Post # 1
My FI is in the military and will be deploying to Iraq this weekend. In the final stages of our planning, we just got this mayhem-causing news. As of now, we have contracted our venues and vendors for a date less than a full week after his expected return home. Yikes. But, we love the date, and have considered a later one, too. This gamble feels right, and more than half of his groomsmen would be deployed if we pushed it back at all.
The date stands. The question now is: what if I don’t have a groom by then?
What would be the best way to inform our guests of this potential issue? Should it be included in the invitation itself?
If he’s not back in time, all of our wedding plans will be pushed back to a date we’ve already pre-arranged with our vendors. Do I let the guests know of our “back-up date” as well?
Wowzers. I’d appreciate suggestions. No matter how outlandish!
Post # 3
As a army FI with the boy deployed currently and having seen how deployments have gone with friends, others at his base, and the group that we waited on to get back so they could leave…I would go ahead and assume that he wont be back in time, especially with less than a week difference, and maybe just plan for the other date. The army is so unpredictable and hardly ever sticks to what they say, especially when it comes to deployments. My FI had his date changed so many times to leave because they had to wait on the group coming home because they had delays leaving and getting through Kuwait.
A lot of friends that would be possible GM arent gonna be here, either, because of deployments and its sucks but thats just army life. Also, you kinda have to think about how hes going to feel when he gets back. Not that he doesnt want to marry you as soon as he can, but thats very soon and he may not be up for it…exhausted and so on and plus, a wedding is big event with a lot of people all paying attention to him and best case scenario, its still a stressful day. Plus, that would be just so stressful on you having to change everything at the last minute.
Sorry, I know this isnt what you want to hear but this has been my experience and I’m just being honest! *hugs* from another army girl 🙂
*edit* I forgot to mention that I was terrified of this, too when we were setting a date. I was afraid his return would get delayed and/or that it would be too soon to have this big event when he got back. We made ours for June, which will be about 7 months after he gets back for a lot of reasons but mainly because we wanted to make sure nothing army wise would delay his not being here and I’ll also be graduating a few months after he got back so it just worked to wait another few months or so. Plus, Ive always wanted to be a June bride. I think its worth it to wait if you can just so you have more control over the situation.
Post # 4
Yeah my fiance is in the Army as well! That is one of my biggest fears is that it’s not gonna happen like we plan…however my situation is different than yours…he is recently back from a deployment. But I worry about it all the time and we have changed our date like 3 times! It is definitely hard.
Post # 5
My FI is also in the military – luckily though there are no signs yet of anything coming up…yet. I have learned though that you can never really plan when it comes to the military. Maybe you could do one of those wedding websites I have heard about to try and keep your guests updated, or change your date to give him a bit of time to get excited about the wedding with you after he gets back!
Either way, good luck and i hope its wonderful!
Post # 6
Oh dude, I don’t know if I”d do this….we had to plan our wedding with some leeway–there are often troubles getting someone back in time. PLUS, you have to fly stand-by, which can make for a longer trip. Honestly, we didn’t know EXACTLY when DH was coming home until he walked onto an airplane and even then it was up in the air. They may say “oh you’re due home around mid-January” but the military will NEVER give you an exact date because it’s simply not safe.
I’d give him more time…it may be too much of a gamble, honestly. Cuz if your groom isn’t there, you can’t get married! Do you have it IN WRITING that your vendors will cooperate? Cuz they may say that now….but be sure it’s in writing.
I think mentioning it somewhere would be good, just an insert maybe. Like, “John is deployed to Iraq and due to return home a week before the wedding. In case of unforseen circumstances, the wedding could be moved back to X”. However, I don’t know that it’s really a good way to go about handling the situation….tough call though.
Anything can happen though. The best man in the last wedding i was in got deployed 3 days before the wedding. Very unexpectedly. It was way crappy.
Post # 7
My FI is deploying this year, and that’s all we know so far. We may end up changing the date bc either he or his brother/best man will be deployed. I don’t look forward to any of it, but you have to take things in stride.
If you and your FI are sure that you have the right date, and he thinks he can make it back in time then go for it! I like the idea of having a website to keep your guests posted about the date. How about dropping all of them a note to direct them to the site and explain the circumstances? It may not be traditional wedding etiquette (though I wonder if there is such a thing for this situation), but it would certainly get the job done. I’m sure your guests will understand if they aren’t already wondering about how his deployment will affect the date.
And I know this wasn’t your original question, but I have to agree with the other posters. There’s no way to know what date he will be back, for security purposes. I thought FI was going to be home a week before he called to let me know that he was back in the states. If there’s a date that you know would work for you and the groom without the pressure, it might be less stressful to plan around it.
