendship. Don’t most recovering alcoholics stop drinking completely? The idea is that they can’t be moderate, and once they start drinking they can’t stop. Anyway, if she does come, I would certainly alert the bartender.
I would encourage you to invite her but make sure you say something along the lines of what SanDiegoAli mentioned. Maybe she would bring a date or a friend who could help her have fun without drinking. Maybe she’d come out and say that it would be too difficult to attend a party where everyone is drinking and just attend your ceremony.
Post # 7
She hasn’t been totally dry (she still drinks), but she says she hasn’t been drunk in months, so there is the chance that she will be drinking at the reception. If I didn’t invite her….we don’t have much of a friendship now, she was just such a big part of life before that I kinda want to invite her. She’s in total denial about her being an alocholic, so if I asked her if she would be ok with alochol at the reception, I know she’s just look at me like I’m nuts. I know I’d be worried about her driving, too. Right before we quit talking, she got drunk and totaled her car. She left the scene of the accident with a broken ankle and passed out somewhere, so she never really got a DUI. Unfortunately, I do think she’s embaress herself….I mean, there’s the chance of it, at least. I’ve certainly seen her do it before!
Post # 8
If you want her at the wedding, then invite her. Peroid. Don’t use her alcoholism as an excuse NOT to invite her – it’s not your responsibility whether she drinks or not. She’s an adult and that’s a decision for her to make – if she feels it would be too hard, she can deline or attend the ceremony only.
I have this issue with a few people I’m inviting, but I’m inviting them because I WANT them there. If there’s problems, that’s something that will be dealt with as they come. I’d much rather risk MAYBE having an issue than to not have them there in the first place.
Post # 9
I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. She may surprise you and really be trying to make a positive change in her life. You can alert the bartender to the situation just in case and then just don’t worry about it.
Post # 10
I think it depends on whether she was a bonafide alcoholic (like, having a drink at 8 a.m. just to leave the house) or just a person who tended to drink too much too often. There is a slight difference, and I know it’s splitting hairs, but… you know her best! Good luck!
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice guys!
Post # 12
I saw warn her in advance!
Post # 13
I agree with Sage — there is a difference and it does makea difference in how to handle the situation. If she is an alcoholic in the sense of the word that she cannot function daily without a drink to get her going, then she shouldn’t be drinking, period. If she is just a sloppy drunk then she needs to grow to learn her limits.
In either case, I think the bartenders should be made aware. If they are doing mixed drinks they can make her’s very weak and also keep an eye on if they need to cut her off.