Weddingbee boards

I've seen several posts similar to this, but nothing that really answers my questions specifically.  

I am not engaged yet, but my boyfriend and I started basic planning for the wedding a year or so ago.  Now that he has a full-time job, we're looking at getting engaged within the next couple of months, and getting married before the end of 2012.  Hoping for December 1st.  

My mother has already started arguing with me over plans.  She is the one to bring them up, then either tells me I'm wrong when I tell her what I've planned, or just blatantly tells me to change them. She is paying, but some things we have argued about have nothing to do with money.

I have a 7-year-old cousin who I would want to be my flower girl, but my boyfriend really wants his 2-year-old to be a part of the wedding.  I want them to both be flower girls, and walk together down the aisle.  My mother told me that I'm not "allowed" to do this, and that my cousin will be my only flower girl.  She didn't even entertain the idea of having dual flower girls.  There would be no extra cost, and I feel like it should be my decision.  

My mother has also told me that she doesn't want me to invite ANYONE who is not related to me or my boyfriend.  I told her that I want to invite my closest friends, but she tells me that since she is paying, I can't.  I have 12 friends I want to invite. I feel that 12 is not a large number, and I am willing to pay for their food myself.  If I do not have any friends at my own wedding, the majority of my guests will be young cousins, and I don't feel that I will enjoy the reception the same way as I would with guests my own age.

My mother has also told me that if she goes dress shopping with me, she cannot censor herself, and will tell me exactly how she thinks I look in each one.  I told her truthfully that I would rather her not, since she is very blunt and harsh with her physical critique of me, and I feel it would ruin the shopping experience for me. She will not be paying for the dress, but insists on coming with me, and telling me if I look "terrible" (her words, not mine.) 

What do I do?

I'm having some similar problems, except that my FH and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves!  We are lucky though because we are currently living in a different country and planning everything from here, so I'm just not telling her much about any of the planning anymore.  And we will try to do it all ourselves with no one elses input.

I suggest you have a chat with your mum though - she might not even realise what she is doing (which I think is what's happening with my mum) and let her know some of your expectations.  Or as other bees above have suggested... start saving and pay for it yourselves, maybe move the date out a few more months?

@tksjewelry:  It doesn't make sense to me, either! She's always been a little controlling, but this makes me so frustrated, since I am grown up and can make these decisions myself.

Not sure how realistic it is for me and my SO to pay. He has a good job, but he's saving for our house.  And I just left my job so I can move back home, find a job there, and plan the wedding.

@blue_eyed_bama_gurl@yahoo.com:  Thanks for the advice, and roll tide! I'm actually in Alabama, too, but getting ready to move in 2 days.

@LuvMySailor:  It's not very realistic for us to pay for the wedding ourselves.  Not only are we not making a lot of money right now, but my guy is saving for our house. 

I do feel that the flower girl issue is the one that will be the easiest to resolve.  If she doesn't have to pay for the dresses, it shouldn't make a difference to her.  She'll be pissed, but oh well.

@Miss Dee:  Lucky! I'll be living back at home coming up soon, until the wedding, so unfortunately, it'll be hard to keep the planning away from my mother. 

My mom is also kind of being controlling like that, but if you can try paying for the majority of what you can afford that way it takes away from what she can lord over you. Also, try telling her that the concept of dual flower girls isn't an extra cost and may add to the fun of the wedding :)  And if you're paying for the dress and she knows she can't say anything nice about you in them, then maybe you should try telling her that constructive criticism is appreciated but hurtful comments aren't. Alot of moms don't know the difference when it comes to their daughters, my mom doesn't :/ That's why I got my dress by myself.  I just got engaged this past Christmas, and my mom is dragging me down into this mire of hell called "wedding planning" where it's her way or no way, so we're thinking about taking all her authority away from her, having it in a small church, pics in the park and then a small sit down dinner somewhere nice.