Post # 8
My aunt/uncle were invited to a wedding of a similar situation. Thankfully most of the people that were invited were local, so plane tickets/hotels wasn’t an issue. I believe the bride posted all the info on her wedding website as an easy way to keep in touch with all of her guests. In the end, her groom was late in getting to the wedding, so they had the wedding a week later than planned and it all still worked out beautiful from what I hear. When people know a deployment is involved and there is litterally nothing you can do, they are ALOT more understanding…even the venues worked with her.
Good luck! And good luck to your hubby. Deployments are the funnest, but you’ll get through it. My hubs should hopefully be out of the Army in October and FINALLY at home living with me. I soooooo can’t wait. 🙂
Post # 9
It’s definitely a tricky situation and I can only comment on what I experienced during my FIs (bf at the time) deployment. We had the issue of his tour being extended a month and a half ,not knowing exactly what his return date was until about a day or so before (for security reasons) which could cause some problems if you have OOT guests who need to travel and while it doesn’t happen in every situation, I know that personally, my fiance would not have been in the right mindset to be getting married when he first got back. It took a while to readjust to being together, him being in crowded places, loud noises, etc. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I just wanted to give you a heads up that planning a wedding for the week after his current return date could be quite stressful.
However, I would go ahead and plan for that date for now, but like everyone else suggested, have a notice on your website saying that the date may change due to his deployment and that if that situation does occur that you will let everyone know.
Army life is so hard to make plans around but I’m sure all your guests will be very understanding and just excited to be at your wedding, regardless of what the date is 🙂
Post # 10
You guys are so right. Looking forward, I feel like I would be able to manage a last minute change well enough… But, deep down (not even that deep, to be honest), I know that’d I’d prefer to not have to deal with the stress at all.
My FI and I don’t live together and aren’t planning to until we’re married. I think I’ve been so anxious about the earlier date because I wanted him to come home to OUR home. The possibility of an unfortunate delay will probably be far more devastating than a few more months still living seperately. Either way, a horror story is what we want to avoid, and, with a date so close to his return, there’s an awful lot of potential for nightmarish problems.
ejs4y8, I returned literally EVERY contract to make sure that the two dates were understood in writing. So important! We brides have to protect ourselves!
mrsmurraytobe, Thank you so much! I really hadn’t thought about how my FI would feel once he got back physically and emotionally. Having so many people around immediately after a deployment will be even more work, no matter how much I try to plan and coordinate in advance. I want him to ENJOY the entire wedding experience. We’ve been planning everything to be a great celebration with people we absolutely love having in our lives. Certainly, time to relax and recuperatewill be beneficial. At the very least, it won’t be detrimental at all!
to all the military wives and wives-to-be: Even with the changes and late notices, it feels so great to know that our guys know that we are ready to support every move they make. We are so lucky! I can’t wait. *DANCING A JIG*
Post # 11
Personally I would go with the later date from the get-go, but as you said you like the date you’ve chosen so if you’re going with that I wouldn’t put an alternate date on the invite. I would spread the news through word of mouth that you may have to choose another date (though bear in mind this really screws with people’s travel arrangements/money. What if they book a hotel for the first date then you have to change it? Then they have to pay for another date and lose the money they’ve already paid). If he isn’t back in time, make phone calls to all of your guests letting them know that he is not back int he states and the wedding in on xx/xx/xxxx.
Post # 12
I totally agree with you. We’ve decided to go with a later date to avoid the hassle of a possible change. It feels awesome to not have to stress over a last minute change of plans. I think it’ll make my guests, my family, and my FI much happier and peaceful this way.
Meanwhile, we have more time to plan and save up for an even better honeymoon! Incredible.
Post # 13
It’s good to see that you’ve chosen the later date. Speaking of all our experiences with my future hubs and his supposed re-deployment before he was medically discharged, it was constantly changing. I’m not sure exactly when he was supposed to come home after his first tour as he re-enlisted while out in the sand. Even now that he’s out, everything related to the government (retirement pay, VA rating, etc) has been delayed.
Post # 14
I was totally terrified the whole time that we would not be able to have our wedding, I did not get any relief until the morning we got on the plane for the States, then I said okay, after resetting the wedding date 2 times, we are finally gonna have our dream wedding. It all works out in the end. Good luck
I am an Army wife of 1 year. We had our dream wedding on November 13,2010 after resetting the date 2 times and finally deciding that we would do courthouse so that I could join him in Korea. I was bummed out but he promised me that I would wear a wedding dress and I did. I think it all was totally worth it. I commend all soldiers on giving up so much for this country, I would follow my husband anywhere. Good luck to you and a Hooah from South Korea.